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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760764">Clockroom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23'>Rona23</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Merlin´s  magic [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Dragoon, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Idiots in Love, Immortal Merlin (Merlin), Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Once and Future King, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Past Abuse, Prince Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, Time Travel, a lot of confusion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:47:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>58,021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clocks that let him live in the future. Lifetimes over lifetimes. The only constant: Emrys.<br/>Arthur wasn´t sure how it worked. Maybe it was just a strange dream.<br/>But slowly, he feels himself drowning in them. He learns to love these dreams. These lifes. And the person he had to thank them for.<br/>Until he realizes they were never dreams at all. And he truly was the once and future king.</p><p> </p><p>CURRENTLY ON HIATUS <br/>(because i wanna rewatch the series again, without working through every episode and transcript that exists.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Freya/Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Merlin´s  magic [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue: The once and future king</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I´m really not too sure about the tags. If I should add or delete some, don´t worry about pointing it out :3<br/>I don´t know why, but I´m horrible at tags.<br/>(Feel free to correct other mistakes as well. I´m always eager to improve.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The young man watched the warlock in front of him. “Did I do something good?”, he asked. <br/>Almost pathetically.<br/>The warlock looked at him. Paralyzed at the sight of the “Druid” who was actually no druid at all. <br/>He was dying. These were his last words. And in truth, he had done nothing to help the kingdom. He hadn´t had the chance. But the false druid didn´t know that. And the warlock wouldn´t correct him. Not in a situation such as this.</p><p>An averted assassination attempt on king Arthur and the knowledge that there was a powerful sorcerer out there protecting the king. That was all the druid learned. <br/>“You did.”, the servant whispered with tears in his eyes. <br/>“Finally.”, the young man might have smiled if he could. But his heart had stopped before the thought formed in his head.</p><p>The world grew dark and black instead, as the false druid woke up and opened his eyes. There was a relief that had come with his death. It felt like falling asleep. It was almost sad to wake again.</p><p>The clock in his hand didn´t stop ticking. But there weren´t many years left contained in it before it would grow grey and still. It was the only clock that had reacted to his touch. Only one. The irritating ticking however, sounded just like it had when he had entered.</p><p>Everything that happened felt like a dream. And maybe that´s what it was. <br/>After all – he had always been wary of magic. This room – this room had made him see that it was evil. Evil in the witch Morgana he had seen. But debatable in the form of a servant. <br/>That servant. His name was Merlin. He too had magic. And a good heart apparently. No matter how mad he had been at the druid. No matter how strong his magic was. This Merlin had been loyal. Powerful, scary perhaps – but loyal and honorable. <br/>But maybe this room just showed you something you wanted to see. Or something that benefited magic. It made sense. Magic wanted you to protect magic. Nothing else mattered, did it?</p><p>Merlin had done everything to save this Arthur person. Whoever this Arthur was. <br/>Why, pray tell, did this man deserve to be saved anyway?<br/>The land he reigned upon may be at peace – it may be united. But the false druid had never – in his youth – seen such damaged land. <br/>The results of years of war, years of fear and destruction. Longer and older than the king himself. Murder and hunger. The land seemed to be healing – yes – but that´s all it was. </p><p>Arthur was the name that was engraved on the clock that still lay lifelessly in his hand. And he didn´t even know who that was.<br/>The young man put it down, wondering how long he had been out. He´d been gone for a few month´s, he remembered. <br/>And yet he knew it was only an hour since he´d last been in the clockroom. <br/>It always was just an hour. </p><p>That´s what his mother had told him. </p><p>Whatever happened in the clockroom, she had said. It would stay there. As a reminder of what future you want to bring upon this land. An hour contained in minutes or stretched in a lifetime. However long the person the clock was attached to remembered you.<br/>Only exception was when you died yourself in it. You could still go back, but the false druid knew he wasn´t going to do that.<br/>It was a tradition in this family. But he wasn´t sure if he wanted to keep it that way. He didn´t believe in old traditions. Didn´t believe that this was good in any way.<br/>He would never want his own sons to see such misery. To see such pain. </p><p>He turned around, walking passed those immense walls. Shelves and desks covered in devices. Some ticking, some still. Some long lasting, some short. Some old, some new, some very strange. With glowing numbers and names on them. </p><p>Clocks, they were called. And yet he had never seen such strange things. Nowhere but here, so it seemed. <br/>Four months. He´d spend four month´s to make amends with the people who´d miss him should he die. And he hadn´t even talked to Arthur. Only to the servant. <br/>But it was all a dream. Made of magic, he reminded himself. Whoever made this room, this clock, they just wanted him to suffer. </p><p>With that he moved to the door. It was wooden and with golden marks. Fitting for a future king. But he had already decided, he would seal them, as soon as his father passed away.<br/>The ticking dumped silent as Prince Uther locked the door shut.</p><p> </p><p>                                                  -------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur Pendragon knew more about the castle than his father ever did. He may only be thirteen years old, but he loved roaming the castle. <br/>Most of the knights, guards, and all those who swore fealty to his father were busy. The purge was going stronger every day. <br/>Arthur wasn´t quite sure what to think of the fact that sorcerers and witches were burned at every corner of the land. But his father said it was necessary. <br/>And Arthur wasn´t at the stage yet were he would question his father. </p><p>Lowkey rebelling however - was something he loved to do on a daily basis. And the one rule his father made for him, not to search threw the vaults – was just – asking to be rebelled against. </p><p>Dressed in a fine red shirt, he searched for the clock room. <br/>Arthur had heard tales about the room. Things his grandmother had told him, when she was still alive. Uther had been devastated when she died. </p><p>There was a room in the vaults. The gates to it were wooden and gold and inside were – devices. Clocks they were called. <br/>Each of them were individually designed. But they all ticked a low menacing tune that made your brain go dizzy. <br/>His grandmother told him that – when a clock glows under your touch, it is yours. A name would then engrave itself upon the clock. And you could set a time and travel to meet the person whose name was written on it. </p><p>“These clocks-”, she had said ominously. “Connect you to a time after you have died. The person engraved in it, is someone who will miss you dearly when you passed. <br/>As long as they live and as long as they miss you, you will be able to meet them. <br/>You could spend a whole lifetime at their side and not have to worry about responsibilities or time. </p><p>It doesn´t matter how long you spend on the other side. Only one hour passes in this world. ”, she had said, hugging him close. <br/>“One day you will be king. And up to that day, you have no life of your own. You only ever have one  purpose, to serve the kingdom. Fight wars and make peace. <br/>With these clocks, you have the chance to make peace with all those who miss you when you go. To make it up to the people who made your life worth living. And if you lived a good life and made many friends, there will be many clocks responding to your touch.”</p><p>Arthur knew, his father would never show him this room. <br/>It used to be a tradition. That when the son of a king comes of age and becomes crown prince, he would enter the room and see what his future holds. What his legacy would be. To have an idea what was coming for them.<br/>That tradition died after Uther became king. Arthur didn´t understand why. <br/>He came here to learn.</p><p>Why Uther was so against magic. Against these clocks. Arthur stole the keys to the vaults. And sneaked into the dungeons to find the room. <br/>It wasn´t hard to find really. Easily, the door gave way, when Arthur unlocked it. <br/>Words of magic were engraved in the wood. Like golden runes or letters. Arthur couldn´t read them. <br/>Maybe it was better he couldn´t. Maybe he should ask Gaius later. </p><p>The door made no noise as it opened. Which was good, since he tried to avoid the guards – but also unusual. The door hadn´t been opened in years. And nobody had ever taken care of it. It should be squeaking or groaning. But it didn´t.</p><p>Silently, the young prince entered the room, shutting it quietly behind him. And then he turned around. </p><p>The room was massive. Much like the library Geoffrey watched like a hawk it´s prey. Just bigger. Brighter. With giant dusty windows that let light into the room. Arthur gaped at the sight and stood there for a minute.<br/>It was light as day. Arthur grimaced at the blinding white. Shouldn´t it be dark? These vaults were underground. Also it was night. Where did the light come from? Where did these windows lead to?<br/>There was no source. No sky, no clouds, just white. <br/>And then there was the ticking. </p><p>Arthur had heard about that bit. However, he had not expected it to sound this – unnerving. <br/>The ticking wasn´t just loud in his ears. It was uneven at times, interrupted only from whispering. It nudged on his conscience. As though it existed only in his head. </p><p>Whispering?<br/>Arthur turned around, as his eyes widened. The whispering was calling to him. It weren´t really words. Just sounds. <br/>There was an unmarked clock next to him. Calling for him. Made of dark wood and black leather. When Arthur touched it, it glowed lightly under his touch. <br/>A name engraved itself in the device. “Gweneviere.” <br/>Arthur stared in confusion. Wasn´t that the name of the maid that Uther had assigned as Morgana´s servant only a couple of days ago?<br/>Why would a servant miss him when he passed? Or where the rumors true and he really was going to marry Morgana one day and then he´d become friends with her servant as well?<br/>The thought made him feel sick. He didn´t want to marry Morgana. And his father advised him not to befriend servants on a daily basis.</p><p>Then he noticed something else. </p><p>It was hard to describe. How did time feel?<br/>How does one feel time compressed into a small box?<br/>It were years that Arthur felt when he held it. So – Gwen would definitely outlive him by at least – forty years? God, how young would Arthur die? Or was this woman going to be – very very old? That – he decided – was unlikely. <br/>The realization hit him like a brick wall. </p><p>Arthur shook his head as he let the device fall. His heart rate beating faster as he tried to escape from this hellish device. <br/>His father was right. These devices were a curse.  He hadn´t even seen what was on the other side yet. What she had seen. What this woman knew. And yet he already knew that he would die. Sooner than he ever dared think about. Maybe he should leave. </p><p>So he did. As he turned around, searching frantically for the door he came in through.</p><p>Then, he saw something else. </p><p>What he saw made him heath a breath. In the middle of the hall -(It could hardly be called a room, by how giant the ceiling was. And how far the walls stretched into the endless distance.) -stood another clock. It was surrounded by a circle of what looked like Crystals.<br/>It was old. Older than every other device Arthur had seen. Yet he knew they all had been here since the first king of Camelot was crowned by the legendary fisher king himself. <br/>Though the amount of clocks piled over the years and no one really knew how they generated.<br/>Gweneviere´s clock was around forty years old. This thing – this device was much – much older. </p><p>The feeling of age radiated from the metallic bend object in waves. It was the only clock that was made of metal. Drawing the young prince in like a moth to a flame.  It looked almost like a sculpture. Like a small falkon that Arthur couldn´t quite name. <br/>It was silver and rusty and there were black symbols of dragons engraved within, shaping the feathers of the thing.</p><p>Arthur took another deep breath. That must be the one clock his grandmother had told him about. <br/>The one many kings before him had just been curious to touch. <br/>And yet none of them could bring it to life. <br/>While every other clock that spoke to them would glow with their touch, this one dulled. As though it was disappointed they weren´t the right person. As though it didn´t even know who it was waiting for. </p><p>But it would whisper a name. A name many prophesies spoke about. <br/>And by the years that Arthur could feel radiating from the crystal even from this distance, he understood why his ancestors had been so fascinated by this one. <br/>Why it became part of the tradition to try and wake it. <br/>They hoped that this man would be the destined protector of Camelot and a great friend to the current crowned prince. And that that destined king would be them.</p><p>“Emrys...”, it whispered and Arthur felt the sudden desire to touch it. All fear, all worries forgotten, he picked it up. This device didn´t speak of mere years, but of centuries. Thousands of years would a single person miss a king. Would miss Arthur.<br/>Gold and blue light surrounded him and the object as a name engraved itself in the metal. <br/>“Emrys.”, it said, as though Arthur had expected it be something else. <br/>Immortal, it meant in Greek. That much he knew. Yet – it didn´t scare him as much as it should. </p><p>“Ask.”, the device told him. Not in words. But in a feeling. It was like in dreams, when you just know something. Know that something was there or said or meant to happen without anything ever really happening. <br/>Equally, it didn´t ask for a real question. But for something that Arthur wanted to know. Wanted to see.<br/>His feelings just took over. And one second later, he felt the world blank out. </p><p>-------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“NO! I can´t loose him! He´s my friend!”, was the first thing Arthur registered, as he woke up. <br/>It was dark. Whether the sun was dawning or setting, he couldn´t tell. <br/>All he saw was that they were on a clearing.<br/>Arthur was hidden beneath bushed and lone trees that lined the beginning of a forest. </p><p>Someone answered the low growl of the man, but Arthur couldn´t quite understand what he said. With confusion and fear, he looked passed the rock that hid his figure. <br/>And then he almost screamed. </p><p>Above him stood a dragon. Old and wise and mysterious. But – Arthur´s father had just killed the last dragon. Well – not the last one. The great dragon was hidden beneath the castle!<br/>Or was this really the future? The dragon was free?! No way! </p><p>And then Arthur saw himself. For a moment, he wondered how his own self could sleep so soundly when a freaking dragon was cowering above him. <br/>Then he remembered that he couldn´t be here if his own self was still -</p><p>Arthur´s eyes widened as he fell back into the mud. <br/>Arthur – his corpse, looked around the age of 30. Maybe older. It was hard to tell from this distance, but Arthur´s breathing increased to an unhealthy amount. He died young.<br/>Thirty. He´d only live to see the age of thirty! And it would be a dragon who killed him!</p><p>And then, his attention turned back to the man, who held him in his arms. <br/>The man was broad, with large ears and a mop of black hair to cover his crying form. </p><p>“I have one last favor to ask!”, he said, looking up at the dragon, as though his entire world had just fallen apart. And maybe it had. <br/>What sane person asked a favor from a dragon? A clearly murderous one at that.</p><p>It didn´t take long before the dragon took off with them. The man and Arthur´s corpse on his back. <br/>Prince Arthur didn´t dare follow. <br/>That man – was he Emrys? Or was it the dragon? Probably the latter, since Dragon´s tended to live thousands of years. But why was the name of his own murderer engraved in a clock then?</p><p>Arthur gulped, as he searched for the clock that he had held in his hands only moments prior. He wanted to go back. He couldn´t stay here. <br/>He knew how he was going to die now! The on thing he had desperately didn´t want to know. <br/>And now he knew. </p><p>He would be killed, when that Dragon was released. No doubt, that was the man´s fault. It must be. <br/>What´s in a name, Arthur Pendragon thought bitterly. </p><p>Waking up back in the clockroom came sudden. Far too spontaneous, it had him stumbling. <br/>How long had he been gone? Five minutes?<br/>He let the clock fall, before he jumped up and ran away. <br/>This wasn´t real. This was a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. <br/>Nothing that this room showed him would ever come to pass, Arthur decided. And Arthur would never return to the clock room. <br/>That was a promise. His determination to keep that very promise was fueled by panic and fear. There was no way he´d ever return. Not if he wanted to see himself dead again. </p><p> </p><p>---------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Years later, Arthur had not forgotten about that promise. <br/>In the beginning, nightmares kept him up at night. It shaped the way he looked at the warnings of his father. Of magical creatures and monsters and especially dragons. <br/>Arthur knew – it was a dragon who would take his life. </p><p>The great dragon – last of his kind – was to never be released. And yet, it didn´t make sense. If that dragon really was Emrys – then why would he kill him? Kill him and miss him? <br/>That was a contradiction that made Arthur paranoid of the actions of his surroundings. <br/>Friends and enemies alike.<br/>Or was it that man who was Emrys after all? Then again – how could a simple man be the immortal Emrys? He looked like a peasant. How could that be?</p><p>The nightmares turned into wonder. Wonder to confusion. Confusion to questions. <br/>Questions he knew he could never ask his father. </p><p>Eventually, even those questions silenced. Maybe it wasn´t that important. It had been just a dream after all.   A dream caused by his childish mind. And his believes in his grandmothers stories. His fear of dragons was irrational, he decided.<br/>Arthur waved it off as imagination. And superstition.</p><p>Until the day Arthur and the knights had some fun with a young stable boy. The day they decided it was fun to throw dagger at him.<br/>“This was supposed to be a moving target practice!”, Arthur laughed at the cowering figure. This was fun. This was harmless fun, right? He wasn´t actually trying to hurt the servant. </p><p>“That´s enough.”, a voice suddenly interrupted him. Arthur´s arms sank. That sounded familiar. The voice, that is. <br/>“You´ve had your fun my friend.”</p><p>When Arthur turned around, he stared at the boy. A boy – in peasant clothing – a red neckerchief, black hair, blue eyes, big ears. He looked familiar too. <br/>“Do I know you?!”, he asked. In earnest. <br/>Seriously, why was Arthur´s mind telling him that this boy was supposed to be much older? But the boy was hinner, paler, less muscular. Less sad then the image his mind compared him to.<br/>Arthur felt himself freeze. It was him. It was the man from the clock!<br/>If he was going to introduce himself as Emrys, Arthur wouldn´t know what to do.</p><p>“Hi, I´m Merlin.”, the boy said and never in his life had Arthur been so relieved. The boy stretched out his hand in greeting, but Arthur made no attempt to take it. The last time this person held him – even from a different perspective and in different context, Arthur had been dying. Or just died. No matter. This man was not going to touch Arthur. </p><p>“So I don´t know you.”, Arthur said, honestly waiting for the “no” that Merlin easily complied. <br/>“And yet you called me “friend”.”, Arthur said – hinting at something. But Merlin didn´t seem to recognize him. Of course he wouldn´t. That vision was a dream, a memory, a future memory if you so will. Merlin couldn´t know anything about it. Regardless if it was a dream or reality.</p><p>“Sorry, that was my fault.”<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“Yeah. I could never be friends with such an arse.”, Merlin grinned and Arthur stunned. <br/>This peasant just right up stood up to a knight of Camelot. <br/>Even if he didn´t know who Arthur was. What a complete idiot. Brave, but stupid.</p><p>And well – you know the rest of this scene, don´t you? Arthur hoped he´d ever see that fool again. He´ll be disappointed, of course. But that is still about to happen.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------</p><p> </p><p>That day, Arthur decided to look for the clock room once again. And easily, he found his way back to the vaults. He avoided the path that would led him to the dragon. For obvious reasons. Nobody would consciously seek out their destined murderer. If and only if the vision of his prophesy would end up true. </p><p>The room was ticking as loudly as ever. So that hadn´t been his imagination. Arthur took a deep breath. This place gave him goosebumps. </p><p>Arthur walked passed the living and dead clocks, to find that Emrys´ was still waiting for him. <br/>The whispering hurt his ear drums, but he knew what he was looking for. <br/>He had seen his own death. He wanted to know how this story ended. When would Emrys stop remembering him? That man. That couldn´t be Merlin from this morning. Right?</p><p>Arthur took a deep breath as he touched the clock and suddenly there was that ringing in his head again. <br/>The room went blank. </p><p>A moment later, his surroundings mixed together in a whirlwind of colors. Mostly green and blue, but there was a spark of red on top of a hill. And sparks of yellow and gold. SO much yellow. Like burning flames. <br/>Arthur heaved a deep breath. The man he saw was old. A long white beard grew all down to his feet. He held a staff with a blue stone ingrained in it. </p><p>The man sat on a large rock as he watched the sky. Arthur followed his gaze. The man hadn´t noticed him yet. And then Arthur´s heart sank. So this was why there was so much yellow. <br/>Over them – the sky burned. Stars were falling down, the sun was shuddering as though it was going to explode. <br/>There was a wind around them. It carried the smell of burned plants and flesh. Arthur hoped he´d never find out what kind of flesh it was. </p><p>Arthur hurried. And cursed that he hadn´t even taken a sword with him. Didn´t he have to protect himself?<br/>That was when he spotted the stone just underneath the hill. There was a metallic object pushed into it. It was sturdy – waiting for someone to pull it out. As though his dream had expected him to want a sword.</p><p>With ease, he pulled it out of the stone and carefully sneaked up the hill to approach the old man. He didn´t even have time to gape over the beautiful markings.</p><p>“Have you finally come to kill me?”, the old man suddenly spoke up. He hadn´t even looked up. It was like he expected his arrival.<br/>Arthur almost let the sword fall in surprise. <br/>“What – I – no - “, Arthur stuttered, but the man only laughed. </p><p>“It´s fine. I was waiting for you, Arthur.”, the man finally turned around to shoot him an amused look. Was it even okay that he could see and talk to him? Arthur really didn´t know how this clock thing worked.</p><p>“Tell me what´s happening! Why is the sky burning? How do you know me? Why were you waiting for me?! Who are you?!”, Arthur grabbed his sword harder at the demand, hoping he would be able to defend himself. <br/>The man looked nothing like Merlin. Nothing like that dragon. Who was he? Where did he come from? Was he Emrys? Where was this man in his first vision?</p><p>“Nothing. It´s just – the world collapsing. The sun exploding, stuff like that. The end of the world.”, the old man said tiredly. As though this scenario was familiar to him. Like he had seen it before. Or maybe waited for it. <br/>“We´ve got a couple of hours. I´d rather not be here when that happens though.” Then he looked Arthur up and down. <br/>“You are younger than the last time I saw you.”</p><p>Arthur frowned at that. “How do you know me? Who are you!”<br/>The stranger smiled. “What name was written on the clock?”</p><p>Arthur´s eyes widened. “YOU are Emrys! How do you know about the clock? What -”</p><p>“You´ve told me before.”</p><p>“Have we met?”</p><p>“I have met you many times, Arthur. I suppose all of those times are still your future.”</p><p>It was silent for a couple of minutes, when Arthur let his sword sink. It was getting heavy. </p><p>“Are you a sorcerer?”, Arthur asked, confused and still frightened of the burning sky. <br/>“Did you set the world on fire?”</p><p>Emrys chuckled. “I am a warlock, yes. The most powerful who ever lived. But no. What you see is the natural end of this world. You won´t live to see it.”, then he looked at Arthur funny. “Though I suppose you did before anyone else.” Then he laughed at the joke that Arthur didn´t get. </p><p>Arthur´s nostrils flared and he grabbed his sword tighter. “If you are a sorcerer, I have to kill you!”<br/>But the last comment left a heavy feeling in his stomach. How far in the future where they? <br/>Thousands of years, his mind suggested, causing his stomach to drop.</p><p>Emrys laughed. “I know. I was hoping you would. Makes it easier, you know? When you´re not hesitating.”</p><p>Arthur stopped. Was this man - “You want me to kill you?” His eyes widened. </p><p>Emrys sighed. “It´s the last time i´ll ever see you.”, he said simply. As though that was all that mattered. As though he didn´t care for anything else. As though that explained anything. <br/>The heavy feeling in Arthur´s stomach tightened. <br/>Then, Emrys smiled. <br/>“I´ve lived a long life. Many – many lifetimes actually. I´m not afraid of death.”</p><p>“How old are you?”</p><p>Emrys smiled. “Older then you right now. But I´ve spend a couple lifetimes with your future self. Sometimes it was you who was older than me. Because you wanted to brag. <br/>Turn the tides and stuff. “</p><p>“I´m not immortal.”, Arthur heard himself say. It was true. How was he supposed to live a couple of lifetimes, when he had seen himself die at the age of 30?</p><p>Emrys grinned. “But I am. And that clock of yours allows you to visit me as many times as you want. And you did. You will. It´s not as scary as it sounds. <br/>You came here for something else – what is it? What do you want to know?”</p><p>Arthur blinked a couple of times. This dream was getting very ominous. <br/>How did this Emrys know that he came for a reason? </p><p>“I met a boy today.”, he started and cursed himself directly after. What a stupid way to introduce the issue. Emrys moved his hand for him to continue. <br/>“He – he insulted me. But that´s not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to know : the boy looked like a younger version of a man I saw in a different vision. <br/>There was a dragon and a man who looked very – sad about my death and -”, Arthur lost his trail, as Emrys tapped his fingers on the rock with a hum. </p><p>“Yes. That was the day you died. I was the one who held you in my arms when you did.”, he nodded with a sad smile. Arthur´s eyes widened again. This man was – the old man was the same person that had shouted at the dragon? He WAS the man? They looked so different, Arthur couldn´t see the resemblance. Maybe there was something in the eyes, but he wasn´t sure.</p><p>Was he Merlin as well? Then why did he call himself Emrys? Or was he Emrys and just called himself Merlin? Arthur was confused.</p><p>“That was the end of your journey, and the beginning of mine. <br/>Now the tides have turned, I think. I will die today.”, Emrys said. </p><p>Arthur let the sword fall. “You are?”, he asked, irritated. If this man was a sorcerer. If he was Emrys who had lived such a long life.  Long enough to see the end of the world – if he truly was immortal- then why was he so certain he would die today? Why was he so certain Arthur could, when apparently nobody ever succeeded in doing so? Surely people have tried before. How did he even know Arthur would be come?</p><p>Emrys looked at the sword. “My, boy. You just told me you were going to kill me.”</p><p>Arthur paled. “But – I have questions. I need to know -”</p><p>Emrys shook his head. “No. You can ask me another time. I´m tired. And I need you to kill me before the sun dies. Because when she does, this sword will burn and melt and I´m not sure if I can bare to be burned alive. I don´t know if my magic will keep me alive. But even if it doesn´t – I have feared the pyre for so long. I really don´t want the sun to mock me for that today.”</p><p>“You mean the sun might not kill you – but the sword can.”, Arthur raised an eyebrow. That – didn´t make sense.  But the hint on the pyre – he would keep that in mind.</p><p>Emrys sighed. “It was forged in a dragons breath. It can kill immortals. And it is the last of it´s kind. I promised the dragon who made it, only the once and future king shall wield it. You have to be the one to kill me.”</p><p>“I´m not even king!”, Arthur almost yelled, as he saw a star grow exponentially bigger. As though it was heading in their direction. </p><p>“No. Not yet. But you once were. And you will be. For you are the once and future king. <br/>It is time Arthur.” Emrys shot him another smile, raising a hand. </p><p>Then his eyes glowed gold as the sword that had fallen to the ground flew back into Arthur´s hand. <br/>Arthur panicked. Sorcery, his mind unhelpfully told him. He already knew that, why was he surprised?</p><p>Now he had to kill him. This man was a sorcerer. And yet – Arthur failed to see a reason to kill him. What had the man done? <br/>Maybe more than Arthur knew. But Emrys saw killing him as mercy, not punishment. Arthur was confused. He never thought he´d ever hesitate in a situation such as this. Death was supposed to be a punishment. This man had been waiting for it. Wanting it.</p><p>“Arthur. It´s fine.”</p><p>“Just – answer me one more question.”  Arthur waited, until Emrys nodded slowly. <br/>“Is this a dream? Or is it the future.”<br/>Emrys smiled. “I think that depends on who you are.”</p><p>Arthur nodded, even though he didn´t understand, before he grabbed the sword more tightly. Waiting for Emrys to attack him. But the sorcerer never did. When the sword pushed through ribs and flesh, covering the sword and ground in bright red, Arthur could feel the world around him grow cold and gray. <br/>Less real. Like color fades from a painting when exposed to the sun for many years. <br/>Emrys smiled at him as he died. “Thank you.”, he said, closing his eyes as blood dripped out of his wound. <br/>Arthur had the feeling Emrys wasn´t thanking him for the murder part. But something else. Something that was still in Arthur´s future. But had happened to this man before. </p><p>The world blanked out, as the sorcerer in front of him heaved his last breath. A second later, Arthur was back in the clock room. <br/>Tears spilling down his cheeks. He didn´t know why. But he felt like half his world had just been ripped from him.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Modern 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay, so this chapter got a bit long. I feel like this story has a lot of potential and many many times to explore. So I have no idea how long i´ll be working on this. <br/>Anyway. Have fun ^^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few weeks had Arthur turning in his sleep. <br/>Merlin was his manservant. He had saved his life! Only one day after Arthur ran the old man through. <br/>Arthur wasn´t quite sure yet, whether or not the clock showed him the real future or just visions that were supposed to be lessons for his future actions.  <br/>Neither did he know if this old man really was Merlin. He was Emrys, but were him and Merlin the same person? <br/>He was sure Emrys was either the Dragon or the man who cried over his death. Unless Dragons could transform into humans, all evidence told him it must be the young man. The one who resembled Merlin in everything but age.</p><p>Dream or not, Merlin or Emrys,  Arthur continued to see his new servant impaled in his sleep. <br/>He saw the blood dripping from his sword, the light fading from his eyes. </p><p>Arthur didn´t want to think about it. He didn´t want to question whether or not he had done the right thing in his vision. Damn it, he had seen the end of the world. He could pretend nothing was wrong. He could ignore the bags under his own eyes. </p><p>After all – he doubted there was any danger coming from this foolish boy. <br/>Merlin was clumsy, kindhearted, if ignorant of people´s status. He lacked the whole evil-sorcerer vibe that was so easy to detect in their villains. (At least when you had a hunch or looked back on them.)<br/>The woman who had tried revenge on Uther – a woman who impersonated and killed lady Helen – had announced her murder. Had called Uther out on her planned revenge. An eye for an eye and so on. <br/>She had changed her appearance to fool them. </p><p>Merlin didn´t seem capable of pulling of a disguise. Even if he was, that didn´t explain why he would keep up the act for an eternity. <br/>Merlin was too obvious in his mistakes. Too loud to be ignored. But maybe that was his plan. The perfect disguise. Nobody would suspect him, if he was so obvious. Arthur wasn´t so sure.<br/>He was wary of the odd boy. </p><p>He had no proof. Otherwise he might have asked Gaius or his father for advice. All he knew was that this boy risked his own life to save Arthur´s. Arthur´s suspicions were based on hallucinations and superstition. <br/>And murdering and damning one man for something that happened in a dream was against everything Arthur was taught. Everything he believed in. Against everything that was right and just.</p><p>So he watched. Trying to find proof if this man was even capable of evil. </p><p>Then Merlin warned him of Valiant. At first, Arthur didn´t believe him. Believed it to be a trick. But he saw the head of the snake and the honesty in Merlin´s eyes. And then the hopeful expression, when Arthur decided to grand him the benefit of the doubt. Merlin was relieved. A murderer wouldn´t look relieved. </p><p>It was the same look the old man had for him when he died by Arthur´s hand. <br/>Of course everything went downhill from that. Arthur was embarrassed in front of the entire court and sacked Merlin soon after, when in a rash moment of emotions, Arthur doubted his servant.<br/>But in the end he had said the truth. He had warned Arthur and maybe that had saved his life in a way. Again.</p><p>After that Merlin drank poison for Arthur. Arthur, who couldn´t bare to owe the man another debt, decided it was his duty to repay him this time. He went out against his father to find the flower that would cure his servant. Arthur almost died, but found himself saved by magic. <br/>Arthur couldn´t help but wonder about the blue orb that granted him light in the dark. For a second he had wondered if the clock from the room had just followed him here. Or if an evil sorcerer tried to kill him. Instead – it saved his life. Maybe. Just maybe, magic wasn´t as evil as he thought. This was proof against his father´s believes!<br/>Maybe Emrys was a sorcerer. But maybe there was a chance that he was a good one.</p><p>And Lancelot? When Arthur saw the documents, he had believed him to be a real royal. He wasn´t though. And he lied to Arthur. But he fought like a knight. And defeated a Griffin. A creature of magic that could only be killed by magic. If Lancelot was a sorcerer or a sorcerer had helped him – the result was all the same. He had used it for Camelot. It had saved Arthur and protected the kingdom. Arthur failed to see the evil in that.</p><p>When Edwin arrived in Camelot to save Morgana´s life, when Gaius couldn´t, Arthur knew the man was a sorcerer. A cure for all ills. Of course it had to do with magic. <br/>But he saved Morgana. So he was good right?<br/>Then he tried to kill the king. Now Arthur wasn´t so sure anymore. From one day to the next – Edwin was dead. And Merlin was more quiet than usual. Arthur could only wonder what had happened. All he knew were the ramblings of his father.</p><p>Sophia and her father came to Camelot. Arthur lost much of his memories but he was certain Merlin had not knocked him out. Or had he with magic? <br/>That was a story that Arthur rather didn´t dwell on. Yet he had a feeling that he should thank Merlin. He never did. Not for that at least.</p><p>Then came Mordred. And Arthur, Morgana and Merlin helped him escape. <br/>However, this time Arthur wondered why Merlin ended up late to help them. If Merlin was a sorcerer and Mordred a druid. Shouldn´t Merlin be eager to help him?<br/>Or maybe Arthur miscalculated the situation and Merlin knew something Arthur didn´t? Or Merlin was no sorcerer at all and he just didn´t trust Mordred. But why did he help him before then? Why only hesitate as soon as Arthur was involved?<br/>Perhaps that too was just in his mind. Merlin could have said the truth that he just had trouble to get out the castle.</p><p>And last, but not least, Arthur´s birthday came. And with him coming of age, Camelot had a new crown prince. </p><p>Also a black knight who wanted his fathers head and killed two of Arthur´s youngest knights. <br/>Arthur – against his fathers wishes – took the initiative this time. Knowing fully well that no mortal blade could kill it, he decided it was his turn to fight. <br/>He couldn´t let his knights die in meaningless fights any longer. If they wanted a Pendragon. Hell – they should get one. <br/>This was NOT how Arthur expected to die. How he knew he whould die. It lacked the dragonish influence. Maybe fate was on his side? Perhaps Arthur still had a chance to survive this? <br/>Maybe if he found the sword from the stone... If it could kill the immortal Emrys, there was every chance it could kill the dark knight, too. Arthur´s mind was made up. <br/>He had to talk to Emrys again. He could tell him how to find that sword. Or how to make it. How to defeat the undead.</p><p>All he needed was another hour in the clockroom. </p><p> </p><p>                                                   --------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>While Merlin had disappeared to who knows where, Arthur distracted the guards and sneaked down to the vaults. As always, avoiding the hall that lead to the dragon. Arthur was not going to die tomorrow. <br/>The ticking and whispering greeted him like it did the last two times Arthur had visited the clockroom. It was unnerving, distracting and pulling at him. <br/>With sure steps, Arthur approached the small falcon. And wished with all his heart – that for once he could live a simple life. One without responsibilities. One where his decisions didn´t decide the fate of an entire kingdom. </p><p>He closed his eyes as he broadened his shoulders. He had left sword and armor in his room. He wanted to talk to the sorcerer who outlived him, not kill him again. <br/> He couldn´t condemn a man for the same crimes twice. It wouldn´t be right. </p><p>The world went blank once more. Colors fading and rearranging themselves to a new scenery. </p><p>When Arthur opened his eyes, ready for another damaged world, he found himself in a hall. <br/>The walls were white. So white, Arthur couldn´t help but stare at the blinding paper that covered them.</p><p>Fascinated by it´s clean appearance, Arthur shook his head. He wasn´t here to stare at walls. No matter how expensive and outrageous they looked. The fact remained that not even the expensive throne room of Cendred had walls as white as this. And Cendred prided himself with his crystal mines that his castle was build of.</p><p>The hall was empty. So nobody had seen him appear so suddenly. Maybe that was a thing with the clock. Maybe it would be too disturbing if a man suddenly appeared out of nowhere in a room full of people. </p><p>In front of him was a wooden door. Colored in blue. The paint was fading lightly, and a sign next to it read: 00413<br/>Whatever that meant. </p><p>Arthur took a deep breath before he knocked. Was this somebodies chambers?<br/>As nobody answered, Arthur took all his courage to enter. </p><p>All the chattering in the room faded suddenly. And Arthur had the feeling he had just interrupted an important council meeting. His father used to shout at him in similar situations, when he was younger. <br/>Arthur opened his mouth, suddenly nervous at all the strange people whom he didn´t recognize.</p><p>Their clothes, he noticed, had brighter colors than his own. Different in so many ways. Some wore tight clothes, some wide ones. Some women wore trousers. But everything looked so clean that Arthur felt oddly under dressed. He was a king for god´s sake! And he wore one of his finest blue dress shirts. Along with black pants and stunning leather boots. How could he feel under dressed?</p><p>Then again – he had expected to find Emrys. He had expected him to be alone. Now he was faced with a crowd of people. </p><p>All this passed through his mind in a matter of seconds, as suddenly a man stood up so suddenly that his chair fell over with a loud clank. <br/>“Arthur!? You´re back!!!!” Arthur was greeted by a blinding smile, as Merlin jumped over his desk towards Arthur. No. AT Arthur.</p><p>It was Merlin. Absolutely and without any doubt. He looked maybe two years older than Arthur. Nothing more. Maybe he used magic to appear that way? He looked even younger than the day Arthur´s future self died. <br/>What Arthur wasn´t prepared for, however, was two hands on his cheeks and lips on his mouth as Merlin practically knocked him to the ground. </p><p>Arthur´s eyes widened and paled as realization hit him. <br/>Out of reflex he pushed Merlin away from him, trying to catch his breath and to avoid the sudden panic that shot to his head. Along with hot burning blood that rushed to his face.</p><p>His mind stopped working, as Merlin looked at him with that hurt expression he only wore when Arthur didn´t believe one of his ridiculous theories. <br/>Then understanding replaced the hurt, as he scanned Arthur´s face for clues to his reaction. </p><p>Biting his lip, and ignoring the chuckles and or annoyed groans in the room, Merlin stood up and brushed the dust from his clothes. Then he held out a hand. But Arthur didn´t dare take it. <br/>In fact, he felt burdened by all the stares from the people around him. <br/>They looked amused, some of them stunned by what had just happened. Nobody however looked as horrified as Arthur did. </p><p>“Merlin? Is that your boyfriend?”, a girl asked. She had black hair that she wore in a tight bun and something that looked like windows in front of her eyes. <br/>Her clothes were white and black. Again – how did they find such white fabric?<br/>She had a humorous look in her eyes, as though she felt sorry for Arthur. But not really sorry. “Does he know he is?”</p><p>“I -”, Arthur´s voice faded. What was a boyfriend?<br/>By Merlin´s reaction just now – she meant something like a consort, right? Was this what they were in this world? In this dream? Arthur´s head started spinning. What on earth could ever lead to that?<br/>He had heard rumors about such things happening with kings or princes before. But they never displayed themselves so openly. And since heirs were expected of royals – they got married either way. </p><p>Merlin sighed. Understanding growing in his eyes, along with disappointment. “How many times have you used the clock?”, he asked, ignoring the girl. He only had eyes for Arthur. And it was the demanding tone in his voice that made the whole room shoot him curious glances. </p><p>“I – it´s the third time?”, Arthur said quietly. <br/>Merlin blinked, then came even closer as his eyes widened. He walked around Arthur, searching for something, while the people in his room watched him just as disturbed as Arthur felt. </p><p>“What day is it?”, Merlin asked, causing the room to chatter, some of them trying to ask questions. But Merlin kept ignoring them. </p><p>“It´s – I – “, Arthur wasn´t sure how to approach the subject. “You ARE Emrys, are you not?”, Arthur decided to ask instead. <br/>Merlin met his eyes. </p><p>“His name is Merlin.”, the girl from before said confused. “Merlin, are you sure that´s the Arthur you told us about? He doesn´t even know your name!”</p><p>“No – no. I am. I am Emrys. You haven´t called me that for ages. What´s going on. Why are you here?”, Merlin asked. Suddenly sounding very serious. </p><p>The girl tried to understand what was going on, but could only glance between them helplessly. <br/>The incident from before simply ignored in favor of Arthur´s needs. Arthur felt slightly bad. Slightly flattered too.</p><p>“I – there is this knight who demanded a fight to the death. Two of my man have died – He survived more than one mortal blow and Gaius said he was undead. I need the sword. ”<br/>Arthur didn´t specify which sword. If Merlin truly was Emrys, as he so easily admitted only moments earlier, Merlin had to know about the sword.</p><p>Merlin nodded. “Yes, I remember that. But I don´t have the sword right now.” Then the servant – who was wearing a very expensive looking leather jacket and looked nothing like a servant – smiled. <br/>He relaxed as he laughed and embraced Arthur in a hug. Had they not had an audience, Arthur would have stopped him immediately. <br/>He didn´t want to look emotional because of the embrace, but shying away from one would make him look even weaker. It was Merlin who was being emotional anyway. </p><p>Instead, he patted him on the shoulder awkwardly. <br/>“Don´t worry, the knight won´t kill you. I´ve got it covered. The me in your time that is.”, Merlin said. <br/>“ Now come in. Sit down. <br/>My friends and I are working on a history project about the -”, Merlin cracked a smile. “Arthurian legend. You´ll love it. The stories are quite hilarious really.”</p><p>Then Merlin let go of him and pulled him into the room by his sleeve. <br/>Arthur followed hesitantly. Unsure how to move forward with all the staring directed at him. Arthurian legend? Legends about him? Was that what Merlin was implying? Really! When did that happen? What time was he in anyway?</p><p>“I – really don´t have the time -”, Arthur said, feeling awfully awkward in his own skin. Who even were these people that made assumptions about his – Merlin´s and his relationship.<br/>Also Arthur was very conscious of each of his own movements. He had walked into battles without thinking, killing people on sight. Ordered people to kill. <br/>But nothing was as frightening as to walk into a room such as this. With people like that. </p><p>Also he really didn´t have time for this. There was a knight who wanted him dead on sight.</p><p>“Oh don´t be stupid. You´ve spend lifetimes in here. Well – I suppose you haven´t yet. Anyway – you´ll wake up an hour later than the moment you entered the clockroom. <br/>YOU told me that.”, then Merlin hesitated as he seemed to realize something. “Wait a second -”, Merlin turned to him, noticing the blush on Arthur´s face. </p><p>“You also told me, the first time you used the clock you ended up seeing me and Kilgarrah right after you died. The second time you haven´t told me about. <br/>If this is the third time – does that mean this was the first time I ever kissed you?”</p><p>Merlin didn´t seem to care as Arthur flinched at the mention of that as though he had been slapped. He had hoped they could just ignore that. The curious glances looked even more confused now, the chattering dying down as they tried to listen to every word they exchanged. </p><p>Or was that just Arthur´s imagination? Was he so paranoid that he thought everybody´s attention was on them?</p><p>Merlin had said first time. That means, Merlin had more memories like that. Oh god, Arthur really didn´t want to know.<br/>He blushed even further, causing Merlin to laugh at him. “God you´re so embarrassed. No wonder you never wanted to tell me.”</p><p>Arthur took a deep breath. Time to bust this man´s whole carrier. “The second time I used the clock I killed you.”, Arthur said earnestly. Avoiding the subject. He almost regretted it, when he felt the mood darken.<br/>Merlin blinked, turning to him in confusion. Trying to see if Arthur was making fun of him. <br/>Honestly, how did this man not care what any of these people thought?</p><p>Merlin nodded slowly. Arthur continued eagerly. He didn´t want Merlin to turn against him, if he really was a sorcerer. One that didn´t want him dead just yet. <br/>“The sky was burning and you said it was the end of the world. You asked me to kill you with some sword that I pulled out a stone.”, Arthur nodded heavily. Then Merlin relaxed. </p><p>The atmosphere changed now. Suddenly there was laughter in the room. Whoever looked confused and irritated before was now smiling and grinning at them as though there was a joke that Arthur didn´t get. </p><p>Merlin nodded in thought, once again ignoring the laughter behind them. <br/>“I see. Makes sense.”</p><p>“Oh please, Merlin. Can you two please role play in your bedroom!”, a young man said. Like the girl before, he had black hair and a pair of windows on his nose. His face was a square, with jewels hanging from his ears and make up on his face. He wore a tight black shirt with a blue jacket on top. He looked amused, like the rest of them. <br/>Somehow, Arthur thought, the style suited the guy. No matter how strange it was how neat that shirt fit him. Then again, they all looked strange. And none of them seemed bothered by Merlin´s awkward display of affection from earlier. Surprised, but not bothered. </p><p>Then Arthur understood what the man implied and blushed even further. But Merlin just waved it off. <br/>“Shut up Brian.”, he said offhandedly. </p><p>“Sounds like you could use some days off.”, Merlin said to Arthur now. Arthur nodded slowly, then shook his head. <br/>“I can´t afford to waste time – I”</p><p>“It really doesn´t matter how long you´re here, Arthur. If it´s minutes or years. In your time it will be an hour. Don´t waste our time like this. Have some fun.<br/>You know what. I think I can afford to leave right now. I´ll show you this world. I haven´t seen you in months and you don´t know anything about this world yet. And I know this really awesome coffee shop you showed me.”, then Merlin grabbed him by his sleeve again, dragging him out the door. Arthur´s head was spinning, trying to keep up with Merlin´s explanation.</p><p>“Go get ´em!”, the guy, Brian whistled after them. Merlin ignored him and the laughter that followed them out the door. <br/>Merlin never stopped smiling. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>This world, Arthur decided as they put their first steps out of the maze that Merlin called a university, was one thing first and foremost:<br/>Loud. <br/>There were carriages that moved on their own – faster than horses passing by. Red and yellow and green lights turning and shifting at every crossroad. <br/>Buildings – tall like castles roamed the street. There were paper goblets and other junk spilled across the street and yet it was cleaner than the horse dunged paths Arthur rode on in his own time. </p><p>The people, Arthur realized, were all hectic and busy. Some talked to themselves as they passed him. Some wore tight black coats with something ridiculously white underneath. Others wore colorful clothes. Some had blue and red hair. Others green like forest leafs, again others were blond. Even blonder than Arthur himself. </p><p>Many of them wore those tiny windows on their faces. With glass so clean you could barely see them. It took Arthur a moment to realize there even was some kind of glass inside. <br/>What purpose they had – Arthur could only wonder. </p><p>Then there were people – children even – who were riding on little horses on wheels. <br/>These things were so strange, they passed by Arthur in a blur. Or it was the air that smelled of burned oils that confused his head. It stunk. But it was a different kind of foul smell than what Arthur was used to. </p><p>It took Arthur a while to realize that none of these people were royals. Literally none of them. He even saw a pleading man kneeling on the streets who wore finer shoes than Arthur did. </p><p>Merlin didn´t let him dwell on it. He took him by the sleeve and pulled him in the direction of a small building that smelled of bread and something bitter. But not unpleasant. <br/>“It´s coffee.”, Merlin explained, as though he knew what Arthur was thinking about. </p><p>Coffee. Coffee shop. Right. Merlin had told him where they would go. That didn´t mean Arthur understood where there was. </p><p>“Don´t worry. I´ll manage this. I doubt you have any money with you anyway. You never have.”</p><p>Arthur wanted to correct him. Because he DID have gold coins with him. But when Merlin pulled out a leather bound case and pulled out a blue card, he kept his mouth shut. <br/>That was not money. That was – Arthur didn´t even know what that was. </p><p>Merlin shot him a grin, as he ordered himself some tea and Arthur something that was called a Cappuccino. Also two slices of Vanilla ice cake. Arthur understood two of those words. And he wasn´t eager to find out what vanilla was, when they already put ice on a cake. <br/>His confusion must be showing,  because Merlin sighed. Arthur didn´t even notice that the woman behind the counter was both checking him out and judging him by his outfit. </p><p>“Trust me, Arthur. You´ll love it. You spend most of the fourteenth century complaining about how much you missed vanilla ice cake and coffee. They are your favorite, believe me.”, Merlin said, receiving an odd look from the lady behind the counter. <br/>Seriously, how ignorant was Merlin? If he talked about this, someone would find out he was a sorcerer! Or worse, believe Arthur was one or aligned with one and then they would kill them both!</p><p>“Be quiet. Do you want to be hanged for sorcery?”, Arthur hissed and voiced his thoughts. He was trying to be secretive, but the lady suddenly smiled as though there was a joke Arthur didn´t get. <br/>Maybe he should get used to that look. <br/>Damn, she had really clean white teeth. They stood out against her dark skin, like her eyes did too. </p><p>Merlin nudged him, annoyed as he was. <br/>“Arthur, please. People don´t believe in sorcery anymore. Also the death sentence was forbidden centuries ago. Can we sit now? I understand you have questions. I´d like to answer them, if you want. And can you please stop ogling her?” Merlin was pouting. In favor of annoying Merlin, Arthur decided to let the comment about sorcery slide for now.</p><p>Because that pout was familiar to him.<br/>“Oh, but why Merlin. Jealousy doesn´t suit you at all.”, Arthur ruffled his hair, but Merlin rolled his eyes. </p><p>“Please, Arthur. The max you´d ever get out of that relationship is one lifetime. You´ll come back sooner than you´d like to admit. You never get enough of me. Otherwise you wouldn´t seek me out so much with that stupid clock of yours.”</p><p>That had Arthur quiet. He really wanted to argue – but since he literally didn´t know anything about what was going to happen – in these dreams or where ever they were -<br/>“You mean, you wouldn´t mind?”, Arthur said, almost biting his own tongue, as they sat down to wait. Yes Arthur. That was the question you should be asking. He mentally slapped himself. </p><p>Merlin just chuckled. “You and I have an agreement, actually. Neither of us knows when you´ll come and when you´ll go, because every time you use that clock it send you somewhere were your heart wants you. <br/>It means you jumble in time a lot. Sometimes you know more, sometimes you know less than before. </p><p>And sometimes I wait for a couple of decades until you arrive. Though the longest were perhaps forty years. And that was because you decided to live out Gwen´s clock for a change.<br/>I still saw you then. But she only has one lifetime for you. I have hundreds. So it´s fine. </p><p>We decided we´d let each other have our fair share of relationships with people we trust. It´s some kind of open relationship. I mean – it would be cruel if I had to spend a century waiting for you, all alone. Missing you while my friends marry and die eventually. <br/>I think the time with Gwen was the only time we ever used it though. It´s nice to have some alone timewhen you disappear for eight years. In that time I go travel, see new things. Gather information to tell you about. All that stuff. <br/>Also – I spend most of the time with Freya, when you were off courting Gwen. Spend some time  with a lake goddess, you see. Do that still sometimes when you leave.”</p><p>Arthur´s mouth dropped open. “So – we really are a thing then?”, he asked. Because obviously that was the odd part.<br/>Merlin laughed. “Yeah. Kind of. It just – happened at some point. I think it was bound to happen. Our destinies were always connected. Two sides of the same coin. Soulmates if you so like. So yeah. We are.”</p><p>Merlin smiled at him. <br/>“So – you like me then?”, Arthur asked. Flabbergasted, because this was getting really, really ridiculous.</p><p>Merlin snorted. “Dude, every time it was legal, YOU proposed to ME. The twentieth time was a bit weird, but yeah. We haven´t had the chance for a couple centuries. Lately they changed the law again. So we technically could. Sadly, now you´re just a prat again.” </p><p>Arthur pouted. Until he realized something that should have stood out to him like – minutes ago. <br/>“Wait. I´m married to Gweneviere? The servant? MORGANA´s servant?”<br/>Arthur had always expected himself to get married to Morgana. The entire kingdom had talked about nothing else, each time they saw them waving at each other. (Never mind him getting to marry Merlin. Repeatedly, so it seemed. That was a worry for another day.)<br/>He never wanted to. Never liked the idea. Morgana was like a sister to him. At one point he was relieved, at another he was absolutely outraged. </p><p>Merlin noticed his sudden mood swing, but grinned at it amused. <br/>“You wouldn´t want to marry your own sister now, would you? And you love Gwen. Though I suppose you don´t know that yet.”</p><p>Arthur´s shoulders dropped. “Why on earth are you even telling me this? Aren´t you afraid you´ll change the past or something?” Arthur ignored the part about Morgana being his sister. Merlin meant it metaphorically, surely.</p><p>Merlin snorted once more, receiving a couple of random glances from strangers eyes.<br/>“Yeah, no. Not really. You´re stubborn. You still think all of this is something your sub conscience is trying to tell you. <br/>If that were true, you´re doing a very terrible job at listening to me. Then again, I´m not going to convince you otherwise, because I really don´t want to risk that things change. <br/>I don´t want to risk that you don´t seek out the clock anymore. I mean – you´re already crown prince. And you just started spending time with me. If you stopped now, then I would never see you again. <br/>And you´d never have visited in the first place. I don´t want that.  I want things to stay like this. Even if it started with me seeing you die. <br/>Or for you – with seeing me die. I guess we´re even.”</p><p>Arthur looked at Merlin with a tilted head. His sub conscious? Maybe that made sense. If maybe Merlin represented everything he cared about – like the folk of Camelot. <br/>And his doubts regarding magic and his fathers opinion. <br/>His fears of the future. Of dying. Of aging perhaps. <br/>Maybe the deep down Arthur was questioning whether or not status or gender should define you as a person. Should define whom you´re in love with. <br/>His mind could be trying to tell him that someone as loyal, as self sacrificing and trustworthy as Merlin was – was what he wanted in life. </p><p>What had Arthur wished before he touched the clock? A simple life. Without responsibilities, without fear or a destiny that awaited him. <br/>Maybe this dream was showing him one way. With Merlin – because Arthur always failed to take care of himself. And despite Merlin´s incompetence, Arthur failed to imagine anyone more fitting for the job.</p><p>“So – how long do you think you´re staying?”, Merlin asked, as the waitress finally arrived with their vanilla ice cakes and steaming drinks. <br/>Somehow, Arthur wondered why her bright smile was less addictive now than it had been ten minutes ago. <br/>Merlin, however, looked at him with those hopeful eyes again. </p><p>Arthur bit his lip. It didn´t matter how long he stayed, did it? He would have been gone for only an hour. And Arthur was curious about this loud and noisy world. He´d like to see it. <br/>When Arthur would return to Camelot, he would die. Which wasn´t exactly something he looked forward to. </p><p>“I think a couple of weeks could be nice?”, he said uncertain. But the beaming look in Merlin´s eyes relaxed him. <br/>Yes. Arthur did deserve some time off of his duties. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Later that evening, Merlin pulled Arthur in the direction of one of those metallic carriages. <br/>At first, Arthur wasn´t sure if he wanted to get in. But decided, that whatever a “taxi” was, couldn´t kill him in his sleep. <br/>Merlin´s comment only proved his theory. <br/>“Oh, don´t worry Arthur. If you die, you´ll just wake up back in Camelot. It happened before.”<br/>That wasn´t really reassuring, but it did the trick.</p><p>The car, as Merlin had called it, had seats comfortable enough to suit a king. So Arthur did try to get comfortable. Until Merlin reminded him to put the seat belt on, while telling the man in the front where to go. The guy nodded, as he tapped on the wheel like object in front of him and started fiddling with a little picture frame that looked like a miniature map.</p><p>“What is a seat belt?”, Arthur asked. Again confused by the new information. Merlin blinked at him, before smiling again. <br/>“Oh, right. Just watch.” Then Merlin pulled at something behind him. That was black and long like a leather belt and pushed the metallic object at it´s end into a red box. </p><p>Arthur nodded slowly, reaching for another black belt thing that was on his own side as well. <br/>When he pulled it however, it got stuck for a moment and Arthur fumbled around with it until it worked. Satisfied, he smiled at Merlin, when it finally worked. <br/>But Merlin couldn´t hold back his grin. </p><p>“What are they for?”, Arthur asked, eyeing the driver cautiously. <br/>“They are for safety.”, Merlin said. But before Arthur could ask what that meant, the driver finally drove off. So sudden and fast that Arthur felt himself being pushed back into his seat. <br/>He blinked, as a headache already formed in his head. </p><p>“Don´t worry, you´ll get used to it.”, Merlin said with a smile and left Arthur alone with his thoughts as he directed his attention to a small black box that he took out his pocket and started tapping on it. </p><p>Arthur wanted to comment how rude that was, when he realized that his mind was spinning endlessly. Arthur rode horses on a daily basis. He wasn´t used to vehicles. No less cars. And his mind kept reminding him that the whole thing was just too fast for him. Too smooth for his brain to understand.</p><p>It felt like an eternity, when the surroundings blurred passed him and he was finally allowed to leave the cursed thing. When he stepped outside, weak on his knees, he took a deep breath of not so fresh air and wondered how he hadn´t thrown up just yet. </p><p>“Come on.”, Merlin said, after he paid the driver and went ahead to show Arthur where they were going this time. </p><p>“There” was a very large building. Made entirely of glass. Or was it just one side of the facade. Hard to say when you only see one side.<br/>“What the hell is that?”, Arthur asked. Mesmerized by the whole thing. <br/>Merlin smiled. “It´s where I live.”, he said amused. </p><p>“In that thing?”, Arthur asked shocked. The building was larger then the castle of Camelot. And looked far more complicated to be build by men. </p><p>Merlin grinned. “I have an apartment in there. Best part about being immortal: you have all the time in the world to get a lot of money. You and I did some business in the past. Now we have a whole bunch of money to spend on apartments and houses. We have a house in almost every part of the land. And some other countries too. <br/>You don´t need to worry about a thing. Now come on.”</p><p>With that they entered the building. The doors opened by themselves! <br/>“Magic.”, Arthur whispered, more to himself than Merlin. But Merlin laughed anyway. He seemed to laugh a lot more than in Arthur´s time. <br/>“Yeah, no. I told you. People don´t believe in magic nowadays. I´m pretty sure I´m the last warlock left.”<br/>Merlin sighed. Something sad mixed into his happy expression. <br/>Arthur blinked as he realized how much those kind of reactions bothered him already. This feeling was not knew to him. He had that reaction in his own time on multiple occasions. </p><p>Merlin always looked as though he was hiding something. This Merlin however, Arthur knew this Merlin would answer him any question he may have. <br/>So he followed him through the bluish room into some kind of metallic box. What was it with people and their random magical boxes? </p><p>Without further explanation, Merlin pressed a button and the door closed shut. Panic rose within Arthur as the box started to rumble. He reached for his sword that wasn´t there, trying to steady himself as they went up up up. Or was it down? Arthur couldn´t tell. The room had no windows. And if Merlin kept watching him with that amused smile, arms crossed, trying to stiffle a laugh, Arthur didn´t notice until the door open once more. </p><p>With wide eyes, he watched as what looked a lot different than the room they had entered from. <br/>“Merlin, what is going on?” Did we travel in space this time? He didn´t say. Really, after his latest encounter with time travel, he shouldn´t be so surprised.</p><p>“It´s called a lift, Arthur. We could have used the stairs. But we live on the top floor. That´s too far up to walk.<br/>So, come on. I´ll show you our room.”</p><p>Arthur didn´t fail to notice that Merlin kept saying “we” and “our” and “us” whenever he referred to his living quarters. <br/>It made something itch in his blood. Like Merlin was trying to tell him he belonged here. That they belonged together. It was a bit much for him. <br/>Arthur was used to be ignored by his father. To be overlooked by the people he loved most. </p><p>He´s always had a responsibility and he still does. But here he was. And Merlin offering him a place to stay. To be. To live. He offered him time. Freedom. Space. Opportunities.<br/>Apparently love too, but Arthur wasn´t quite sure what to think about that yet. In fact that last one bothered him quite a bit. </p><p>He wasn´t even sure if he was supposed to run from him or if he should let things develop on their own. Merlin seemed to know what he was talking about. <br/>Apart from the kiss – he hadn´t forced himself on Arthur. And since they had some kind of “open relationship” as Merlin called it, Arthur trusted that Merlin would treat him respectfully. Would respect his choices.<br/>Knowing that Arthur wasn´t up to it just yet. But that was the point wasn´t it? Merlin seemed so sure that Arthur would be up to it at some point. He waited for it.</p><p>Merlin took off his jacket as the door to the apartment closed behind them. To reveal a shirt with a skull on it. Arthur blinked at the sight. <br/>He´d seen colored shirts like this on the street, but hadn´t had the chance to actually appreciate their designs.  </p><p>It almost distracted him enough to not notice the whole mess that this place was in. <br/>Some kind of organized mess. Books and something that looked like pergaments but a lot cleaner were spilled all around. </p><p>“Say, Merlin. Doesn´t this world have cabins?”<br/>Merlin snorted at that, as he picked up some of the square pergament rolls and folded them to make room on the large couch that stood in the middle of the room. <br/>“Nah, I´m just messy.”, he said, shrugging. He went to put the books up a shelve that had more than just books on it. There were small objects on there. </p><p>“What are they?”, Arthur asked, as he followed Merlin to the shelf, to pick up some kind of golden goblet. <br/>“Gifts. From you. From where you traveled. From where our future or past selves traveled.”</p><p>“How many are there?”, Arthur asked in wonder. Because he now noticed the entire room was filled with these useless objects. </p><p>“I don´t know. I never counted them.”, Merlin said, leaving Arthur to pick up another few books. Some laundry too. </p><p>Arthur nodded slightly. Wondering where or how he´d ever get to find these objects. Until he remembered that this was a dream and nothing more. <br/>Whatever his mind was telling him. Asking him to do – preparing him for something. Arthur had no clue. But when he looked out the giant window to look over the city that was about as giant as his own kingdom – if not bigger – he decided that maybe all his mind wanted to give him was some peace and quiet. </p><p>“You can go and look around if you want. I´ll sleep on the couch tonight. Should you be confused or – well – don´t know where or how to use the bathroom. - Don´t hesitate to ask.”</p><p>Arthur turned to look at him. Wondering what that meant. <br/>“You´re letting me sleep in your bed?”, Arthur´s mind asked. Even though he desperately wanted to know what on earth a bathroom was. Was it a room just to bath? Not even Arthur had such luxery. <br/>Surely, if he lived in such a large building, with enough money to buy multiple houses, he´d have servants too, right?</p><p>Merlin shot him another grin. “Unless you want to share?”, he said. With a serious kind of sarcasm that made Arthur gulp quickly. It made him laugh awkwardly. <br/>“Oh come on, Arthur. Don´t look at me like I´m going to jump you. I was joking. You´re not ready. I know that. It´s fine. Take however much time you need.”<br/>This time, Merlin put his hand on Arthur´s shoulder, sending him a reassuring smile. </p><p>It was not at all reassuring really. Because the implication was that at some point, Arthur would share a bed with Merlin. With his servant. It was expectations. It was the kind of pressure that builds up over time. And the seeds were already taking root in his mind. <br/>Merlin sighed. “Arthur. Calm down.”</p><p>When had Arthur started breathing so hard? This was ridiculous. This was just a dream. His own dream. Why was he feeling so powerless all of a sudden? He was the prince of Camelot!<br/>For god´s sake, he should be calmer about this. He shouldn´t be so worked up about it in the first place!<br/>If Uther were to plan an arranged marriage, that would be one thing. That would be duty, that would have a purpose. But what Merlin was implying - was love. <br/>Real love. How could he expect any of that from Arthur? Arthur had never been in love before. Not really at least. He didn´t count Sophia. <br/>He didn´t even know what love was for god´s sake.  <br/>Arthur was panicking about literally nothing. Why was he panicking? Stop panicking!</p><p>“Arthur! Arthur. Calm down. Calm – come on sit down.”, Merlin guided him to the couch. Slowly, carefully. With a calm voice as though they had done this many times before. <br/>Arthur complied, if only because his legs were about to give out. <br/>Oh, how he wished to say that this was the result of being confronted with a new strange world. What would he give to pretend this was about the fact that he left Camelot in a peril. The dead knight waiting to lift his sword above Arthur´s head. </p><p>But no. He was panicking because of – love. Because of Merlin. Because Merlin loved him and expected Arthur to love him back. If not now, then in the future. <br/>“Arthur – come on. Breath with me.” Air. What was air? Arthur continued to comply. Waiting for Merlin to do something weird. To come too close or go away entirely. Both options that Arthur didn´t want to see happening ever. Merlin did neither. He just waited for Arthur to calm down. </p><p>“Can you tell me what´s wrong?”, Merlin asked, trying to read Arthur as though he had done so multiple times. </p><p>Arthur opened his mouth. Unsure how to voice any of this in front of the man himself. It was frustrating. And embarrassing.<br/>“You´re not panicking because of me are you?”, Merlin asked. Suddenly he looked like he remembered something. <br/>“You do know that I´m a sorcerer, right? You hinted at it at the coffee shop. Is that it? Should I – I can not use it if it bothers you so much.”, Merlin suggested and Arthur felt the sudden desire to pummel him. No. This was not about magic. This was just a dream after all. Dream magic was not dangerous magic. At least Arthur wanted to believe that. <br/>Arthur was just afraid to see them – well. </p><p>Arthur opened his mouth again. As he very intelligible explained: “You love me.” God Arthur had not wanted to say it like that.<br/>Merlin froze, his eyes widening. <br/>“Yes I do. Why?” Then he seemed to remember. “Oh. Right. You told me about that. In another life. You´re panicking because....<br/>Oh, Arthur. I was joking before. I´m not expecting you to fall in love with me.”</p><p>Arthur looked up incredulously at that. “You literally told me that we are a thing! How can you NOT expect it to happen, when you already have memories of it!”</p><p>Merlin sighed, but smiled, as Arthur´s breathing finally calmed at the admission. <br/>“Yes I do. But, Arthur. I don´t exactly know if you´re falling in love with me in this life. Or another. Or five from now. You literally have all the time in the world to decide what you feel. <br/>To even start feeling at all. You are so much younger than me right now. Don´t you realize that? Don´t you realize that you´re barely 21, while I´m already over a thousand? </p><p>What I feel for you and what you feel for me are two entirely different things. They develop on entirely different paths!  <br/>I have memories of you being in love with me. That implies that it happens at some point or another. It doesn´t say that you have to. It doesn´t say you have no say in it. It says that that is a choice your future self made. Based on reasons and feelings that you don´t have at this point.</p><p>I won´t do anything that you don´t approve of. Just like I know you won´t do anything that I don´t approve of. You never did.”</p><p>“But Brian said -”</p><p>Merlin laughed. “Brian always tries to set me up with someone. He does that all the time. Don´t listen to him. What is or isn´t between us is between us. <br/>No one else has a say in it. </p><p>“You said we´re in an open relationship.”, Arthur commented, finally feeling himself calm down a little. <br/>“Yeah. Only for Gwen and Freya, as far as I know. Don´t worry your big head over things that haven´t even happened. Take your time. Settle in first.”, he smiled. <br/>And silence settled over them for a few moments.</p><p>“I´ll go work on my school project now. You can watch me or sleep or – whatever you want. Just don´t wander off on your own. I´m afraid I may not find you again if you do.”</p><p>Merlin shot him another smile. And for the first time since they were in the coffee shop, Arthur found himself looking into Merlin´s eyes. <br/>They were dark blue. How had he not known that before? Or was this a dream thing?</p><p>He exhaled a deep breath, before he nodded and Merlin ruffled his head. A gesture that usually happened in the reverse. Maybe, Merlin had picked it up from Arthur. </p><p>But while Merlin left the couch and Arthur alone, Arthur considered what Merlin had said. <br/>Their situations. Their – age difference. </p><p>Merlin was that old? What time did he land in then? Arthur scratched his head, as Merlin sat down on a broad desk right in front of the giant window. Such clean glass. You could barely see it. <br/>On the desk sat yet another giant box. Flat, like a painting, but it radiated light. <br/>And whatever Merlin did had the pictures moving. </p><p>---------------------</p><p>The clicking sounds of whatever he was doing pulled at Arthur´s mind. Forcing him in and out of his thoughts. <br/>So Arthur curled up on the couch, hugging himself within a blanket that lay scattered on the floor in front of him. <br/>Arthur had to think. He had to breath. And he had to consider what to do next. </p><p>Because, hours were passing by now. And despite all that Merlin said about time being irrelevant in here, Arthur couldn´t forget about the knight that was waiting to kill him. <br/>Arthur wasn´t certain that the time thing was real. And he did have to face the knight eventually. But if it was true and he could at least live his life to the end while he was here, then going back now would be wasting his opportunities. He would be shortening his life for no reason other than his fears. </p><p>At some point, Arthur fell asleep. And if he dreamed something – then Arthur didn´t remember what it was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Modern 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wow so - this was jumbled up to the core. And I had like - two scenes playing out differently with Merlin´s friends Brian and Alicia... but i cut those scenes for another time maybe,else I´d have to write another chapter about modern life. <br/>I wanna move on to some history research. Maybe. Depends on what the next episode gives me as an idea. <br/>(I´m planning on working through the show and make Arthur visit different places in different times and slowly fall in love with Merlin. But I´m making things up as I go, so I´m open for suggestions. I hope things won´t get too messy :) )</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur woke up to a clanging sound. Before that, his mind had drifted in and out of sleep, lulling him in the comfort of unconsciousness. <br/>He remembered faintly that someone had put a blanket on him while he slept. Had he fallen asleep during watch on a patrol?<br/>No. Arthur sighed. He had dreamed of such an ominous world. Full of lights and people in strangely nice clothing and -<br/>Arthur opened his eyes as he noticed a figure sneaking passed him. </p><p>“Merlin?”, he asked. Because obviously, if that was his manservant´s new approach of waking him, then they really needed to have a talk. </p><p>“You´re awake.”, Merlin´s voice was strangely calm and soft. It was enough for Arthur to open his eyes. <br/>He sat up immediately. He turned around, eyes and mouth wide open as he realized that this dream he was having – was in fact – not a dream. Couldn´t be if everything still looked so fancy. <br/>Or did he sleep in his dream? Was that a thing? He´d heard of people who were paralyzed in their sleep, unable to wake to the real world. <br/>Or people who´s dreams were so vivid, they mistook them for reality. </p><p>Arthur took a deep breath. There was the messy room. The shelves with the objects of years of time travel. Gifts. From Arthur to Merlin, he reminded himself. <br/>The tall windows which were darkened by something that was behind the glass. No curtains, but blinds. But Arthur didn´t know how one would be able to reach them. Surely you wouldn´t open the entire window for that? That looked impossible. </p><p>What Arthur remembered were wooden doors that opened to the outside. This thing looked different, but probably had the same purpose. </p><p>And then of course, there was Merlin who was currently fiddling with a glass full of what looked like oddly shaped Keys. Merlin who was slightly older than him and amused by his disorientated state. </p><p>“Of course I am. Is it morning already?” It was an honest question. Apparently Merlin hadn´t bothered to open the things behind the glass. </p><p>“Yeah. It´s almost seven. I have a bus to catch. If you want, you could come with me and we´ll eat something at the coffee shop we were in yesterday. How does that sound?”</p><p>Arthur looked at him for a second. Confused, obviously. It was seven? Seven what? What the hell was a bus? Was this Merlin´s profession? Catching busses?</p><p>“Arthur, I don´t have all day. Hurry up, if you don´t take too long, you can still take a shower. I´ll get you something to wear and then we´ll go.”, Merlin rolled his eyes. <br/>Only now did Arthur realize that Merlin wasn´t quite dressed himself yet. His hair was messy, and he wore some loose trousers that still managed to look softer than Arthur´s best shirts. </p><p>“What´s a shower?”, he asked. Merlin blinked, bridging his nose with his hands at the realization that Arthur was clueless in this time. <br/>“Oh, I´m definitely going to be late today.”, he mumbled, shaking his head. “Come on, I´ll show you.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------</p><p>It was embarrassing to see how much Arthur didn´t know. About this world and it´s strange buttons and knobs and all that. It looked like magic and it certainly felt like it. <br/>Despite everything Arthur was taught about magic, he just couldn´t see the harm in the convenience of bathrooms. You could make it rain!!! Indoors!</p><p>Though he had feared Merlin would wait for him to actually try it out, the manservant merely showed him the controls of the shower and the so called toilet and sink and then left him alone. If only to return seconds later with clothes in hand that Arthur didn´t recognize. <br/>(Arthur had been staring at the running water of the sink with amazement. Not that he would admit it out loud.)<br/>Arthur really shouldn´t feel so awkward to be seen naked. Especially not from Merlin. But here he was, awkward. And hesitant to undress.</p><p>“I´m pretty sure I have a different build than you do.”, Arthur commented, a little irritated at the sight of blue jeans and black shirt. </p><p>Merlin shook his head with a smile. “They´re yours. Your other self left only a few months ago. Maybe it was a few years, honestly after living so long I kinda lost track of time. <br/>Anyway. You bought them yourself. Told me they looked like something you wore once. Now that I think about it, maybe you were referring to this. </p><p>He referred to Arthur with a vague gesture. Arthur nodded slowly before accepting the clothes. <br/>After that Merlin left the bathroom to grand Arthur some privacy. </p><p>It didn´t take as long as Arthur´s usual baths and he wasn´t sure if he liked it as much, but he felt a lot cleaner after the shower. <br/>The clothes were surprisingly comfortable. Tighter than what Arthur wore under his chain mail. And it wasn´t hard to figure out that should Arthur ever wear armor, he would definitely not choose jeans as underclothes. Also, it was a bit difficult to dress himself, but he didn´t dare ask Merlin right now.</p><p>Apparently, Merlin would have preferred to be bothered with it. Considering how long it took Arthur to figure things out. He kept looking at some kind of bracelet he had hanging around his wrist. <br/>“Merlin, why are you staring at that thing?”, he asked confused.  Merlin walked passed him to open the window. </p><p>“What?”, Merlin asked and turned around with a confused expression.<br/>“The thing around your wrist.” </p><p>“It´s a watch. It tells the time. - And we´re late.”, Merlin said, pulling Arthur with him by his sleeve. Merlin must have gotten dressed too, because he had his leather jacket on again. And a pair of jeans as well. </p><p>However, when it came to shoes, Merlin´s “Sneakers” looked a lot less inviting then the leather boots that Arthur wore. </p><p>---------------------</p><p>They missed their bus. Thankfully there was a second one who left in the vague same direction. So Merlin paid for both of them and they sat down in the tumbling beast of a carriage. <br/>So that was a bus. Not something Merlin actually needed to catch. It was just an expression. Thank god, he hadn´t asked. </p><p>“Why can´t you drive us?”, Arthur asked instead, already getting sick from the unusual movements. <br/>“I don´t have a license. You do – well your other self. But I will not let you drive in your current - state. So – We´ll take the bus.”</p><p>Arthur almost groaned. Why again was he following Merlin around?</p><p>He was getting tired of this. All he wanted was to go home and just be done with this dream. If it wasn´t for his inevitable death when he woke up, he would have gone back right now. His headache was getting worse and worse. <br/>How did he know how to come and go anyway? It just happened, when he wanted to. But like – when he decided to. Just wanting wasn´t enough.<br/>At least that´s how it worked the first time. The second time ended because that´s where the timeline ended. With Merlin´s death. <br/>Oh well. Way to make his day depressing.</p><p>He was so done with not knowing what what was and where he was and where he went and how to direct himself and – he wished these thoughts would finally stop. God, could Merlin please stop tapping on his magical box?</p><p>“You said you wouldn´t use magic around me.”, Arthur groaned, holding his head. Merlin looked up surprised. “I haven´t.”, he said simply, if a bit confused. <br/>Arthur quietly pointed at the box. Merlin relaxed.<br/>“It´s called a phone. It´s – er – science.”, the Merlin noticed Arthur´s visible discomfort.<br/>If you want, I could use magic to lift your motion sickness.”</p><p>Arthur considered that. If only for a moment. Then he shook his head. <br/>“Are you sure? You usually insist I do.”, Merlin nudged him and Arthur wanted to smack him for that. The movement didn´t help his situation – at all.<br/>However, Merlin only sighed at his expression and held his hand out to Arthur´s head. Arthur tried to evade him, but a second later Merlin´s fingers were glowing just as golden as his eyes and then - <br/>The pain stopped. </p><p>Arthur opened his eyes to look at Merlin. Blinking rapidly in discomfort. Or comfort. Or both. <br/>“What did you do?”, he whispered, not wanting any attention for what just happened. <br/>“I stabilized your brain. So it won´t spin around in your head.”</p><p>“Since when do you know how brains work?”</p><p>I used to be a doctor a few life´s back. And I´d love to continue. But there are only so many life´s you can pretend the doctorate runs in your family.<br/>A doctor is like court physician.”, Merlin added the last part after a short pause, as Arthur looked a little confused at the explanation. <br/>The little “Ah” of understanding came the moment the bus stopped once again and Merlin pulled him out the beast. <br/>But Arthur´s mind was spinning with more important things right now. </p><p>Merlin just used magic. Unmistakably. Merlin had said so. And it had helped him. Only for a short moment. But Arthur didn´t feel compelled to kill anyone. Or hurt anyone. He didn´t feel fuzzy anymore. If anything, he felt more comfortable now. With his headache gone, his mind was cleared.<br/>He thought magic corrupted? He though magic used on people made them murderous, out of their minds!<br/>And the breakfast, which consisted of pancakes and hot chocolate, as Merlin explained, filled his rumbling stomach. Making him feel whole again. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was, indeed, late to class. By fifteen minutes or so. <br/>And he dragged Arthur with him into the room. “Mrs. Johnson is cool. She won´t mind me coming late or bringing a friend.”, Merlin had waved of Arthur´s insistence on staying outside. <br/>He wasn´t sure he wanted to be confronted by the same joking “students” he had met the day before. Especially since they thought Merlin and him were -</p><p>He shot Merlin a last helpless glance, when Merlin opened the door. <br/>It was a different room this time. Larger, bigger. The seats were placed in half circles around a podium. There was a teacher sitting behind a desk. <br/>She was stating names, people randomly confirming their attendance. Yes, that´s something Arthur knew from when he had to figure out which knight was sick. Or to be certain everyone returned safely from the patrols. </p><p>“Merlin. You´re late again?”, the woman barely looked up. She was around forty, with a kind face but stern eyes. Arthur immediately felt the respect that these people had for her. <br/>Nevertheless, that didn´t stop them from chattering quietly. Or playing weird games on their boxes. </p><p>“Sorry, I had something – personal to take care of.”</p><p>“Yes, I can see that. Your boyfriend can stay, but don´t interrupt class, alright?”<br/>Merlin rolled his eyes at that, and people started laughing. Arthur was pretty sure he should be understanding this joke as something like an innuendo or something. <br/>But he refused to acknowledge it. (A.N.:// the word boyfriend hasn´t existed yet in his time. So Arthur wouldn´t know what it means.) <br/> Because, as Merlin said yesterday, what was or wasn´t between them was or wasn´t between them and nobody else had a say in it. </p><p>That didn´t make it any easier to hear the laughter and jokes directed at the both of them. <br/>Arthur felt very much uncomfortable right now. </p><p>Merlin sighed, pulling him towards two empty seats and put out papers and then an even bigger black box than he´d had in the bus. <br/>Arthur sat down reluctantly, folding his hands, as he didn´t know what to do. <br/>Merlin gave him a look, then sighed and reached into his bag once more. He pulled out a book. <br/>It was well read through. <br/>It was old and wittered and Arthur wondered where Merlin had pulled it from. Or did Merlin just always run around with books in his bag?</p><p>“Here. It´s your diary. You tend to write down the essentials of the timelines you´ve been in. You always let me keep it, so your next self can write in it. </p><p>Arthur took the book from him. It was leather bound but small. He flipped through the pages. Since when did Arthur keep a diary?<br/>But yes, that was Arthur´s handwriting. He shot Merlin a look, but Merlin had already put his attention to the teacher who was just starting what looked like a very boring lesson.<br/>So Arthur returned his eyes to the book. That, apparently he had written himself.<br/>Arthur stopped at page 45. Why, he didn´t know. </p><p>Dear past me,</p><p>Arthur read out, in surprise. No, it can´t be. His future self from a previous timeline knew he would read this? He looked up again, but nobody was watching him. Merlin was listening to the teacher talk about politics and stuff that Arthur didn´t quite understand. Though he did understand taxes, he was sure that in his time they worked differently. </p><p>This is page 45. These are the first words you´ll read in this world. I spend a lot of time wondering what I should tell my past self. So I tried to remember what I felt the first time I used the clock.<br/>(By the way, it´s not a Falkon, it´s a Merlin. Obvious, am I right?)</p><p>I know that you´re confused right now. Terrified of the future that Merlin told you about. Your future that is his past. <br/>God this sounds mysterious, just ignore it.</p><p>This life Merlin and I share. It is something unique. It might be a dream. I don´t know. I don´t think I even care anymore. But it means a lot to me.<br/>I lost count on the life´s I´ve spend with him. It all becomes a blur after a while. But I don´t regret a single one. And I´m asking you to continue visiting him through the clock, because I really don´t want to loose any of it. Spend as much time as you can.</p><p>Also, there is no reason for you to be afraid. <br/>You literally have all the time in the world to make out what you want or what you feel. And if you don´t want to make up your mind. That´s okay too. You don´t even have to stay.</p><p>I can assure you that the dark knight is not going to kill you. Not even harm you. You can leave whenever you want. But I suggest you try out this life. See things from a different perspective than what your father told you. <br/>Ask yourself what it is that you actually want and I´ll assure you, you will find it.<br/>At least here, magic is not evil. Merlin certainly isn´t. And I do love him. <br/>All that he is.<br/>And that is all you need to know. <br/>- sincerely Arthur, the sappiest king of Camelot</p><p>“King of Camelot.”, Arthur whispered to himself, ignoring his own side remark. He shot Merlin a look. <br/>His future self wrote this. He knew that much. But that was far in the future, wasn´t it?</p><p>Arthur sighed and leaned back in his seat. What on earth did his future self think writing him this embarrassing letter. Wait, if Merlin had the book, did he read it? Did he know what was written in there?<br/>He almost groaned, loudly. But being wary and very much aware of their audience, he managed to hold back. Instead, he kept flipping through the pages. Knowing fully well that his own mind was always a massive collection of organized mess. <br/>And the book was an easy reminder of that. Arthur´s future self made footnotes that made Arthur have to flip forth and back through the book to connect the dots. </p><p>But Arthur being Arthur, he knew exactly how this book worked. </p><p>It took him the whole two hours at least, to understand what a freaking microwave was and how the bus system worked. Or what kind of magic Merlin did. <br/>Not once did it say Merlin ever did something bad. Not even once. </p><p>There were mentions of fall outs, yes. But none of them ended with Arthur being cursed or killed. The one that made Arthur almost laugh was about how apparently Merlin and him had a fight about the material their wedding rings were made of. <br/>Apparently Merlin had been tired of using gold every time. But Arthur wanted to keep the tradition. Arthur didn´t know how it would end. <br/>But then again, if he did, that might change the future, wouldn´t it?</p><p>Arthur could only shake his head. This book was an enigma. Hard to read and even harder to make sense of. It was random, but written with so much happiness Arthur couldn´t remember ever having in his life. <br/>If that was his future. Maybe it wasn´t so bad. <br/>However. Happiness, as it seemed. Meant falling in love with Merlin. </p><p>But how could he? And that was the question, wasn´t it?<br/>Why love Merlin? Why Merlin?</p><p> </p><p>----------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>The days passed in a blur. And with each day, Arthur felt like he was drifting further away from his initial goal. <br/>Find the sword that kills immortals. </p><p>But Merlin said, his past self was already taking care of it. So – Arthur shouldn´t have to worry so much. That didn´t stop him, of course.<br/>He knew he could stay as long as he wanted and it was fascinating to figure out phones and tv´s and what else Merlin and him did in this time. The back and forth of their discussions and stories however, those were the things that Arthur would like to stay for. </p><p>Merlin kept watching him with amusement. Arthur had been so worried about his future, that he had forgotten, that his and Merlin´s relationship wasn´t based on serious talks. It was mostly bantering.<br/>They bickered all the time and the familiarity of those actions helped Arthur breathe. </p><p>“So, actually, if you´re the once and future king – does that mean you´re jesus?”</p><p>“No Merlin, I´m not Jesus.”</p><p>“But your life was prophesied and your coming back was too and nobody knows when you´ll be back again -”</p><p>“I am NOT jesus.”</p><p>“But you´re destined to be the savior of this land! People know your name, you´re famous.”</p><p>“No, Merlin.”</p><p>“God, you´re no fun, Arthur.”  </p><p>Merlin flipped his fork from where he was eating rice with curry and the food landed in Arthur´s hair. <br/>“MERLIN!”</p><p>Yes – one could almost forget their responsibilities from the past. Their foreshadowed death, war and executions. The later was actually not a part of the system in this world. <br/>What a strange dream. <br/>If this world truly gave him everything he wanted, with hidden messages. Well – his favorite dream achievement would be the bathrooms of course. <br/>But peace ranked very close to that one. And not having to kill anyone – how great would that be.</p><p>When it came to Arthur´s relationship with Merlin – well – they could post pone that thought for a bit longer. And yes, they. Because Arthur kept pestering Merlin with questions about it. <br/>Questions that Merlin didn´t want to answer, simply because:<br/>“You need to figure that out for yourself.”, Merlin just laughed every time. </p><p>But what the hell was he hinting at? Was Merlin even hinting at anything?<br/>Did Merlin even want him to like him? How fucked up was Arthur, that this was the part that bothered him?</p><p>In fact, Merlin wasn´t acting remotely different from what Arthur knew of him in the past.<br/>The only thing that seemed different was with how comfortable Merlin was around him. <br/>He didn´t mind Arthur being close. He didn´t mind the jokes. He didn´t even mind the talks about magic that much. <br/>He was fidgeting a bit, when Arthur asked him how Merlin could choose to be a sorcerer. Then Merlin told him he couldn´t change who he was or how he was born and honestly, Arthur had figured something like this may be the case in this dream.<br/>Other then that, Merlin seemed relieved with how well Arthur took his answer. </p><p>After that, there was nothing Arthur could say that made Merlin awkward. <br/>Not that Arthur ever said anything weird. </p><p>The Merlin Arthur got to know – the manservant – not the student – he was constantly shifty and awkward. Especially when it came to magic. <br/>The student Merlin was calm and collected. He was still clumsy. He was still Merlin in every way. But he seemed – more like himself. <br/>Yes. That´s what it was.</p><p>It should make Arthur calmer too. If Merlin could be himself, then Arthur could be too, right?<br/>Right, except that Arthur was awkward every time Merlin even attempted to use Magic. So Merlin avoided using it. <br/>Or mentioning it. <br/>And Merlin´s weird calmness made Arthur wonder why the Merlin he knew couldn´t be himself. <br/>Well if Merlin truly was born with magic and he lived in the middle of Camelot, then he supposed it made sense.</p><p>It was like it was Arthur´s fault. Or was that just a trick of his mind?<br/>Was his mind trying to make him feel both happy and guilty at the same time? Or was his mind just telling him he had to change his ways?</p><p>That he wanted peace? Wanted magic to be good?<br/>Arthur didn´t know. All he knew was that it made him fidgeting in his seat. </p><p>After two months, Arthur couldn´t wait any longer. </p><p>“Merlin.”, he began one morning, not sure how to approach the subject. </p><p>“Yeah?”, Merlin asked, playing with his food. It was Sunday and they were sitting on the couch in the living room. (The one Arthur insisted to sleep on.)</p><p>“I think I have to go back to my own time.”<br/>Merlin looked up, suddenly sad, but not surprised. “So soon?”, Merlin asked, cleary disappointed. But he was still weirdly calm about it. </p><p>“Yes – I – it´s just. You know this is the first time I´ve been gone for so long from my duties as crown prince. And there is this immortal threat waiting for me and I know I literally got all the time in the world but -<br/>Honestly, it´s eating me up.” Arthur bit his bottom lip.</p><p>Merlin smiled in a weird way that said: yeah, I get it. I still don´t like it. </p><p>“Yes, yes. I know. It´s fine. You´ll return though, won´t you?”<br/>Merlin locked eyes with him. He should know the answer, but he was still making sure. </p><p>Arthur nodded. “Yeah, yes, of course. Just – I don´t know when.”, he said honestly, shrugging with his shoulders. <br/>Merlin nodded and sighed. “Yeah, alright. But erm – can I hug you at least?”</p><p>Arthur blinked in confusion, about to say no. But Merlin looked at him with pleading eyes. <br/>Seriously, did Arthur even know this guy? Like anyone could say no to that. <br/>Why was this easier with the younger Merlin? Shouldn´t it be the other way around?</p><p>“Alright, fine. But just this once.”</p><p>Merlin beamed, before he leaned over to hug Arthur tight into an embrace. Arthur still felt weird about it. But he´s faces worse. <br/>Actually, maybe, if he was at least a little bit honest with himself, he let the hug last at least a second longer than necessary. Then he released Merlin and smiled. </p><p>One moment later, and Arthur was gone. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>When Arthur opened his eyes, and heard the ticking clocks, he felt calmer then before he left. <br/>It was strange though, how he had the pajama on that he had dreamed of. <br/>He shook his head, only slightly irritated.</p><p>But when the door to the clockroom closed shut behind him, he was glad that someone else, maybe an ancestor of his had left their cape in the clockroom. <br/>Because all his things suddenly vanished. </p><p>So, Arthur decided, as he realized he had to run back undetected and – well apart from the cape – naked – the room stole your stuff as soon as you left it. <br/>Good to know. Really good to know. </p><p>And if that was the sole reason why he had forgotten that his father could technically ask to take his place in the upcoming duel and ask Gaius to sleep drug him. <br/>Well then so be it. Arthur had different things on his mind, anyway.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Salem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I used some help for this story (this isn´t accurate, but i used some guides for this chapter)</p><p>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giles_Corey<br/>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salem_witch_trials<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Moment_of_Truth<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Timeline</p><p>Especially the Merlin wiki helped a lot with this chapter :) <br/>I feel like the whole story has gotten very emotional, really. <br/>Anyway, I hope you like it ^^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After all that had happened, Arthur had trouble looking his manservant in the eyes. <br/>Or rather, he couldn´t stop himself from watching him. <br/>As contradicting as it may sound, Arthur had a simple reason for this. One which has been mentioned so many times now, that he was sick of thinking the words. <br/>Never mind actually mentioning them. </p><p>But it implied two possible suggestions. Either the dream wasn´t actually a dream and this was Arthur´s future. Or his subconscious was telling him that he was already in love with his servant. <br/>Which was an absolute ridiculous thought. <br/>Arthur spend more and more time on the training fields. He decided he needed the exercise. Both to calm his mind and to get better. </p><p>He never got to fight the knight. <br/>Uther did. <br/>And Uther had won against it. Which calmed Arthur´s nerves a bit. In his dream, Arthur´s book claimed Arthur himself would not be harmed by the knight, so that much was true. <br/>But the other Merlin had told him a bit about the sword. How it was made. Forged in a dragon´s breath. Like that was even possible. <br/>Also, Arthur never held that sword. And why would Merlin give Excalibur to Uther Pendragon? ESPECIALLY when he had magic?</p><p>So Uther must have had a different sword, he was certain of it. Meaning, something else had defeated magic. And Merlin never had Excalibur. </p><p>Which – as a result – proved his dreams were just that. Dreams. <br/>He sighed in relief. Now that he thought about it. Strange dreams seemed to haunt both him and Morgana. Maybe he should follow her example and consult Gaius about his dreams. <br/>Then again, if he needed a sleeping draft, he didn´t even have to mention them. </p><p>And he didn´t have nightmares. His dream had been strange but – pleasant. <br/>And mentioning the clock room was decidedly not the wisest choice. After all, Uther was convinced it harbored dangerous magic. Then again, the only thing the room seemed to ask of Arthur was to accept magic as a tool for good. Or was that a trick to make him lift the ban on magic?<br/>Arthur was suspicious of all this. </p><p>Surely the room was the work of Cornelius Sigan. Arthur had been looking up the history of Camelot after his little incident. </p><p>And he found out that Camelot itself had been built by a sorcerer who was mad with his attempts to gain immortality. Which, by the way, according to the records, was IMPOSSIBLE. <br/>No way Merlin was immortal. This was all the work of Cornelius Sigan. <br/>So if Arthur just lay low and accepted the dream for what it was – a DREAM!- things would go back to normal soon. <br/>He wasn´t in love with Merlin, thank god. </p><p>“Say Arthur, that new sword of yours – how is it, fighting with such a fine new weapon?”, Arthur was interrupted in his thoughts. He blinked for a second, confused at where he was. <br/>Dinner, Arthur. Dinner. You were eating chicken and potatoes and – you´re drinking wine. Maybe<br/>that´s what had your mind in a twist. </p><p>“Er, sorry father. What were you asking?”<br/>Uther frowned at his response, but kept eating his almost finished meal, before repeating himself. </p><p>“I just asked about your new sword. The one your servant gifted to you. The sword that Tom made. <br/>I used it in the fight against the wraith (the knight), remember? It is a fine sword. Probably his best work.”, Uther explained. <br/>Arthur´s eyes froze at his father, his mouth opened a little, his eyebrows raised. <br/>What the feudal system!</p><p>“Ah yes, that sword.”, he replied, unsure what else to say. Whatever Uther was just talking about, it send Arthur´s mind in circuit yet again. <br/>“It´s – er – it´s a very fine sword. I´ve never had a better one. Which is why i´ve – er – let Merlin lock it. I don´t want it to be worn before I can use it in another important fight. Like the one against the – wraith.”, he ended lamely. Because he just knew Uther would be asking to see it again. <br/>And he really had no excuse as to where it was. </p><p>Uther just nodded and took another sip of his wine. “That servant of yours – he´s quite attached to you, isn´t he.”<br/>Arthur nodded slowly, thinking of another version of Merlin. </p><p>“That is good. Such loyalty is rare. Hard to come by. Servants sometimes end up poisoning one´s food or trying to kill one in one´s sleep. I´m glad yours seems trustworthy enough.<br/>However, don´t you get too fond of him in turn. I fear you might loose sight of your goals if you confide in him too much.”</p><p>Arthur bit his lip. Right – that too.<br/>Wait – was the Merlin of this time even in love with him already? What about this Freya girl?<br/>No no no, Arthur. That was part of the dream. <br/>So was the sword. Arthur sighed. “Don´t worry, father. I won´t. He´s a servant. Nothing more.”</p><p>Uther smiled at that and took another sip from his goblet. </p><p>Arthur went back to his room completely defeated after that. Merlin was already waiting for him, preparing his bath.<br/>And while Arthur wanted nothing more than simply go to sleep, he appreciated the sentiment and decided to use it. </p><p>Arthur really needed to get used to Merlin undressing him again or else someone might get the idea that his servant could make him flustered. And Arthur wouldn´t have that. </p><p> </p><p>---------------------</p><p> </p><p>It took some time for Arthur to learn how to look Merlin in the eyes again. His fathers advise – alright, it had been more of a demand, had actually helped him a little. <br/>Arthur – being destined to love a servant? Preposterous. He was a future king. He couldn´t even afford to be Merlin´s friend. And blaming Sigan helped a lot as well. <br/>But he could rely on Merlin´s loyalty. And trusting him a little, especially after everything he had done for Arthur – hence saving his life multiple times – could be afforded, right?</p><p>And then came the day Kanen attacked Merlin´s village. <br/>Hunith came to town to ask them for help. Causing Merlin to – well – to say goodbye to Arthur. </p><p>“I´m going back to Ealdor.”, Merlin finally spoke up. And hell, Arthur would be lying if he said he didn´t expect this. <br/>Meeting Merlin´s mother made him understand how Merlin could be so brave. Apart from the non existing magic thing, Merlin had displayed that family, friends, all these things concerning feelings were damn important to him. <br/>Of course he would go back to Ealdor to help defend it. No matter how useless he was with a sword. <br/>But there was something in Merlin´s voice that caused Arthur to stop.</p><p>“You´ll be coming back.”, he said. Merlin sounded like he was never going to return. Was Merlin afraid he´d die in Ealdor? Wait – right – that was a possibility. Considering Merlin´s defending skills – Merlin has had a lot of luck in their previous quests, but Arthur had been there to help him. Defend him, protect him. <br/>Now Merlin was going alone to a bunch of farmers who had never been trained to fight. <br/>Jesus Merlin was going to die. </p><p>“Well, she´s my mother. I´ve got to look after her before anyone else. You understand?”<br/>Of course Arthur bloody understood. If his own mother was still alive he´d do the same and more!</p><p>“I´d do exactly the same.” Arthur said quietly, vulnerable as he was. <br/>Wouldn´t this be a good thing? Merlin leaving for Ealdor and Arthur would never have to wonder about his strange dreams again? Spending lifetimes with Merlin?<br/>Nope, over, done with. Never again. Still. <br/>“Well, you´ve been terrible. Really, I mean it. The worst servant I´ve ever had.”<br/>And yet, Arthur´s heart felt heavy when he said this. </p><p>“Thank you Sire.”, Merlin said, grinning a little at Arthur´s antics. They held no malice behind them. In fact, Arthur was slowly feeling worse and worse, the more he thought about the inevitable outcome of this departure. Merlin grinned again, before leaving for the door. <br/>“Merlin. Good luck.”, Arthur stopped him. And he meant it. </p><p>The last smile Merlin gave him made Arthur slump back into his seat. </p><p>What the hell was he doing here? </p><p> </p><p>------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>It´s been a few hours since Merlin left. Arthur was pacing in his room. <br/>Was he really going to sit here, doing nothing, waiting for the events to play out in Ealdor? Who would ever tell him how it ended?<br/>Merlin already told him he wouldn´t return. Which also meant that Arthur would forever be in the dark of Merlin´s fate. </p><p>No, no. Arthur couldn´t just stay here. He could already imagine Morgana leaving too. She as well had started to befriend Merlin. No, not befriend. Arthur wasn´t Merlin´s friend. <br/>Except, Arthur didn´t really know what was between Morgana and Merlin. And Morgana wasn´t hesitant with these terms. Also, he figured Morgana would think she owed Merlin for helping her with Mordred. </p><p>Wait – if Morgana was leaving – and she was Uther´s ward – then it was Arthur´s job to make sure she was safe, right?<br/>Great. Now his mind was making up excuses so he could go after his servant. Excuses for Uther. Arthur wasn´t that blind to his own mind. </p><p>He already had gotten too fond of this boy. His father had warned him. Merlin would be the death of him one day. That day might be nearer than he thought, because if he now went to help the boy in Ealdor -<br/>That battle could be his last. </p><p>Well – at least Uther couldn´t murder him for disobedience then. Arthur groaned at the thought. Great, now his mind made death look inviting. <br/>No. Arthur really had no choice. If he didn´t go to help Merlin now, he would be stuck in a spiral of excuses and regret. </p><p>He stood up, determination slowly overthrowing his doubts. He was doing the right thing. <br/>He had to believe that.</p><p>------------------------</p><p>* major time skip *</p><p>They were in the middle of the fight. Heavily outnumbered. Arthur knew they had already lost too many men and women. The bandits under Kanen´s command were too many, too well trained. The spirit Arthur had inflicted in the Ealdor folk had left himself. <br/>And then there was magic. </p><p>Magic, magic, MAGIC!, Arthur´s mind chanted, fear overwhelming him. He braced himself for the tornado to turn against them. But it never did. All he knew was, he saw Merlin and Will, Merlin´s best friend stand before the spectacle. <br/>One of them must have casted the spell. And Merlin had his hand raised...</p><p>Arthur didn´t have the time to ponder right now, as his attention was now fixed on killing Kanen. <br/>A small fight, Arthur running the man through, and his mind was free to scream and shout. <br/>Because his mind was screaming with fear. <br/>Merlin couldn´t be a sorcerer. He wasn´t allowed to be. The future he had seen wasn´t allowed to happen. </p><p>Because that meant Merlin was condemned to an eternal lifetime of waiting for Arthur. Only to one day be killed by Arthur himself. <br/>And it meant Arthur would die young. Too young. Please, whatever it takes, let the sorcerer not be Merlin. </p><p>“Who did that!”, Arthur shouted at them. His inner panic only visible through his voice. </p><p>“What?”, Oh no, no no. Merlin looked scared. </p><p>“Wind like that doesn´t just appear from nowhere. I know magic when I see it. One of you made it happen.”, Arthur said, pointing from one to the other. <br/>“Arthur-”, Merlin began and Arthur was scared. Earlier that day, Merlin had tried to tell him something. And in that moment, Arthur had been less panicked about the possibility of Merlin having magic. He might have been okay with the confession. <br/>Simply, because in that moment he remembered how Merlin´s future version had healed his headache with magic. </p><p>If Merlin could use his magic to heal wounds, then Arthur could have been fine with it. Maybe, possibly. At least he had believed he could. </p><p>Now, he had seen magic used to kill some of the bandits. Easily, with the wave of a hand. <br/>No. Merlin wouldn´t!<br/>Arthur was scared. Was his servant really a murderer? Was he such a powerful sorcerer that killing came as easy to him as breathing?!</p><p>And then, in that moment of conflict, of struggle, Will – the man who had claimed to hate Arthur - threw himself at the prince, shouting “Look out!”<br/>Saving him from Kanen, who Arthur had believed to be dead. </p><p>“You just saved my life.”<br/>“Yeah, I don´t know what I was thinking.”, Will, impaled, laughed at Arthur´s ridiculous expression. </p><p>“Come on! Get him inside!”, Arthur yelled. Not ready to see Merlin as devastated as he would be.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------</p><p> </p><p>Will died, confessing that he was a sorcerer. <br/>Arthur wasn´t sure why that didn´t help him feel better. Oh yeah. Right. Because here was a sorcerer who had saved his life instead of trying to take it. Even though it was clear that he, indeed, could have. </p><p>Now they were standing in front of the Pyre. Where the corpses of the fallen burned. Will being one of them. Hmm. <br/>Ironic. If Will hadn´t died by Kanen´s hand, Arthur would have been forced to condemn him to a pyre too. Or could he have avoided it, because this was Cendred´s kingdom?<br/>Technically, Arthur had no power here. </p><p>It was Merlin who brought Arthur back to reality. Merlin who looked broken and devastated about his friends death. <br/>This was probably the first time he ever saw someone die, Arthur realized. </p><p>“I´m sorry. I know he was a close friend.”, Arthur said quietly. Trying not to disturb the sad atmosphere. <br/>“He still is.” Arthur could only wonder what that meant. Will was dead. Or was Merlin trying to hint at the fact that Will was a sorcerer. And that despite of his – was corruption the right word? - he was still the same person. Arthur wasn´t too sure about that. <br/>Will had been hostile in front of him the entire time. Until his last moment of course. </p><p>“You knew he was a sorcerer, didn´t you? That´s what you were going to tell me?”<br/>Arthur was certain, Merlin wouldn´t lie. Not in a moment like this. And Arthur hoped so intensely that he was right. </p><p>“Yes. It was.”, Merlin lied. But Arthur was too focused on his hoped and fears to see it. <br/>He must make sure that Merlin wouldn´t turn to magic now. And that he wouldn´t lie again. </p><p>“You know how dangerous magic is. You shouldn´t´ve kept this from me, Merlin.”<br/>With that he left. Because if this Merlin, just like his dream future self, truly WAS born with magic, he would turn around and shout at him for being so irresponsible and ignorant. <br/>Right?</p><p>But Merlin didn´t. He just stood where he was, looking like a kicked puppy. <br/>That should be answer enough, right? Merlin wasn´t born with magic. <br/>Except, this didn´t reassure Arthur at all. </p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>They finally returned home. None of them happy, exactly. Plus, Arthur had told his father he was on a hunt, so they returned even later than Morgana and Gwen. <br/>Merlin had been awfully quiet the entire time. He hadn´t even been clumsy enough to disrupt Arthur´s attempts at shooting a stag. <br/>Which made Arthur suspicious that maybe Merlin did that on purpose. Not this time. </p><p>If Merlin was a sorcerer, Arthur thought, then would he protect animals from hunters?<br/>Maybe. If Merlin was a sorcerer, wouldn´t he be mad at Arthur for everything that had happened in Ealdor? Maybe he was. <br/>But then, wouldn´t Merlin now have the perfect opportunity to kill Arthur for his words at the Pyre? <br/>Arthur wasn´t completely stupid. He knew what he had said was hurtful. He had done it on purpose.</p><p>He didn´t know much about Merlin´s true relation to magic. But he knew Merlin. And Merlin spoke up  when something bothered him. </p><p>Especially when Arthur nagged him or insulted him. Even more so, when it concerned someone else. </p><p>So, if Merlin was truly a sorcerer. Now was his chance to get rid of Arthur. Now he had more than enough reason to. But Will had been the sorcerer. And Merlin didn´t even attempt at hurting Arthur. He didn´t even look at him – mad or something.<br/>Just hurt. And maybe Arthur understood that part as well. Because Will had been Merlin´s friend. <br/>Obviously he wouldn´t want to believe Will had been evil. <br/>Or doing anything close to evil. </p><p>God, what had Arthur done? Merlin was grieving his friend and Arthur had just – Urgh, he didn´t want to think about it.</p><p>He wished, sorcery wouldn´t exist, so he wouldn´t have to. He just wished, someone or something would just – take out all the magic in the world. So the world would just be free of all this madness. <br/>No magic – no problem, right?</p><p>Arthur decided to visit the clock room. To visit the future – once again.<br/>Maybe, now his dream would be different.</p><p>------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Province of Massachusetts Bay -<br/>20th of March 1692<br/>Salem</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stepped out into a field. A crowd of people gathered around a podium. The weather was stormy. Leafs were rattling and chatter and screams were carried far into wind.</p><p>Arthur stopped in the middle of searching for Merlin. <br/>Because, as the crowd didn´t notice him, he could still see the podium from where he stood. And he knew immediately what this was. He couldn´t be far in the future now, could he? At least not, when executions still held place in Camelot. Executions for witchcraft. This looked just like at home. With Uther as king. So – nothing really changed, did it?</p><p>“These three witches have been found guilty of practicing witchcraft! What do you plead : Martha Corey, Mary Warren, Abigail Hobbs, Bridget Bishop!</p><p>Arthur gaped at the scene. This was the trial? Who was this man that he claimed he had the authority to judge these women. Was he the new king? <br/>Wait, was he even in Camelot? Last time him and Merlin had been in London. Which wasn´t where Camelot used to be. </p><p>Never mind that – Arthur had hoped coming here would show him how magic would be erased from the world. Was this it? Was this that moment?! The last witches killed and hung?</p><p>He sneaked himself passed these people who wore – clothes he was far more used to then the jeans he wore in his last dream.<br/>Arthur was glad his casual outfit fitted into the crowd for once. </p><p>“I´m innocent!”, one of the women pleaded, fear in her bloodshot eyes. They all looked sleep deprived, starved and hurt. She was crying. </p><p>“Giles! She is your wife! Say something!”, there he was. Merlin. Arthur was kind of glad to hear him. </p><p>Merlin wore – let´s just say – hideous clothes. He wore a long black coat over other rags that Arthur didn´t recognize. And a hat. Merlin hated hats. <br/>Arthur sighed in relief. For a second he had feared to see Merlin judged for witchcraft. <br/>If Merlin had not been condemned to death that meant this time he wasn´t a sorcerer, right?<br/>Surely. He mustn´t be. That´s why they weren´t far in the future either, right?</p><p>“Merlin, she was accused of witchcraft. And she was found guilty. So she must be.”, an old man said with upmost certainty.</p><p>“No, she´s not! Giles, please listen to me.”</p><p>“Merlin, you´re still wet behind the ears. I am 80 years old. I have seen things you couldn´t even comprehend.”</p><p>“You´d be surprised!”, Merlin looked angry, at best. Arthur hid himself behind a commoner who gave him weird looks. </p><p>What was that supposed to mean? What was Merlin talking about? Hmm – Merlin looked around twenty now. So, about as old as Arthur was. <br/>So – three years or so from his time perhaps? That´s where they were? Then again, Arthur´s future should hold more time. If this was Merlin after Arthur´s death, then he should be around thirty. But he wasn´t. <br/>Which meant that – well – what did it mean? Was Merlin really older than that old man?</p><p>“Whatever. If she was found guilty, then she must die.”, Giles said. Arthur nodded. That couldn´t be easy. The woman about to be hanged was his own wife. <br/>He was sacrificing her for the better of their village. What a good man he was. Brave. Arthur wasn´t sure he could do the same.  </p><p>“Martha Corey, you will be hanged.”, Arthur finally heard the man on the podium speak. Who the hell was that anyway?</p><p>One by one, they went on like this, one woman hanged after the other. Arthur hated seeing this. But he knew, against witchcraft there was no other way. They had to die.</p><p>Until it was Abigail Hobbs turn. <br/>“You all are so blind to this system.”, she whispered exasperated. “Don´t you see we are innocent! We have NEVER practiced sorcery in our life! None of us! <br/>You want to know who the real culprit is?!”, she said, madness lacing her words as she pointed her fire lit eyes at Giles himself. </p><p>“YOU! Giles Corey! You let your wife burn for your sins!”, the dead woman next to her wove in the wind, her neck broken, just like the life she had just given. <br/>“You are a wizard! You have enchanted us all! You deserve to die.”</p><p>“no, not again.”, Arthur heard Merlin whisper. Again? Again what? Wait a second, there was something really wrong here.</p><p>“You are mad, woman! I am not a wizard!”, the old man almost shouted, incredulous. Arthur took it back. This man had no honor. The woman was dying. Just let her talk. Nobody believes in liars anyway, right?</p><p>“Seize him.”, the man in front said and Abigail Hobbs smiled, before the executioner pulled the lever. A crack, a missing scream, and soon she as well was dead. </p><p>Arthur´s eyes widened in shock. But that woman had just accused this men as a wizard! They needed her testimony for the trial, didn´t they? Not to mention how obvious it was that she just wanted this old man dead! What the hell was going on?</p><p>While Giles Corey was arrested, against his will, without any proof of what he had done, without even knowing what he had done, Arthur approached his servant. <br/>“Merlin? What is happening here?”, he asked, and Merlin almost screamed as he turned around and -</p><p>If Arthur had expected Merlin to be happy to see him, he was wrong. And maybe a little disappointed. He had thought Merlin was waiting for him – always?</p><p>Merlin looked at him with fear in his eyes. “Oh no no no – Arthur not NOW! Do you have any idea, where we are!”, he hissed, and dragged Arthur out of the curious crowd. <br/>He ignored the looks they received from other witnesses. <br/>Merlin didn´t listen to Arthur´s complains as he pulled him into a hut far – far from the executioner. </p><p>Merlin slammed the door shut behind them. Pacing the room in anger and fear and -<br/>“Arthur, really. Sometimes you´ve just got the WORST timing when it comes to be resurrected from the dead.”</p><p>“I didn´t die.”, Arthur frowned, confused. <br/>Merlin shot him a glance. “Yeah right.” <br/>He stopped, growing increasingly pale. “Wait, are you serious?”, Merlin asked. As if it was unnatural that Arthur hadn´t died at least once before. <br/>“No, this is not good. This is even WORSE!”, Merlin screamed with madness. Geez, thanks for that. </p><p>“Do you even know what´s happening outside!”, Merlin finally asked, causing Arthur to flinch at the harsh tone. </p><p>“I would say, there are witches being hanged. You forget that I see that all the time.”, Arthur said, crossing his arms. Did Merlin think him too weak to be witness to executions?<br/>“I´m not afraid of sorcerers, Merlin.”</p><p>“Arthur, these people are innocent! They are not even witches!Not a single one of them.”<br/>Merlin huffed, almost cried as he said this, letting himself fall on a bed made of straw.<br/>Alright, what? Merlin made it sound like magic was Not a crime.  </p><p>“Merlin, that doesn´t make sense. They were accused, the were judged. Of course they are.”, Arthur said confused.<br/>“Aren´t they?”, he asked. Wondering if maybe now, Merlin would have the decency to explain to him exactly, how a sorcerer was NOT evil. What excuse had Arthur´s subconscious to give?</p><p>“No, they´re not!”, Merlin hid his face in his hands.<br/>“Shit.”, he added quietly.  “it´s like Uther all over again.”</p><p>“What´s wrong with my fathers trials?”, Arthur asked in a warning. Merlin´s hands fell down on the bed. As realization hit the servant.<br/>“Did you just -”, Merlin – for the first time, sat up once more to really look at Arthur. <br/>“Shit, Arthur. Just how young are you this time?”, he asked.</p><p>I don´t know? How young am I usually?”, Arthur retorted. Seriously, Merlin still looked younger than him. But Arthur knew what Merlin must be referring to. <br/>“This is the forth time.”, he finally said, shifting nervously in his position. </p><p>Merlin stared at him. “You – forth? The FORTH time? Oh god. Even better.”, Merlin hid himself again. </p><p>“Just – Merlin calm down. I just want to know what these witches did, alright? Why where they hanged?”, Arthur asked, reasonably. </p><p>“Because some foolish woman started blaming other girls for a disease they had nothing to do with. And Giles is no different. He´s just too foolish to see what´s going on. I´m so sick of these people. So sick of people who try to tell me that magic is evil. Can you believe it? Even you should know that burning witches without a proper trial is unjust.”</p><p>Arthur stared. Really stared, because – no. It can´t be. No proper trial?<br/>“Merlin, have they ever accused you of – you know?”, he asked instead, afraid of the answer, but Merlin shook his head. <br/>“No. Not this time. Not yet at least. And I doubt they will. Because none of them know what real magic is. Well – I guess if they tried that would be quite the show.”<br/>Merlin looked disgusted by their actions. Oh god, that settled it. Merlin really was a sorcerer. Even now. The implication of his immortality was there again. Nice. Totally. </p><p>Arthur had been a fool to hope otherwise. “Well, you are a good person, they wouldn´t hang you.”<br/>God, why did he say that?</p><p>Merlin stared at the ceiling now. “Seriously, Arthur. You really think kindness would get anyone out of this situation? Did your father ever excuse a sorcerer because they were nice?<br/>You should leave. Before they condemn YOU to death for appearing here all of a sudden. People don´t just appear out of nowhere. They might think you´re the devil or something. And I really don´t want to see YOU hanged.”</p><p>Well – there was Gaius for starters. But Merlin was upset, so he wouldn´t see sense.  <br/>“I´m not a sorcerer, they wouldn´t -”, Arthur pointed. </p><p>“Arthur, didn´t you listen?! These people don´t care if you have magic or not. They don´t even believe in magic but witchcraft! Which is NOT the same thing, by the way. <br/>They think witches dance with the devil and are to blame for everything bad that´s happening here. They don´t know it´s just that the soil here is bitter. <br/>It doesn´t matter who is condemned to death. They all are. And then, on the pyre, of whatever they will be killed with, they are forced to accuse other witches. Because surely they aren´t the only ones. And when people are under pressure, about to be killed, they just say the names that come in mind first.  </p><p>It´s a circle, with NO end. Giles is no innocent man. But he can´t even differentiate between edible and toxic mushrooms! He doesn´t know the basics about magic, how could he be an evil sorcerer?”</p><p>Arthur gulped. He rarely ever saw Merlin this upset. <br/>“Well – maybe the judges were enchanted?”, he tried weakly, but the look Merlin send him could have murderer an army. </p><p>“Arthur.”, he took a deep breath. “I love you, I really do. And I understand that you´re still new to all this – since this is the forth, for fucks sake, the forth time you came back. But I have seen too many innocent people hanged or burned to deal with your blindness right now.”</p><p>“Merlin. It´s magic. Magic does corrupt. You know it can.” Arthur tried to remind him, but the “I love you” had him choking. <br/>It can. He said that on purpose. Because Arthur knew power could too. And if Merlin was a sorcerer again, in this world magic could be good, too. That was the entire point of these dreams, right? To show him that magic was innocent. Maybe that´s why the witches were innocent. Oh heck, they probably were innocent. Innocent people were burning at the stake!<br/>God what the hell was this dream going to show him next?</p><p>“It´s not magic that corrupts, Arthur.”, Merlin said, tired, oh so tired of this conversation. </p><p>Arthur raised an eyebrow. Yes yes, of course dream Merlin would say that. <br/>Merlin groaned. “Arthur, really? I AM magic itself. I´m as much a magical creature as the questing beast or the unicorn or -”</p><p>Arthur frowned. “The what now?”<br/>Merlin paled. “Holy shit, you´re THAT young? Okay, fine. We´re done with this conversation. I´m tired.”</p><p>With that, Merlin simply turned onto his side, curling up into himself. </p><p>Arthur blinked, staring at Merlin´s form. What the hell had that been about? What was a questing beast?<br/>“Say – er, Merlin. How far into the future am I again?”, he asked, because he really needed to determine how many of his other friends might still be alive. </p><p>“I don´t know. Lost track. Might be – er – a thousand years or so. Plus minus one or two hundred years.”, Merlin said with a muffled voice. Making it very clear he was too depressed to talk. </p><p>After that, silence fell upon them. And Arthur slumped down onto a chair near a chimney. <br/>How could that be? He had seen the future. Year two thousand something had been – extremely different. Cars, planes, trains, phones, houses, apartments, all that stuff only mad people would dare dream of. <br/>So much it looked like magic itself. </p><p>And here he was, four hundred years earlier, and it´s like nothing was different then from his own timeline. The same executions, the same crowds, the same killing methods, the same mindset. </p><p>Arthur sat on the chair for a while, until Merlin´s breathing calmed and his shoulders relaxed. <br/>Just how much death had Merlin seen, while Arthur was gone?<br/>His subconscious really liked to hurt Merlin, didn´t it?</p><p>Arthur sighed, before standing up and looking around the room. <br/>It was a one room hut. There was a bed and a chimney in the same place that the kitchen table resided in. <br/>But there were also some of the gifts that Arthur remembered seeing in older 2020 Merlin´s apartment. </p><p>But Arthur was thinking about what Merlin had just said. <br/>Merlin was magic itself. That´s what he had said. A magical creature. Arthur had seen and fought magical creatures. <br/>For fucks sake, he was scared of Dragons because one would kill him! He had fought the Griffin and lost pathetically. If it wasn´t for Lancelot, Arthur might as well be dead today. </p><p>So, when Arthur wished to see the end of magic - <br/>Now his mind is asking him to kill Merlin? Arthur paled, before he shot Merlin a last look and left out the door. </p><p> </p><p>-----------</p><p> </p><p>“I´d like to speak to Giles Corey.”, Arthur said to one of the men that were guarding a cell. <br/>It had been hard to figure out where he had to go. But a friendly woman had showed him where he had to go. Navigating through Salem, that´s what this town was called, wasn´t easy for Arthur. <br/>As the huts were so close to each other it was hard to avoid people. <br/>And Arthur desperately wanted to avoid running into any sorcerers. Weird. In 2020 he had been calmer about the whole aspect of magic. Then again – those people had invented bathrooms. </p><p>This world had diseases and murderer.</p><p>“For what reason?”, the man, a farmer with a sword said. “He is a wizard. He could enchant you.”<br/>Arthur sighed. “My name is Arthur Corey.”, he lied. “I´m his great grandson. I came here to visit. I just want to know why he did what he did. ”</p><p>That left the question just what it exactly was Giles Corey had done, but Arthur ignored that part for the lie. </p><p>The farmer looked at him suspiciously. But let him in anyway. </p><p>Arthur thanked him, before entering the cell, where a devastated old man shot him a confused look. <br/>“Who the hell are you? You´re not from Salem.”, he said and Arthur really hoped that the guard hadn´t heard that. </p><p>“I´m a – friend of Merlin. He asked me to speak to you.”, wow Arthur was good at lying. <br/>The old man choked a laugh. “The physician? That idiot of a boy? That boy has no friends. And I´ve never seen you before.”</p><p>Arthur frowned. The physician? “He told you your wife was innocent and you let her die.” Not fair. Arthur had been sure they were guilty too. But Arthur didn´t know the situation of this town. He just got here. This man should. </p><p>Giles pressed his lips into a thin line. “I´m sorry, boy. I did believe our system was faultless until this morning, when I was accused myself. I would know if I had magic or not, wouldn´t I? How could I have been certain about Martha?”<br/>He looked sad about that. Regretful. Ashamed. Arthur noticed with a start that there were tear stains dried on the old man´s cheeks. </p><p>So the man did have a conscience after all. </p><p>“You haven´t answered my question. Why are you here?”</p><p>Arthur blinked. Sighing as he realized that he didn´t really know why. <br/>He shrugged, uncertainly. “I just -”</p><p>“You wanted to see me loath in self pity, like everyone else, don´t you?<br/>I have been here for less than a day, boy. And I tell you, I have realized a few things. <br/>1. Nobody sympathizes with a witch. <br/>2. As soon as you are accused, nobody will listen. <br/>I have talked to the guards, to the leaders of this town. Nobody did. They all just tell me to accept my fate.<br/>3. They´ll find witnesses against you, even though you´re innocent. Abigail Hobb´s sister is already going to court against me next month. <br/>4. You´ll only see the truth, as soon as you are the accused. <br/>I am doomed, boy.”</p><p>Arthur stared at him in silence. “What if – what if I got you out of here?”, he asked, nervously looking left and right. <br/>Because he did believe what this man was saying. Simply because it aligned with what Merlin had said. And because Arthur was torn between his true believes about magic and the ground rules that made up his dreams. </p><p>The old man laughed bitterly. “Please, boy. I am 80 years old. If you help me escape, they will kill you instead. And they won´t have the “mercy” of prison for you. <br/>They will kill you immediately and without hesitation. I´m not going to let you die for me.”<br/>Then the old man smiled. <br/>“But I´m glad at least some of these blokes sees sense. Like Merlin does. He is a better man than what I give him credit for.”, Giles sighed, and leaned his head back against the stone wall. <br/>His white beard contrasting the dark material greatly. </p><p>Arthur nodded bitterly. “Yeah, he is.”, he whispered to himself. Was Arthur giving Merlin enough credit?<br/>Okay, maybe now he was thinking too hard into this. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur kept his distance from Merlin for the next month or so. Merlin allowed him to live with him. He even gave him the bed. But Arthur denied it. <br/>He´d rather sleep on the floor. </p><p>They barely talked. Mostly because Merlin was too scared to be overheard by someone. <br/>Merlin was depressed. I barely ate, he barely talked, he barely slept. Or slept too much at once. <br/>Here and there someone asked for his help as a physician. And yes, Merlin was a very skilled physician. When again did that happen?</p><p>Apparently, Arthur´s state of unknowing set him off even more. He didn´t bicker with Arthur. He was just snappy, uneasy and unhappy. <br/>“Merlin, please. Today is the trial. Could you please – talk to me?”, Arthur finally asked. Despite Merlin´s wish for him to leave, Arthur had stayed after all. </p><p>“What. So you can tell me what kind of monster I am?”, Merlin retorted. And Arthur wondered just how many times Merlin must have seen people be hanged for witchcraft, when Merlin was – in his own words – magic itself?</p><p>Arthur didn´t dare talk back. And Merlin seemed to take that kind of answer to heart. </p><p>The trial, as it turned out. Was actually no trial at all. Not really at least. <br/>Some people spoke up against Giles, but Gile´s refused to plead. He didn´t say he was guilty, but he also didn´t say he wasn´t. And Arthur wondered what good that would do him. <br/>Apparently, it did him a lot of good. Because he was condemned to prison, until the court would hold place again in September of the same year. </p><p>Arthur decided that would be how long he was going to stay. Until after the old man would be spoken free. <br/>Because he had to be. He was innocent. And Arthur wanted to believe in righteousness. </p><p>They returned to the hut in absolute silence. And Merlin dropped down on the bed again. <br/>Exhausted from the long trial, where the judges tried nothing but make Giles talk. <br/>“Do you think all this could stop, if I just offered myself up?”, Merlin asked, finally, after Arthur sat down on the ground beside the chimney. </p><p>This was the first time Merlin had talked since they left. It startled Arthur so much, his sleeve almost caught fire. <br/>“What are you talking about?”, Arthur asked, eyes wide suddenly. Was Merlin saying what Arthur thought he was saying?</p><p>“I mean – I am magic itself. When I tell him I am the last of my kind, surely the unnecessary murder will stop, right?”, he asked, pleaded to Arthur. <br/>But Arthur only stared at Merlin´s tortured form. </p><p>“Just – what makes you say that?!”, Arthur didn´t want to hear this, but Merlin looked devastated. <br/>And here Arthur had thought their time together would always be filled with happiness and easy outcomes.  He had thought in between his own and Merlin´s death there would be lifetimes of fun and all that. The year 2020 surely had him fooled.</p><p>Merlin sighed, before he stood up, took his blanket and set down next to Arthur. <br/>“I – I´m sorry Arthur. I know all this is difficult for you. And I´ve been – distant lately. It´s just -”<br/>He closed his eyes, tears dwelling in his eyes. Arthur tilted his head to the side. <br/>Merlin must have been struggling for longer than a month, when he looked this broken. </p><p>“The older I get – the stronger my magic gets.”, he started, and Arthur wondered where this was going. He still fidgeted at the simple mention of magic, but Merlin only send him a sigh at the reaction. <br/>“Everything magic dies after some time. The more powerful they are, the longer they live. But whenever an immortal creature dies, their magic flows right to me. <br/>I can feel them dying, Arthur. I can feel every single one of them. Where they are, how old they are. It took some time to figure that out, but it happens. <br/>And a few years back – right after you left last time -”, Merlin looked defeated. </p><p>“I feel when they die, Arthur. And a few years back, Aithusa died. She was the last dragon and – some bandits had her injured and drowned and – I had no choice, Arthur. I had to kill her. <br/>She was like a daughter to me. She was to you too, but the you know doesn´t even know her and – I just – I needed to talk to you so bad and now I can´t.”<br/>Merlin cried. He cried so bitterly, Arthur forgot who he was to him. </p><p>Arthur could hear it in Merlin´s voice. The love he must have held for that – dragon – as scary as it sounded. Merlin had loved the creature. As he loved every creature of magic. <br/>Oh hell, Merlin had told him he was a creature of magic himself. Merlin was now the last of his kind. </p><p>The prince paled. Merlin was all alone. He was immortal and he had seen his friend die and now he was the last of his kind. And all around him people who were even accused of being like him were killed without any sense of reason. <br/>No wonder he was depressed. <br/>Arthur bit back his own pride, as he scorched over to Merlin. Hesitantly, he held an arm out. And just like last time, Merlin wasted no time to think as he clenched his fists into Arthur´s shirt. <br/>He wasn´t even sobbing, as though he was still holding back for Arthur´s sake. </p><p>If Merlin died now, that really meant the end of magic, Arthur realized. And the thought itself plagued him, as he searched for words to say to Merlin. <br/>How do you comfort people again? Arthur didn´t know. He had never been comforted before. <br/>Not that he didn´t need it. He just – hadn´t been. </p><p>“I´m so sorry.”, he said for a lack of a better idea. Any idea, really. </p><p>“It´s not your fault.”, Merlin said, his warmth embracing Arthur even more than the fire next to them did. <br/>What a weird sight they must be. Two boys sitting in a hut on the ground, when there were chairs and beds to sit on. </p><p>“It feels like it is.”, Arthur said quietly and Merlin sat up again to look at him. He was so close, Arthur could see the flames reflected in his eyes.<br/>He felt his heart rate pace up as he remembered their shared destiny. And he could sense Merlin waiting for something. <br/>But – Arthur decided – this was neither the time nor the place to break that wall he had build up for himself. </p><p>You will fall in love with him. <br/>Don´t get too close to him. <br/>Figure yourself out first. </p><p>Arthur closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Merlin´s. Because it felt like the right decision. <br/>And it made Merlin smile into a sob that now did escape his lips. </p><p>“It really isn´t.”, Merlin said, voice shaky. “It´s not yours either.”, Arthur said. But really he wanted to say that Merlin was allowed to feel that way. At least in front of Arthur, it was okay. <br/>Arthur realized with a start, that he wanted Merlin to confide in him for such things. <br/>He just wanted Merlin to be honest. That was all. Just for Merlin to be himself. Maybe then he would be able to accept their – friendship. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Another few month´s passed. And Arthur had to learn how to be a physicians apprentice. He decided that maybe it would help him in his world, when his knights hurt themselves. And someone had to clean the wounds. <br/>Merlin didn´t allow him to do more than that. But Arthur saw that Merlin was thankful for every attempt to help. <br/>He was happy, even. Arthur saw him smile that crooked smile more and more often. It was still hidden behind a layer of secrets. <br/>Arthur found himself wondering how a real honest Merlin would be around him. One who would use his magic for good. For all of them. </p><p>Would he smile more? When would Merlin finally truly be able to be himself?</p><p>Maybe Arthur would see it one day. When he kept visiting Merlin in multiple timelines. <br/>Weird. One talk with Merlin about magic and suddenly, it wasn´t so evil anymore. </p><p>If Merlin was magic – then magic was the damn purest thing in the whole world. <br/>Even if this world was fake. Maybe that´s why this dream chose Merlin as a personification for magic. <br/>Arthur could never kill him. Never wish for his end.<br/>Even though it had been his wish to see the end of magic. How foolish Arthur´s wish had been. </p><p>Soon, the 9th September came and another trial was held for Giles Corey. <br/>Whom Merlin and him visited from time to time. Merlin to check on the wounds inflicted to him by torture. Merlin had “volunteered” to do this. <br/>Nobody else dared to get too close to the man. </p><p>Arthur wondered, how a sorcerer could even be imprisoned. Couldn´t they just – teleport themselves out of the cells or something?<br/>Then again, they never did in Camelot either. In the real world that is. </p><p>This time, the court held place in the church of the town. And Giles Corey, was yet again asked to plead. <br/>One more, Giles Corey denied to plead. Arthur bit his lip. Denying the plead was about as fruitful as any other decision he could make. <br/>The sentence however, the sentence struck Arthur like a lighting bolt. </p><p>Shortly after Nelli Hobbs, Abigail gave her statement: </p><p>“I saw the apparition of Giles Corey come and afflict me urging me to write in his book and so he continued most dreadfully to hurt me by times beating me and almost breaking my back till the day of his examination being the 19th April [1692] and then also during the time of his examination he did afflict and torture me most grievously and also several times since urging me vehemently to write in his book and I verily believe in my heart that Giles Corey is a dreadful wizard for since he had been in prison he or his appearance has come and most grievously tormented me. “<br/>   (- Quote: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giles_Corey )</p><p>Arthur had realized once again, how unjust this system was. What she said sounded believable, but for everything he believed in, he had never heard such superstition in his entire life. <br/>Though he feared that some of his fathers trials did sound similar to this. </p><p>“A person who does not plead -”, the man in the court said vehemently, “can not be tried.”</p><p>Arthur blinked. What? He looked at Merlin in utter confusion. What on earth was that supposed to mean? His distraction kept him from hearing anything but the words<br/>“- peine forte et dure”. </p><p>Merlin looked like he was about to cry again, as Corey was put back in prison.<br/>“What? What does that mean? What will happen to him? Is he free now?”<br/>Merlin shot him a pained expression. Arthur knew not to expect an answer. But he couldn´t help but watch Merlin more closely. Scared the boy was going to get some stupid idea, like going to get himself hanged or something. </p><p>It was the 17th of September, when Arthur finally learned what the result of that court had been. <br/>Giles Corey was handed over to the so called Sheriff of the town. The Sheriff, George Corwin, ordered Corey to be stripped naked to the point that society allowed and put a board unto him. Then, bit by bit, rocks were put onto his body. </p><p>Arthur stared at it with wide eyes, watching as Corey groaned under the weight of the rocks. <br/>Corwin asked him to plead multiple times.<br/>Both that day. And the next. And the one after that. Each time Arthur heard this, Corey just muttered: “more weight”. And therefore, more and more rocks were put onto him. </p><p>One time, the Sheriff stood upon the board himself. <br/>But Corey stood silent. Not pleading, even as Merlin advised him to. <br/>“Boy, I am not afraid of death. But I want my sons to keep what little I can leave them. I won´t plead.”, was what he said, as Merlin bit back his tears.</p><p>Arthur watched in horror, as on the last day, Corey´s body - sweaty and bruised from all the mass on his body, finally gave out. And the life left him.<br/>And as he wished, his possessions went to his children. </p><p>Arthur felt – relieved. As though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders as it was finally over. Pun not intended. </p><p>Silently, they left back to the hut. And stared into the fire of the chimney. Arthur found himself clinging to Merlin, this time. He had seen people die before. As prince, he was able to help them. <br/>Here he was but a shadow – a ghost. <br/>A simple peasant. And this was his dream. A cruel one. Should he have done something? Could he have done something?<br/>Did it even matter if he had? But he was so scared, because this was no better than slaughter. This was worse. This was mindless torture. </p><p> </p><p>---------------</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks later, there was another witch trial already. And when Arthur saw the child before the hanging tree, he feared for the worst. He had believed it was over. <br/>And then, the mother of the child screamed at them all. The child had died of a disease, broken down in front of the whole town. Dead.</p><p>And the mother was screaming from madness. Before finally, she turned to Merlin, finger pointed at the startled man. <br/>“It was you! Merlin! You! I asked you to see to her, but you refused. You killed her! You did this! YOU are a wizard!”, she screamed. Arthur paled two shades whiter. <br/>NO. No. This was a joke, wasn´t it?</p><p>“Mrs. Clark. I´m sorry, I – The entire town was sick.” <br/>That much was true. Arthur had even struck from a fever himself, only a few weeks ago. <br/>“I couldn´t tend to her, I didn´t have the time.”</p><p>“And yet, you never get sick yourself!”, she said truthfully. “You don´t heal us. You bring your disease to us! You made us sick. And now my daughter is dead, because of you.”</p><p>Merlin looked at her with tired eyes. There it was, the weight of depression back on his shoulders. <br/>Arthur wanted to slap her, wanted to scream that it was not Merlin´s fault. But he held no power here. And the towns people, all nice ones whom Arthur had slowly warmed up to over the last few months, spoke of his sentence so easily. <br/>Believed her so easily. And Arthur´s complaints were ignored easily. </p><p>“Merlin, Emrys. What do you plead?” What? Didn´t Merlin get at least some time in the prison cells? At least a day? For Arthur to say goodbye?<br/>Arthur began to panic, as Merlin just slumped into himself, before turning to the woman. </p><p>“I have not killed your child.”, he said. “But I didn´t make it in time and for that I am sorry.”, he said, honestly, as men came to chain his hands behind his back. </p><p>Arthur was trying to fight his way through to Merlin, but Merlin just smiled at him and shook his head. “Trust me -”, his gaze said and Arthur found himself listening.</p><p>“You were accused of sorcery.”, the Sheriff spat in disapproval. “What do you plead!”<br/>Merlin looked him in the eyes, something gold flashing in them. Too short to be seen unless you really looked. “Yes, I am a sorcerer.”, he said and Arthur froze in his place. <br/>Why was Merlin not lying? Why was he not defending himself?</p><p>“Have you aligned with any other sorcerer?! Give us names.”</p><p>Merlin shook his head. “Names, we want names!”, the man shouted, but Merlin hissed, stepping forward to look the Sheriff in the eyes when he answered him. <br/>“You have killed all of my kind hundreds of years ago! Who you are killing today are your own. I wouldn´t fear to be your enemy. Because you treat your enemies with more mercy than your friends. <br/>I have never harmed you. I have used magic to help you where I could. <br/>You know this. But you turn on your friends so fast, you don´t even realize how little there are left.”</p><p>“You will be hanged today!”, the Sheriff said, fear in his eyes. Clearly, the accused never spoke up like this. But Arthur remembered situations such as this. </p><p>However, Arthur had different fears right now. Because Merlin couldn´t be dying like this! He had seen how Merlin would die! This was not the day!</p><p>Agonizingly slow, Merlin was lead to the hanging tree, refusing to spit out names. Claiming he was the last of his kind. Which, as Arthur knew, was true. <br/>And then, the lever was pulled, and the ground beneath Merlin disappeared. </p><p>There was a snap, and then Merlin´s life gave out. </p><p>A black flicker in the world, Arthur blinked. Between now and before and later, he could see the clockroom appear and disappear for a moment. <br/>Just for a short moment and Arthur feared for the worst. Merlin was – dead? Had he died? Except, a second later Arthur was pulled back into the dream. <br/>Another physician was looking over the crooked form that was Merlin´s corpse. <br/>They were going to burn him in a grave without a name. Arthur blinked the tears away. Because if he was still here, then Merlin wasn´t dead. </p><p>Or – he wasn´t anymore? He asked himself. That must be why he saw the clockroom for a second. Why he heard the ticking for just a moment. <br/>Slowly, he walked passed the bystanders, who were about to toss aside the corpse. </p><p>“Go back, boy. Leave!”, the Sheriff spat at him. “he was a witch. He won´t get a grave. That is the rules.”</p><p>Arthur ignored him, stepping closer to his oldest – well yes – friend. <br/>He knelt down. “Merlin.”, he whispered, a tear falling from his eyes. Merlin wasn´t dead, he couldn´t be. </p><p>“Boy, he´s been dead for three days. We made sure. You should have come earlier, if you truly wanted to see him.”</p><p>And then Merlin´s eyes shot open wide. Gold lacing his irises, as he stared right into Arthur´s eyes. <br/>Arthur´s mouth opened wide, choking a laugh, as he hugged the boy close. <br/>Ignoring the marks around his broken neck. <br/>Merlin was alive. He was ALIVE! <br/>This time, Arthur couldn´t hold back, as he kissed the man on the cheek. This was a miracle. This couldn´t be true. And yet - <br/>Who cares if this was a dream! Arthur just thought Merlin had died! And he had, hadn´t he?</p><p>“What?!”, he heard the screams, but he didn´t care, as Merlin stared at Arthur in shock. <br/>“What are you so shocked for, Arthur? Ah, damn. Hurts every time.”</p><p>Merlin rubbed his neck, as his eyes slowly turned back to normal. <br/>“Sorcery, SORCERY!”</p><p>Seriously, Merlin had been hanged for sorcery, what were they so surprised for?</p><p>“What do you mean, hurts every time?!”, Arthur paled as he realized what Merlin was implying. <br/>Merlin grinned. “I´ll explain later. First, we need to get out of here. <br/>I´m sick of this land. Let´s – go to Europe or something.”<br/>And Arthur laughed heatedly. “Yeah, let´s do that.”</p><p>Arthur had wanted magic gone. But if Merlin was magic itself – then Arthur couldn´t accept such a fate. <br/>No. If Merlin was magic, then there was no decision Arthur could make. This was not a future he wanted to see. Merlin was his friend. He´d rather fight all enemies he´d ever faced at once, than his world to be shattered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Pure hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Resources:<br/>https://www.queer.de/detail.php?article_id=32649 <br/>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephinism <br/>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vienna_General_Hospital <br/>alternative resources : „Tausend Jahre Europäische Geschichte – Das 18. Jahrhundert“  by Marie Theres Bauer</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur was going to die. Well, not literally. Merlin had assured him that much. But damn, he was about to. It was the smell, the dirt, the illnesses that laced the air, the sea wind, the movement of the damn ship.<br/>
Never in his life had Arthur ever seen death as a form of mercy.<br/>
Now he wasn´t so sure anymore. </p><p>If in 2020 Arthur had been gushing about clean water and the convenience of bathrooms, he was now missing the utter lack thereof.<br/>
In 2020 humanity traveled from one side of the world to the other in less then 24 hours.<br/>
The voyage they were on now would take them between 50 to 120 days. As Merlin had assured him. </p><p>Arthur was quite certain that Merlin wouldn´t die of all the – well you know – unsanitary conditions of the ship. With him being immortal and well – unable to get sick.<br/>
Arthur however wondered how and why these idiots were handing out rotten food to survive. He feared it, and refused to eat for at least three days until the hunger forced him to comply.<br/>
He threw up almost instantly. At one point Merlin made him a rat soup, not telling him where he got the ingredients from or whatever, but it was better than anything else he had been offered. </p><p>In fact, sticking to Merlin ensured that magic healed his motion sickness and that the water he drank was – purified to some extend. And that no sickness befell him like the rest of the crew. And yes. This was were Arthur would insist Merlin used magic. After everything that had happened. Everything that was happening. He had to accept magic, if he wanted to keep his friend. And himself alive that is.</p><p>But Merlin needn´t to be asked. He just used magic to help Arthur like it was normal. He didn´t ask for thanks as he knew how uneducated Arthur was. How uncomfortable, how irritated Arthur was every time he noticed the use of magic.<br/>
Arthur was ashamed of himself, how easily he accepted the privileges that came with magic, but kept his mouth shut out of pride. How he demanded magic in his need, when he condemned everyone else who used it to the court of his father. Where death was their only sentence. </p><p>Arthur surely was a hypocrite. Then again, this was a dream. It was designed to make him feel that way. However, that knowledge didn´t ease his conscience.</p><p>There were healers on the ship who handed out salves made of animal excrement that stunk even worse than their food.<br/>
Merlin had explained to him, that these were considered medicines.<br/>
But not really, because the effects mostly worsened the conditions. Which is why people kept blaming witches and healers for their sicknesses. </p><p>Merlin – as he looked so young – was seen as merely a child. Considered a fraud for his knowledge that was actually the result of centuries of learning. Arthur sat between the dirt and the smell, trying to hold a conversation with one or two passengers. But either they didn´t understand his language or preferred the silence. </p><p>Merlin certainly kept silent. Unsure how to approach Arthur, after he had been hung. And uncertain of Arthur´s stand on magic at this point.<br/>
They had been on the ship for merely two weeks, when Merlin finally spoke to him again.<br/>
“Arthur – I suppose you have questions.”<br/>
“Not as many as I´d like to ask.”, Arthur said honestly. After all, 2020 Merlin had given him the basics of their situation.<br/>
And walking around Salem with Merlin had taught him a lot, too. </p><p>Especially since Merlin had kept him away from most of the sick people he treated. Sickness was why Arthur was only allowed to help clean wounds with herbs.<br/>
Superstition was why Merlin kept him away from the slave traders and the farmers and priests. </p><p>“You told me neither you nor me had died before. How are you not surprised that I´m -”</p><p>“Immortal?”, Arthur laughed. “You´re many things, Merlin. But even you can´t change destiny. And the last time I saw you was four hundred years from now. I doubt you could die at a time like this.”<br/>
That was a bit of a lie. Arthur had just had one minute of denying Merlin´s death, not three days like it was tradition in Salem. (So they wouldn´t bury someone alive.)</p><p>Merlin shot him a glance that said: seriously? Do you even know who I am?<br/>
“But, I do like to know where we´re headed again in this – stinking hole.”<br/>
Merlin laughed, incredulous. “And you do know about my magic.”, Merlin ignored that. </p><p>Arthur shook his head in disbelieve. “I know this is a dream, Merlin. I am currently in a room in the vaults of Camelot that was made by Cornelius Sigan. He wants me to see magic as something good. That´s the only reason why you have magic here.”</p><p>Merlin´s smile fell in surprise. “So you´re still on about that.”</p><p>“I´m not on about anything. It makes sense, doesn´t it? I know you. And you are the most loyal and brave man I know. Of course they would pick you as the personification of magic. There is no one I´d trust more.”<br/>
Wow, it really was weird to speak such vulnerable truth in front of Merlin. Even if it was a dream.<br/>
Especially when Merlin looked at Arthur like that. </p><p>“You really mean that?!”, Merlin looked at him with wide eyes. The ghost of a smile painting his dusted face. </p><p>Arthur´s toothy smile turned into a grim pout. Nah, he really wasn´t good with vulnerability. Or compliments. </p><p>“Anyway, Merlin. I asked you where we´re going.”<br/>
Merlin smiled sadly, but accepted to ignore Arthur´s comment. “We´re headed to the Netherlands.<br/>
As far as I know, the last witch hunt there has been at least eighty years ago.<br/>
I hoped we could just – live there for a while.” He bit his lip as though there was something else he wanted to say. He just couldn´t bring himself to say it yet.</p><p>Arthur nodded slowly. “You mean, if we survive this.”, Arthur said, pointing at the other passengers. Thinking that that was what Merlin meant. The passengers kept coughing and snoring in the dark of the unlit room. If it could be called a room.</p><p>Merlin looked at them bitterly. “Be glad you look rich with your white skin and blond hair.”, he said bitterly as though he wanted to tell Arthur that yes – all this could be much worse.<br/>
Arthur bit his lip. He knew why Merlin was implying that.<br/>
That left them with a moment of silence. The mentions of slavery, which is what Arthur had already seen in Salem – leaving them uncomfortable. Arthur truly was lucky he was and looked like a prince. He didn´t dare imagine what these people would have done to Tom, the blacksmith and his daughter.</p><p>“You know - I came to the new world with hope.”, Merlin began tiredly. “With friends at my side. Friends from Africa, and India and all across the world really. I hoped we could build another life here.<br/>
But most of them died on the way.”</p><p>By the looks of Merlin, the memories were hard ones to bear.<br/>
“It feels like a lifetime ago. You were with us, by the way. On the Mayflower. We wanted to build a house in America. Help rebuild the country. I never imagined what they would do to – anyone really.<br/>
And then you died on that ship.”, Merlin said with closed eyes. Arthur choked. </p><p>“No, that´s – that´s not possible.”, he stuttered. Because surely, Merlin was immortal in this dream, but Arthur wasn´t. And he didn´t know the extends of his abilities here, yet. </p><p>Merlin shook his head. “No, it really is. You just wake up in the clockroom when you die. So it´s fine.<br/>
Believe me, the first time it happened I had been so frightened you altered the past, I barely slept for ten years.<br/>
Then you came back again. You wouldn´t imagine how relieved I was.”</p><p>Arthur bit back a reply. God. Merlin´s life sounded like a nightmare.</p><p>“You know, Arthur. This world was once – magical. And I mean it was full of wonders and beauty. I always believed it was Uther who was the biggest threat to that.<br/>
But it´s humanity. It´s death and prejudices and slavery and sickness and reality that takes it away.<br/>
I´d rather guard you in secret in the castle again then see all this pain. And I´d like to spare you the loss of hope that comes with staying with me.”<br/>
Merlin was making a decision, Arthur realized in horror. And awfully selfless decision.</p><p> Merlin closed his eyes, clearly about to cry.<br/>
“I want you – I need you to understand something, Arthur. None of what you see here was caused by magic.” Arthur stared at him with wide eyes.<br/>
“It was caused by the lack thereof.”, Merlin added.</p><p>Arthur frowned sadly. All these nightmares and they were just to trick him. He saw Merlin suffer, just because a stupid old sorcerer was bitter over Arthur´s wish to see magic gone.<br/>
“I know that´s a ruse, Merlin.” A trick from Sigan. Nothing more.</p><p>“Arthur, please. You don´t have to believe this but -”, Merlin turned to him with a huff and took Arthur´s hands in his own. Arthur flinched at the sudden contact. Merlin´s hands were cold.<br/>
“Killing magic, killing anything that´s magical causes nothing but suffering.<br/>
Whenever a magical creature dies, another sickness spreads the world. When an innocent magical creature dies, the world gets cursed. Whenever an innocent sorcerer gets killed, another one swears vengeance.<br/>
And right now, this world is at it´s worst point when it comes to magic. It has lost everything.”</p><p>“You´re still here though. And if you are magic, then -”, Arthur was meaning to say that if Merlin was here, then surely goodness was still in the world. It had to be. But Merlin never let him finish.</p><p>Merlin finally smiled as though he knew. “Arthur, magic is life itself. If I am the last magic left, that means the day I die will be the end of everything that lives. It´ll be the end of the world.”</p><p>Arthur froze and blinked rapidly. No – was Merlin serious? A picture crossed his mind. Of an old man, impaled by a magical sword. The sky burning, the world dying.</p><p>“Do me the favor, Arthur. And go back to your own time. And come back another time when all this misery is passed. Maybe some magic will return in the future. I don´t know. But I want to hope it will. But this is no life I want for the both of us.”</p><p>Arthur stared at Merlin, unsure what to say. “Merlin, I´m not going to leave you here.” He couldn´t let Merlin suffer here alone! It didn´t matter how long he´d stayed, Merlin had assured him of that before! Why would he want him to leave?</p><p>Merlin smiled. “Arthur, you said it yourself. This is nothing but a dream. It´s a nightmare and you need to wake up.”<br/>
The truth was, Arthur wanted to wake up. Wake up from this mess of a ship. This hell of a century. </p><p>“I can´t leave you here.”<br/>
“I won´t leave you the choice.”, Merlin said and suddenly his hand was glowing again, not unnoticed by the other passengers, but Arthur didn´t have the time to react when suddenly his mind went blank. Like he just fell asleep and soon he woke up again. In the clock room. Pale and heaving with sweat.<br/>
Quickly he put on his second outfit he had left in the clock room. He´d brought it with him in case he´d come back in the wrong clothes and stormed out the room. </p><p>He needed to find Merlin. Where the hell was he?!<br/>
He should go hunting. Yes, yes. That he should do. The image of Merlin suffering wouldn´t leave his mind. He needed to hunt that away. He needed to kill SOMETHING!</p><p>Because he knew, even if he turned back to stay with the Merlin in the Netherlands, he wouldn´t be able to find the right time.<br/>
The magic of the clock room would fool him and send him elsewhere. Which was what made him rage with fear and grief and regret.<br/>
And wonder. To wake him up, had Merlin just killed him?<br/>
Oh he could kill that bloody sorcerer!</p><p> </p><p>------------</p><p> </p><p>Merlin knew absolutely nothing of Arthur´s mood. How and why it changed. Certainly.<br/>
But suggesting a sudden hunting trip was nothing he wasn´t prepared for.<br/>
Armed with knights and crossbows and the promise to bring something extraordinary back to Camelot, the went out into the woods. </p><p>“Merlin.”, Arthur whispered. He had heard something. Something moving.<br/>
“What is it?”, Merlin asked.<br/>
“I don´t know. We will surround it. I want you to go in there and flush it out.”</p><p>Yeah, Arthur was still mad about the whole, kill Arthur to return him to the clockroom thing that the not so real Merlin pulled. Only mere hours ago.<br/>
That may not be fair, but Arthur was the crown prince. He didn´t care about that.</p><p>“You want me to go in there? You just said you don´t know what it is. It could be dangerous.”</p><p>Arthur could have rolled his eyes. Merlin was such a coward most of the time. How a guy like this could go and live during the witch hunts in Salem – ha! He couldn´t. Arthur knew it. The whole thing was entirely fake!<br/>
“Let´s hope so, now go!”</p><p>While Merlin sneaked off to face the creature, Arthur watched from where he stood. And then, his mind that had just thought he found the proof he needed to convince himself of the falseness of the clockroom, froze.<br/>
Merlin let the stick fall that he had picked up to approach the creature.<br/>
A unicorn. A bloody unicorn. </p><p>Arthur frowned. This was a magical creature. Uther would have him kill it in an instant. But something made him hesitate.<br/>
One reason was that the clockroom Merlin had warned him of killing magical creature. Another was that he was scared to see the same pain on Merlin´s face that he had seen when “Aithusa” had died. </p><p>The major reason, however, was how Merlin approached the unicorn. Like it was his own fucking baby or something. Admittedly, it was pretty. But Merlin looked – love struck.<br/>
And Arthur would know how a love struck Merlin looked like. Or rather, he could imagine. That look made him hesitate. </p><p>“Go. Go! Please go! Shh. They´re gonna kill you. Please go. Arthur! No!”<br/>
But it also convinced him to pull the trigger.<br/>
Because Arthur needed to prove that all magical creatures were evil. That their death was necessary. And that Merlin wouldn´t feel it´s death like his dream self did the dragon´s.<br/>
Arthur had to prove that to himself.</p><p>Which is why it was so hard to accept, when Merlin looked so heartbroken.<br/>
Merlin actually cried. “I´m sorry. Sorry.”, he repeated himself. </p><p>“Ha-ha! A unicorn!”, Arthur shouted, as he came out his hiding spot. Surely, he could convince Merlin that everything was fine, if he just pretended it was, right?</p><p>“What have you done?”</p><p>“Don´t be such a girl, Merlin.”</p><p>Well – and as you might know, things went downhill from there.<br/>
Had Arthur known what the death of the unicorn would force him through. If he had known that a curse would befall Camelot. Well – Arthur would still have made the same mistake.<br/>
Because Arthur Pendragon might not have known for sure, but he had been warned. Both from the future and from Gaius. And he had wanted to prove that he was above such magical superstitions. </p><p>The only person that Arthur realized was even more dense then himself, might have been his own father. Because he convinced Arthur that there must be an alternative reason. Another – culprit who did this.</p><p>While Arthur fought with his conscience, and pushed through the trials that he insisted were given to him by Anhora, the keeper of the unicorns, Arthur had to accept that all of this – was indeed, his own fault. His own father however, would never see sense. (This Merlin has seriously made him eat rat soup again. Just like in that stupid dream. Well – otherwise he might not have recognized the taste.)</p><p>What troubled Arthur the most, however, was how eager Merlin was to drink the poison for him. As though Arthur didn´t already blame himself for the last time the idiot pulled that stunt.<br/>
Still. “I´m glad you are here, Merlin.”<br/>
And he was. That, at least, was not magic. That was not a ruse. That was the sole truth and Arthur would never again admit it, but it gave him the strength to drink the poison.<br/>
If it had been anyone else he´d have to drink the poison for – Arthur was certain the decision would have been a lot less easy. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>The unicorn lived again. Why, well Merlin said something about the purity of one´s heart. Arthur didn´t quite get the sentiment, but he was sure Merlin just called him a girl. </p><p>Anyway. Arthur has had enough of hunger and pain. Of confusion and irritation.<br/>
What Arthur truly wanted, what he truly needed, was to know what to believe in. He wanted to be sure. He wanted to be able to trust himself. He wanted to know what to believe and he needed someone who understood his responsibilities to guide him.</p><p>Because his father wasn´t a person who listened to new ideas. </p><p>The only way he knew how to achieve that was – as you know. The clockroom. Arthur gave himself a week to rest, before he prepared to leave once more.<br/>
In the dead of night, he made sure no man would see him, especially not Merlin. And sneaked off to the vaults of Camelot. Carefully avoiding the path that lead to the dragon. As usual. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>- 28th of January 1784 -<br/>
Wien, Austria</p><p>When Arthur opened his eyes, he hadn´t expected to be outdoors. Why, he wasn´t sure. Maybe because last time he used the clockroom he ended up in the belly of a ship. Well – after months, but it was his last memory of that adventure.<br/>
A part of him wondered if his mind would just continue the story in the Netherlands.<br/>
It didn´t though. </p><p>Despite his wishes to meet with a future king. Preferably of Camelot, Arthur was heavily disappointed to find his heart desires weren´t answered accurately.<br/>
And the chattering noises of people – well. He didn´t understand a word. And he was glad nobody had seen him appear all of a sudden. Though he wasn´t really sure if those people he saw where even human anymore.<br/>
Men and women wore high heels, make up, powder and large coats and -<br/>
Honestly, there was no individuality. He couldn´t make out if these people where rich or poor. They all used the same materials, the same colorful accessory.<br/>
And yet, Arthur couldn´t help but feel under dressed yet again. If in 2020 his clothes looked poorly made but passed as jogging clothes at a university and fit almost perfectly in 1692, he was now in a world where theater had made it to the lower town. And the common mind of fashion.<br/>
At least he could tell that these people had some sense of hygiene. At least they didn´t look like they were using sh** as medicine. </p><p>Speaking of which. Arthur understood immediately, why he was brought here, instead of a throne room.<br/>
Of course, Merlin wouldn´t serve under another king. He couldn´t. Simply because Arthur couldn´t imagine it. But Merlin as a physician, that he understood.<br/>
Which was probably why the building in front of him had an archway of stone that said:</p><p>Saluti et solatio aegrorum </p><p>“For the safety and comfort of patients.”, Arthur translated, as he had learned latin during his childhood.<br/>
The building was giant and long and Arthur just knew this thing had to have something to do with health and patients and what not. Obviously. Since Merlin claimed to be a physician in his dreams.</p><p>“Arthur? ARTHUR!”<br/>
Ah yes, that voice was familiar. Soon enough a person or - actor jumped at Arthur, hugging him in the middle of the freaking street, in front of hundreds of witnesses.<br/>
Merlin looked around the age of 28. That didn´t stop him from hugging Arthur so hard that he actually fell to the ground.<br/>
So – there was probably a better time to meet his servant. But it was still a better time than Salem, Arthur decided.</p><p>“God, I´m so glad to see you!”, Merlin said, so happy, Arthur feared the man would just kiss him on the street. With hundreds of witnesses. Merlin seemed to be reading his mind.<br/>
“Don´t look at me like that. I´m not going to kiss you now. Being – like us -  is still punishable by death.” He made that sound like Arthur had wanted it to happen.<br/>
Arthur´s eyes widened with realization. “What?!”, Arthur thought, but decided to ignore the implications of Merlin´s sentence.<br/>
Being like what was what now?</p><p>Merlin tilted his head in confusion as he frowned and examined Arthur´s face a bit further.<br/>
He looked at every side of Arthur´s head, before he stood up, brushed off the dirt and helped Arthur up.<br/>
Only now did Arthur see that Merlin looked just as ridiculous as the rest of the people he saw on the street. Just – more formal and sanitary. Like he was going to his job or something.<br/>
Pff – Merlin and a job.  No wait – Merlin had been working all his life. Right.</p><p>“What the hell are you wearing?!”, Arthur asked, as Merlin hadn´t answered his other silent questions yet. </p><p>“Ah that, yeah. No, that´s normal. “Really?”, Arthur asked, with a raised brow. </p><p>“It is.”, Merlin frowned, slightly confused.<br/>
“Anyway, where were you the last time you used the clockroom?<br/>
And what happened in between?”</p><p>“I, er – the last time we were on the way to the Netherlands, because witch hunts and then you send me back, because you didn´t want me to suffer or something.<br/>
Wait a second, DID you kill me to wake me up?”, Arthur crossed his arms, ignoring the whispers that unfamiliar tongues spoke about him and his clothes. And his tone, but Arthur wouldn´t understand any of that - gibberish.</p><p>Merlin stopped, then grinned and then laughed. “What? No. Of course not. I used magic to force your mind to make the decision to wake up. I manipulated you. </p><p>“You brain washed me.”, Arthur gaped.<br/>
Merlin shrugged. “I was depressed, okay? Everything good had just disappeared from my life. I didn´t want you to hate me or everything that went on in that world. I didn´t want you to blame me for the things that happened and I didn´t want you to pity me.<br/>
So yes, I brain washed you, so you wouldn´t have the chance.”, Merlin paused, before he continued.<br/>
“Didn´t really stop you from visiting me in the Netherlands again though. It was nice not to spend the whole time on my own.<br/>
Anyway. What happened in your time, since you left?”</p><p>Arthur pouted, still unsure what to make of Merlin´s sudden optimistic behavior. Also, EXCUSE you, all that was good had just disappeared from Merlin´s life? So he send ARTHUR away, like he WASN´T the best thing that EVER happened to the poor excuse of a physician?????? Seriously Merlin, you little piece of -<br/>
Wait - Arthur was with him in the Netherlands? Alright, that didn´t make sense, but now was not the time to ask about it. Arthur had come here for a reason.<br/>
One he should remember fast, if he wanted to get home any time soon.</p><p>“Er, I´d say, I killed a unicorn.”<br/>
Merlin blinked for a second, then sighed. “God, that was after? I think I warned you of killing magical creatures, didn´t I?”<br/>
Arthur bit his lip in shame. “Yes, you did.”, then he rolled his eyes.<br/>
“And you didn´t believe me.”, Merlin huffed accusingly.<br/>
“You know I never believe you.”<br/>
That actually made Merlin laugh, causing Arthur´s mouth to twitch slightly. </p><p>“We solved that problem though. Camelot is safe.” Arthur didn´t add the “for now” that his mind unhelpfully provided.</p><p>“Well then, old friend, I´d say you need a different set of clothes and a good excuse why you don´t speak German.”, Merlin clapped his hands after a short pause. Were they both were quiet, unsure what else to say. </p><p>“Oh, and I really want to show you my new job! You see that building over there?”, Merlin pointed at the building that Arthur had woken up with. Curious, he followed Merlin´s directions.<br/>
“That´s a hospital. The Vienna General Hospital, to be precise.<br/>
I assume you don´t know what that is. A hospital is a house full of physicians, healers and patients. I´ve travelled a bit with Albrecht von Haller. He died years ago. But he was a genius physician and botanist and poet. He´s dead now, but his work is genius.<br/>
Did you know there is a form of electricity in our brains that controls our body?<br/>
I always assumed that was a form of life magic. Maybe it´s actually the same thing. But he figured out it´s electricity!!! Pure genius.<br/>
I´ve practically breathed his work (icones anatomicae) about the blood circle and -”, Merlin didn´t stop talking nonsense. </p><p>“Sorry, I´m trailing off.”, he noticed Arthur´s irritated stares.<br/>
“What I wanted to say is, King Joseph II has installed this whole thing and I´m about to be the youngest of the doctors that are allowed to work there.”<br/>
Merlin was beaming, as he now pulled Arthur with him towards the large building, where Arthur just knew he would be getting a ridiculous make over. He didn´t complain though. He had to fit in somehow, after all.<br/>
But seriously, who the hell was king Joseph II?!?!?! Was Merlin cheating on him? Wait, wrong comparison. Where did that even come from?<br/>
Later, Arthur. Questions may be asked later. </p><p>Of course, he was right. In the end he looked just as ridiculous as the rest of the folk and Merlin and had to listen to Merlin about a king that freed the farmers from their dependence on the rich, who lessened the influences of the nobles and founded and or supported educational and social institutions. Such as schools and hospitals.<br/>
He also talked to him about how the the king was installing a tolerance politic that allowed people of different religions to live their life together in peace. And gave them freedom.<br/>
He even lessened the burdens that were set on the Jews, whoever those people were. </p><p> </p><p>-  (A.N. // Arthur won´t know of this, but shortly before Joseph II died after ten years of his regency between 1780 to 1790, he had to take back some of his accomplishments. Which were far ahead of his time.<br/>
He wasn´t a very popular king during his regency, because he lessened the influences of nobles and the church and the common folk wasn´t entirely happy with him either, but when you read articles about him – that man founded what we now know as human rights and freedom of religion (he even experimented with freedom for the press but failed at that point) in austria. It´s amazingly fascinating, really. He was a perfectionist, planning every detail of laws up to the point he directed how many candles were to be lightened on a funeral. He had very modern ideas. He was just too fast with getting them through. And okay, he was still a monarch that saw the people as tools for work and such, but well. He had some very good ideas for his time.<br/>
Honestly, that´s a guy I would have loved to learn about in school.) -</p><p> </p><p>Arthur listened to Merlin gush about this king. Sometimes he hated being right. Merlin WAS cheating on him. In a more loyal sense, not a romantic one. Arthur hated how his brain kept trailing back to that supposed future of theirs.<br/>
It caused some minor infliction on his self esteem, obviously. But Merlin also compared the two of them.<br/>
Both kings with extreme ideals. With fresh ideas for their kingdom. With plans that not every person was alright with. </p><p>Arthur wondered, if Merlin was about to compare their visions on magic as well, then he remembered that after Aithusa´s death, Merlin was the last component of magic left in the world.<br/>
Witch hunts weren´t mentioned anymore either. When Arthur asked, Merlin told him, the last where held about a decade ago in Germany (1775). About 165 years after the Netherlands last witch hunt.<br/>
Interesting, when you think about how close those countries were geographically.<br/>
Now it made sense, why Merlin lived in the Netherlands for so long. What did he say? 60 years? Dang, just how old was Merlin now?</p><p>However, Merlin ensured Arthur, that Arthur had been a much better king. Why, you ask? Simple: Arthur valued the life and the opinions of the common people.<br/>
King Joseph II saw them as a tool for work. </p><p>Still. Arthur had wanted to talk to someone who understood his destiny. Maybe this man could help. Maybe this man was why Arthur was here.<br/>
Apparently the man didn´t care about popularity.<br/>
He made decisions that were good for his people. That he believed were right. Arthur could tell, by the standard that had evolved around the man. And by how ecstatic Merlin was about his decisions.<br/>
Especially the one´s about health care and hospitals. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------</p><p> </p><p>Once more, Arthur spend months learning new cultures, new rules and traditions and the extreme virtues that this country held in this time.<br/>
All while Merlin was simply a bundle of joy. </p><p>Arthur never saw an execution since he got here, so that was nice (A.N.//: good thing you didn´t end up in France, five years later, you lucky bastard.).</p><p>Merlin also made sure he´d learn a handful of German, so king Joseph II wouldn´t have him flogged (Standard German became official doing Joseph´s reign. Before that it was medieval latin.).<br/>
He only taught him, though, because Arthur had insisted to introduce the king to him.<br/>
After all, apparently Merlin had met the guy. Loyalty, yeah sure, Merlin.</p><p>“You sure you´re ready to meet him?”, Merlin asked then, when he thought Arthur was ready.<br/>
Was Arthur ready? Surely not. But that´s what he came here for.<br/>
“As ready as I´ll ever be.”</p><p>“You remember how to address a king?”</p><p>Arthur shot him a pointed look.<br/>
“Alright, fine. Just asking. You sure, you want me to come with you?”<br/>
“Obviously. You  think the guy would want to see some weird stranger, when he could be talking to an actual physician? I´m pretty sure he values your opinion above that of a noble. For all that you´ve told me. Also you´re better at German.”</p><p>Merlin smiled. “He values the opinion of an intellectual, if you don´t mind. ”<br/>
Arthur rolled his eyes.<br/>
“Say, Merlin, why don´t you marry him, if he treats you so much better.”</p><p>Merlin actually sputtered at that, laughing way too loud for Arthur´s taste. “What!?”</p><p>Merlin kept giggling to himself, as he helped Arthur with that ridiculous looking costume.<br/>
“You sound jealous.”, Merlin grinned as though that was amusing to him. Which it was, not gonna lie. Arthur paled. That was NOT what he meant by that.</p><p>“I am not jealous. I´m just saying -”</p><p>“Arthur, don´t worry, I don´t like him THAT much. I was friends with his first wife. He kept gushing about her, all the freaking time, honestly. I´m pretty sure she had a crush on his sister though.<br/>
She -Isabella died, by the way, but that´s not the point.<br/>
Besides, I´m not even his personal physician. He has some other bloke at his side who can´t even treat chicken pox. It´s ridiculous.  Also he does speak Latin, if you really want to talk to him without a translator.<br/>
More importantly, you do SOUND jealous. But I know it´s because I´m your servant, and you´d consider it treason if I abandoned you to some other king.<br/>
You´re not ready to be in love with me yet, anyway.”</p><p>Arthur blinked at that rambled reasoning, but Merlin kept smiling. Not ready to be -<br/>
Alright, back off, thought! Arthur had other things on his mind right now.</p><p>“Say, Arthur, why are you here, exactly. I know you want to talk to Joseph, but why exactly?”</p><p>Arthur sighed, as he considered confiding in Merlin. “Because – lately, I´m visiting the clockroom more often then I should, really.<br/>
And I´m not sure what to believe in anymore. I know it´s all a dream, but I don´t have proof, you know -”, that was a thought. Arthur hadn´t realized he said that out loud. Merlin had this – thing – that made Arthur talk out his most inner thoughts without realizing he did it.<br/>
Most of the time Merlin ignored him, so Arthur didn´t even notice when he did it.<br/>
This time, however, was one of those rare moments, when Merlin acted like a wise old man. Which, to be fair, he kind of was now.</p><p>Merlin stopped combing his hair. “Arthur, why on earth would you come here, if you need proof? You won´t find proof here, if you´re so insistent that it´s all a dream.”</p><p>“You told me last time it´s a nightmare.”</p><p>“I just wanted you to wake up.”, Merlin said defensively, as he crossed his arms. Clearly not wanting to be reminded of the witch hunts.<br/>
“Waking me up implies -”</p><p>“You know what I mean.”, Merlin sighed and rolled his eyes. </p><p>“Seriously, Arthur, will you ever consider that this might be the actual truth? That this is really happening? You know magic exists, you´re not doubting THAT, even though you could. Hell, you simply don´t want to believe that I could have magic and that´s why you´re so upset all the time when I use it.<br/>
And you simply don´t want to believe that this is real! Would it be so bad if it was?”</p><p>Arthur pressed his lips into a very thin line, as he locked eyes with Merlin´s blue ones.<br/>
“I don´t know.”, he said honestly. Would it? Would it be okay if magic was good? Or could be good? Would it be good if Arthur found a reason to abandon everything his father had taught him?<br/>
Would it be good to accept that his father slaughtered innocent people?<br/>
Arthur wasn´t ready to accept that. And how could he be sure this wasn´t all Cornelius Sigan? Planting ideas and ruses in his head just to damn his kingdom one day?</p><p> Merlin´s shoulders sagged with disappointment and irritation.<br/>
“Well then.”, he said, but averted his eyes from Arthur.<br/>
And dang, that hurt. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Meeting and talking to king Joseph was actually a lot easier than Arthur had imagined.<br/>
The king was on a visit stay in the Vienna General hospital. He was given an overview, as respective physicians showed him the institution. One of them was Merlin. How he got that job, Arthur could only question, but he was allowed to accompany them. Moreover, Merlin belonged to the leading parties of this rare occasion.</p><p>The king, was quite a bit of a restless monarch. Arthur had met many royals and nobles in his life. And as far as he knew, it was royal etiquette to be calm at all times.<br/>
King Joseph II was no such person. He may be clothed like the paintings that hung on the walls in his honor, but he was in no way or form calm.<br/>
He asked so many questions about the institution, the best ways to treat an infection and all that kind of crap that Arthur wondered how on earth this guy could be in his forties. </p><p>He was jumping around, looking at paintings, questioning patients and all that stuff Arthur was taught to avoid. Which was why it was hard for Arthur to even get to talk to him.<br/>
Listening was hard enough, since Arthur´s German was broken at best. </p><p>Merlin was helping him as much as he could with whispering and telling him what the monarch said. </p><p>“And this, my king, is the part where we keep the – unnaturally sick.”<br/>
Arthur perked up at that. Unnaturally sick? Was he mishearing things? Were they referring to magic? No that couldn´t be. Then again, all about this time travel thing had to do with magic.<br/>
Of course it had to now as well.<br/>
Merlin next to him flinched at the healer who was perhaps in his sixties.  And looked very proud of all the studying that lead him here. </p><p>Surely he wouldn´t allow Merlin to outsmart him, should they get into a debate.<br/>
“You mean -”, King Joseph shot Merlin a glance, just like Arthur had. Oddly enough, soon after, he shot Arthur that same infuriating look that sounded like it actually had something to do with Arthur as well. </p><p>Merlin kept looking at both kings, as his eyes suddenly widened and he realized what King Joseph meant.<br/>
“He thinks we´re a couple.”, Merlin said in the only language that only Arthur understood.<br/>
Arthur stared at him in disbelieve.<br/>
Yeah right, not everything was about magic. Most of this stuff was about the non existing love affair between him and Merlin. Right, how could he forget.</p><p>“Why?!”, Arthur asked, incredulous and annoyed by the recycling conversation. </p><p>Merlin grinned. “Because I brought you here and you don´t understand a word they´re saying?”<br/>
But Arthur ignored the reason, as he realized something about this conversation that was decidedly more important than that.<br/>
“Wait a second – they put people in there for who they love?”, he asked Merlin.<br/>
Merlin looked down, his grin falling slowly. </p><p>Right, Merlin must be used to those antics now.<br/>
“Only the lucky ones.”, he whispered. Those that could be seen as sick rather than criminals, was what Merlin implied, but he didn´t say it. </p><p>King Joseph seemed to have noticed the change in their moods, before he spoke up once more.<br/>
“Merlin, old friend.”, he began, and that much German, Arthur could actually understand.<br/>
Still, Merlin kept translating for him.<br/>
“I have made a decision about what we talked about last time. You have saved my life more than once. So I thought it would only be fair to ensure, you can continue your great work without worrying about – a thing.<br/>
I have decided to lessen the sentence of such – crimes.”, he pointed at the door that looked like it was locked. </p><p>The healers around them send Merlin wide eyed stares, as Merlin shrank into himself. Arthur just stared between them, absolutely confused. And mildly terrified.<br/>
There were a few implications about that wording, that Arthur couldn´t get out of his head.<br/>
Merlin had been saving the kings life, Merlin had discussed his love life with the king. A king who could have him hanged for his actions or who he was. Wait that sounds familiar. Arthur blinked. </p><p>The stared at the locked door. Inside were people, locked in for who they were.<br/>
Like people believed being gay was contagious. To be fair, that´s exactly what the king believed.<br/>
Arthur however, found himself put off by the mere thought of such nonsense.<br/>
Then again – Arthur had believed, only minutes ago, that there were sorcerers locked inside the room.<br/>
Contagious, dangerous. Sick, uncontrollable.<br/>
It was not the same. And yet, it was exactly the same.<br/>
Magic was compared to love yet again, he realized. </p><p>“I don´t understand why you locked them in. What was their crime?”, he asked and he found himself hearing someone else asking him the same question. But about sorcerers. And maybe Arthur was asking himself that question out loud. And not king Joseph II.<br/>
The king looked startled by the sudden Latin, because of the language switch he had insisted on in his country. However, a smiled crept onto his powdered face, as he realized he could actually talk to this stranger.</p><p>“Ah, no. These innocent young lads send themselves in. Because they realized they had certain feelings for their same gender. They did no crime, they are just sick.<br/>
I won´t have them executed for that.”</p><p>Arthur paled. People really got executed for that?<br/>
And yet, Arthur heard the same words describing magic users. Sometimes he really hated these metaphors.<br/>
“You have people executed for being something they – are?”</p><p>The king´s face fell. “You must be from very far away, if you don´t know such things. I was just trying to tell your friend here, that I plan to stop such unnecessary brutality. I will change the law.”</p><p>Arthur blinked. Change the law. Change the law. If something is unjust, change the law.<br/>
Could Arthur change the law about magic? Should he?<br/>
But how can he be sure? How can he know it´s right? How does he know what is wrong?</p><p>“Aren´t you afraid, you´re making the wrong decision?” Surely that question sounded wrong, based on all the comments Arthur had made before. But this was what he had wanted to know in the first place. This was the question that made him come here.</p><p>The king smiled upon him, merely startled at the changed attitude.<br/>
“I am the king of this land. And it is my duty to make just what is unjust. I have yet to learn many things, but I am willing to listen.<br/>
If what I do now is a mistake, I can change it later. Or the next king will.<br/>
I will do as much as I can for this land, and I won´t make myself doubt over things my predecessors said or did.<br/>
Everybody makes mistakes. Even, or rather, especially our ancestors. It would be unreasonable – outright foolish even - to make the same mistakes twice. Especially when I already know better. </p><p>Arthur nodded slowly. Did he know better? Better than Uther? Who had protected Camelot for more than two decades?</p><p>“But how do I know?”, Arthur asked. King Joseph looked at him strangely. Surely, the I had not missed his ears. Arthur was talking like he was the king. But king Joseph ignored that notion.<br/>
“Easy, you don´t.”, the king said, shrugging his shoulders and sending Merlin a gentle smile. Merlin just kept staring between the two of them.<br/>
Did – did Merlin know latin?</p><p>Arthur blinked once more, absolutely confused.<br/>
The king seemed to sense something in their conversation, because he decided to sling his arm around Arthur´s shoulder and poked him on the nose.<br/>
Personal – distance. Arthur thought, and shot Merlin a helpless expression, but the king ignored him. </p><p>“My boy, nobody knows anything. Which is why we learn and educate ourselves.<br/>
Just ask yourself what is right and what you believe in and then – do it. Don´t care about the consequences, you can deal with that later.”<br/>
Arthur stared at him in confusion. “What if there are two things that I both believe in that contradict each other? What if the proof I find for them are uncertain and can be brushed aside for a dream?<br/>
What if my decision isn´t about what´s right and wrong, but if I should choose family or friends?”</p><p>Okay, now Arthur was certain Merlin and the other healers all understood latin. How embarrassing.<br/>
The king looked at him slowly. How can someone look slowly?<br/>
He pondered about Arthur´s question for a while.<br/>
“That, indeed, sounds difficult.”, he nodded, wondering what Arthur could have meant. </p><p>“Then, what do you WANT to believe in?”, the king asked. Causing Arthur to pause.<br/>
“Both?”, he said, because that exactly was what was bothering him.<br/>
He wanted to believe both. He wanted to believe his father was right, because his father had always been right. If he wasn´t now – then Arthur wondered how many innocent life´s that would have caused.<br/>
How many people had died for Uther´s wrong decisions?</p><p>But he wanted to believe Merlin was good. He wanted to believe that magic COULD be good. But that in itself was so – difficult to accept for multiple reasons. Armed reasons. Deadly ones. </p><p>The king pondered once more.<br/>
“Then, what of the two is easier to believe?”, he asked and Arthur looked up again.<br/>
And the king smiled than. “I find that often, the easier answer is the deceiving one. The right thing is often more difficult. More layered. Because nothing is ever easy.<br/>
For example, I know that my people don´t like the decisions I have made for them. I know that the nobles are angry, I know the clerus is furious with my actions.<br/>
But I believe with my heart, that every decision I made was right. And that it will lead to a better future.<br/>
None of those actions was easy. And sometimes I fear I made a mistake. I fear I´m not doing enough. I doubt myself because people don´t understand.<br/>
But I see that you do. </p><p>Merlin has mentioned you to me before, Arthur. And I know that you have a difficult destiny. Which is why I know that your decisions are equally complicated as mine are.<br/>
And I believe you are one of the few people in the world who understands my actions.<br/>
So tell me, young man. Do you think it would have been right for me to lay back and go the easy road? To continue the work of my ancestors precisely as it has been?</p><p>Was it wrong to question their actions and try lead this land to a better future?<br/>
A land can not evolve, if it doesn´t change. And to do that, changes have to be made. And those changes are based on difficult decisions.”</p><p>Arthur gaped, as understanding settled in his stomach.<br/>
The changes that were made to this country – as explained by Merlin, as seen by Arthur after month´s of supervising the people of this land – were good.<br/>
They were right. They were the bases for a fairer kingdom. A better one.<br/>
It held values that Arthur wanted to bring to Camelot when he was king. </p><p>It would be so much easier to just continue with what Uther had shown him to do.<br/>
It was much more difficult to accept magic. </p><p>“It´s okay to make mistakes, young man. Some mistakes must be made to find the right solutions. Allow yourself to fail, or else you will never succeed.”</p><p>And with that, the Latin conversation ended and the suspicious healers went on their merry way. Showing the king what else was new.<br/>
Arthur and Merlin were left behind, as Arthur was frozen in his place. </p><p>“Arthur?”, Merlin asked quietly, back to speaking the language Arthur grew up with.<br/>
“Not now, Merlin.”, Arthur said. Because damn, he had to mull that over first. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Another few weeks passed. Merlin went to work in between and came home late in the evening. He wasn´t just attending to patients, as he later told Arthur. He was also helping in the orphanage and the maternity ward that were separate tasks of the hospital. </p><p>Arthur and him lived somewhat more outside. With the farmers. So of course it took Merlin some time to get there and back.<br/>
Arthur didn´t get a job. For one, because he was a prince and never considered how other people lived.<br/>
The other reason was, that Arthur doubted he would stay much longer. </p><p>He had talked to Joseph. That´s what he had come here for.<br/>
And slowly, but steadily, he came to the conclusion that the king was right. In a way, Arthur had been trying to follow the easy solutions.<br/>
The virtues and believes he had been taught as a child. </p><p>Maybe it was time to question them. And see how good magic could be. Maybe it was time he accepted magic for what it was.<br/>
Not just dangerous, not just a tool to kill him. Because surely magic didn´t exist just as a tool to kill the king of Camelot.<br/>
That´s not why it was invented, was it? Magic was much older, after all.<br/>
Maybe it was time to consider why people turned to magic. Maybe it was time to acknowledge that people had a reasons for their actions. </p><p>Maybe he shouldn´t blame the magic itself, but the magic user?</p><p>Someone like – Merlin.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Trapped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For this chapter, I followed the transcripts of the Merlin wiki fanpage (links in the notes) from Arthur´s perspective.<br/>I´m doing my best to get Arthur up to date to everything that´s happening and how that influences his behavior and decisions.<br/>The whole love thing is getting very confusing for me, but I am trying to get it right.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin returned home late that night. And he looked very, very tired.<br/>
There were bags under his eyes and he looked shaken. Like the carriage he had taken home had been using the rockiest road of all.<br/>
Which is why Arthur wasn´t surprised when Merlin fell face first into his straw bed.<br/>
Honestly, didn´t beds evolve at all until the 21th century?<br/>
Did anything evolve, until the 21th century? Sorry. Of course, there was the great fashion disaster of the 18th century. How could Arthur forget. </p><p>It wasn´t like the powder and the make up and the toupees and all that junk became quite itchy after some time. </p><p>Anyhow, while Arthur stayed in Merlin´s home, he wasn´t just complaining about the low life standards he now had to live with.<br/>
No, he also kept wondering how he had become Merlin´s housewife, because god damn it Merlin. Will you ever stop being messy?<br/>
Arthur had better things to do than clean up after him – no actually, he didn´t. He still wasn´t going to play Merlin´s servant, though. </p><p>Anyway.<br/>
Arthur made the decision to stop wondering about what was right and wrong and started gathering the knowledge of what made a person good or bad.<br/>
“Say, Merlin, how was your day?”, Arthur finally asked, as he tried reading some of the papers that lay around in the hut.<br/>
It was all German. Bollocks. </p><p>“Hell.”, Merlin muffled through the pillows.<br/>
“Something happen?”<br/>
Merlin looked up at him. “You think after that discussion you had with Joseph all those weeks ago and outed me in front of all my colleges? Nothing. Of course not. Everything has been splendid.”</p><p>Arthur frowned. “I don´t understand why they can´t mind their own business. It´s not like they have anything to do with us.”<br/>
Merlin blinked, irritated at Arthur´s wording, but ignoring it for the sake of a peaceful mind.<br/>
“True. But they think it is. They are bullies. Nothing more.”</p><p>“I think you care too much about all this.”, Arthur decided, as he saw how Merlin just sighed and began rolling up his arm. What for, he couldn´t say. But that didn´t matter anyway.<br/>
Arm. His arm. Arthur did a double take. He was imagining things.<br/>
He must be. </p><p>There were cuts in Merlin´s arms. Scars from old ropes, bruises from recent ones. His entire skin was red, and Arthur noticed how some of them were recent.<br/>
“What the hell happened?”, he finally jumped to his feet, as he grabbed for Merlin´s arm to look at it more closely. It was sickening. It looked like someone had rammed some needles in Merlin´s arm.</p><p>“What always happens when someone discovers a secret of mine. It´s no big deal, I´ve faced worse.”</p><p>The implied “remember when I died during the witch hunts?”  hung heavily in the air. Causing Arthur to let go of his arm. And frown with a mix of anger and guilt.<br/>
“It IS a big deal, Merlin. When did this start?” So Merlin was not caring too much about it. He cared too little. Arthur decided that was far worse.</p><p>Merlin looked at him oddly. “Do you mean, when I came to Austria or when the abuse started?<br/>
Because that´s a difficult question. It happens all the time. In every century. In every country. In almost every life.<br/>
If it´s not about love, it´s about magic.<br/>
If it´s not about medicine and how to use it correctly, it´s about looks.<br/>
Or the law. Or more generally, whatever floats their boat. </p><p>I´ve been hurt in Camelot too, If you would be so kind to remember. I have been imprisoned for helping friends, I have been tortured for information, I have been almost killed for protecting you or even your father.<br/>
The physical pain is actually less bothersome than the mental ones. Trust me.”</p><p>Arthur´s eyes widened. The “trust me” resonating in his head.<br/>
God, just what had happened to Merlin?<br/>
And pray tell, what the hell was Arthur doing here?<br/>
Here he was, the cause for all the pain Merlin ever endured and he had the audacity to stay just to determine if Merlin deserved his trust. </p><p>Arthur paled. “Why didn´t you -”</p><p>“Why I don´t say anything? Why I didn´t back then? Arthur, listen to yourself!<br/>
You know why.”</p><p>Arthur shook his head. “I really don´t, Merlin.”</p><p>Merlin took a deep breath, almost in outrage. Unbelievable.<br/>
“You come here, into my home, demanding that I get you an audience with the king!<br/>
As soon as you´re there, you ramble about love and how to make decisions for your country like an absolute madman!<br/>
I fear they´ll get you to the Narrenturm. It´s a lunatic asylum, Arthur!<br/>
They think you are crazy!<br/>
And that is the optimistic result. If they don´t do that, they´ll get you executed!</p><p>For god´s sake, I´m glad Joseph is going to lower the penalty, otherwise you´d be dead by now!<br/>
That is the danger you´re in and you don´t even notice. Even though I´ve told you multiple times to be careful!</p><p>Do you even know how many times I´ve saved your life? In your own time, I already have like – I don´t know, at least a dozen times, I´d assume. </p><p>And you know, all that would be fine, I could deal with all this, I could tell you about my problems, if your reason for coming here wasn´t so -”, Merlin suddenly struggled with the words, as he stood up in a frantic.<br/>
“- selfish.”, he finally concluded. Clearly upset.</p><p>Arthur´s mouth dropped open. Nobody had ever – literally ever – dared to speak to him like this.<br/>
How dare he!<br/>
“Selfish.”, Arthur slowly repeated, a dare unspoken in his eyes.</p><p>Merlin´s arms dropped to his side, as he spun around to look at Arthur directly.<br/>
“You really have no idea, do you?”, he asked, out of breath as though Arthur had punched him in the gut. </p><p>“These are different times, Arthur. You are not a king here. Normally, a man of your age and abilities would be in the military. Fighting unnecessary wars for his king. Or be a farmer and work on the fields.<br/>
And yet you arrive and immediately expect shelter and – a warm meal and information about this land and what to do and you´re asking ME! You´re relying completely on me. Because apparently, I am your only link to this time and place. But do you greet me with anything but a scowl?<br/>
Do you do anything but mock me, since you´re here?</p><p>You keep your distance from me as though I was poisonous or something. Whenever I use magic you look at me with disgust. Magic is who I AM Arthur. You look at me with suspicion, as though you don´t trust me.<br/>
Even though I am the only person you claim to have ever trusted!</p><p>And I was foolish enough to think you came here, because you wanted to see me. But no. You are a much younger you and you are selfish and ignorant and -<br/>
And sometimes I wonder if you even care at all or if you´re just trying to hide the fact that you do. Or if you knew me enough not to remind me of all the bad that´s happened in my life.<br/>
And now? Lately, all you´ve been is worried. You walk around me like on egg shells!</p><p>I know you had a reason to come here. I know you wanted an answer to a question, and that is what you got. But why are you still here, huh?<br/>
Don´t pretend like I don´t see the way you keep watching me. And you know, I´m not even sure it´s because you worry what I might do, or is it because you pity me.<br/>
How can I talk to someone who pities me? How can I trust someone who fears me? How can I talk to you, when you don´t listen, when you ignore what I say?”</p><p>Arthur blinked a few times, as he tried to gather his thoughts. He wasn´t pitying Merlin, was he?<br/>
He wasn´t staying because of that now, was he? And he didn´t fear Merlin, he feared the magic he – oh right. Merlin was magic, right. And he WAS listening. That was literally all he was doing lately. Or trying to at least. </p><p>“I don´t pity you.”, Arthur said and immediately regretted it, as he saw a red spot growing on Merlin´s chest, where a wound had been reopened from his anger.<br/>
Arthur winced as he was taken off guard. </p><p>Merlin huffed in disbelieve.<br/>
“Are you serious?!”, he asked, his voice laced with fury. “I do see you, Arthur Pendragon!<br/>
And I know why you pity me. Why you worry so much. It´s not because we´re friends, it´s not even because you like me.<br/>
It´s because you saw how I died and didn´t stay dead. You see the wounds, minor one´s compared to what I´m used to and you wince!<br/>
And you look at me like you´re ashamed. Like it´s your fault. Which it isn´t by the way. Not all of them, at least.” Merlin looked down at his chest, hissing as he finally realized the bleeding and went to a small chest at the other side of the room to get out some bandages. </p><p>Arthur and Merlin were both silent for a while.<br/>
Until Arthur dared to answer quietly. “Do you blame me for caring about you?”, he asked, unsure if his words were the best thing to say. But he failed like Merlin was being – well fair, but also unfair at the same time.<br/>
But Merlin´s shoulders sagged as he relaxed slightly at those words. </p><p>Merlin stilled, head hanging low, as he finally pulled his chest up and started treating his already scarred chest. Hell, where did that burn come from?<br/>
“Not really. I just -”<br/>
Merlin finally sat down on his bed again, while Arthur waited for another shout. Up until this conversation, he hadn´t even listened to Merlin, Arthur realized. He hadn´t sat down to talk about other timelines much. He had always only asked how life was here. What he needed to learn to be allowed to stay.<br/>
He hadn´t asked Merlin how he would feel about that. He had been thinking solely about himself.<br/>
He never even asked if it was okay that he stayed with him.<br/>
He hadn´t listened at all. Only when it was convenient. Great, now he felt guilty again.</p><p>“I missed you.”, Merlin said quietly. So quiet in fact, that Arthur almost missed it. Was he hearing things?<br/>
“You did?”, he asked, utterly confused and surprised by the sudden change of atmosphere. It had changed from lecture angry to vulnerably quiet.<br/>
The older version of him hadn´t been gone for THAT long, now, had he?<br/>
“The version of you that isn´t overwhelmed when I hug you.”, Merlin deadpanned, rolling his eyes. </p><p>“You mean, the version that loves you.”, Arthur said, knowing exactly what Merlin meant. Ah yes, there it was again, the pity he had for Merlin.<br/>
Merlin looked at him, eyes squinted. Then he sighed. “Stop looking at me like that. It´s difficult  enough to feel this way already. Because I really shouldn´t.<br/>
Not for a prat such as you.<br/>
I can´t change it though. I was born to be always at your side. When you´re not here, it´s like -“, Merlin trailed of. </p><p>Arthur kept staring, eyes wide. Born to always be at his side? What the hell was Merlin talking about?</p><p>Merlin coughed. “Sorry. I´m probably a bit overworked. I didn´t mean to let that out on you.”</p><p>“You have literally no reason to apologize. I feel like I should be the one to apologize to you.<br/>
You really do love me, don´t you?”, Arthur finally dared to ask. The sinking feeling in his gut getting bigger and bigger. Why was he asking that? Why did he need to know?<br/>
He already DID know, didn´t he?!<br/>
He felt ashamed, simply, because he didn´t return those feelings.<br/>
He couldn´t even imagine he ever would. </p><p>Merlin bit his lip, before he nodded. That felt like a hit to the stomach, Arthur already regretted asking.<br/>
Suddenly, he felt the urge to hug his servant. He didn´t like seeing him so sad. Not after what happened in Salem, or Ealdor, or with the poisoned chalice.<br/>
He walked over, to sit next to his friend. But Merlin just gave him a tired look. </p><p>“If you´re going to hug me now, I will kiss you, you know that, right?!”, he said, knowing exactly what Arthur had intended to do. It was a threat, but somehow, it also sounded like a promise. Weirdly enough.<br/>
So Arthur raised his hands in defense. Deciding not to go through it then. </p><p>Merlin sighed. “You know. You keep sending me mixed signals. You could do me the favor and at least tell me right away that you don´t like me and that that´s it.<br/>
I can handle rejection better than someone who doesn´t know what he wants.”</p><p>Arthur blinked. But he had told Merlin that he didn´t -<br/>
Wait no. That wasn´t quite true.<br/>
Because he was waiting for Merlin to ask him. To make him choose.<br/>
Up until now, Merlin hadn´t asked him anything. Arthur was asking himself those questions, because he knew it was destiny that at one point, he would choose to be with Merlin.<br/>
So he avoided answering them in the first place.</p><p>He was waiting for his feelings to change while – at the same time - he fought against them.<br/>
But he wasn´t – he hadn´t actually decided to say “NO. I don´t want to. Just because it´s my future, doesn´t mean it´s my present.”<br/>
Yet again, Arthur was waiting. Waiting for something to change within him. He wondered if it might happen, as soon as Merlin asked. But he couldn´t know for sure. He couldn´t make out anything different about himself. Which meant, he didn´t like Merlin in that way at all, now. Was it?</p><p>When would that happen?</p><p>He found, Merlin was right. He was pitying the man. The sorcerer who had been hung. Probably not for the first time. He had died as well. And he had come back.<br/>
And Arthur was starting to confuse pity with care.<br/>
That´s what confused him. And made him mistake the pity for changes in his heart. </p><p>Arthur sighed. “I suppose, it would be better if I leave then, right? I´m sure an older version of me would come through that door soon, wouldn´t he?”</p><p>Merlin send him a confused look. “I don´t mind you being here, you just need to stop confusing me.”, he said simply and Arthur bit his lip. This was Merlin asking him to choose. This was it, wasn´t it? What he had dreaded? Merlin needed an answer, he realized. He deserved one, too.<br/>
He couldn´t exactly say he didn´t like Merlin. Because clearly, that was destined to change, wasn´t it? And saying he didn´t like him at all, already felt like a lie.<br/>
Arthur found, he had rarely ever liked anyone at all as much as he liked Merlin.<br/>
Was it so hard to imagine, so hard to accept - </p><p>Merlin kept looking at him, waiting for an answer and Arthur was contradicted in his heart. None of it made sense. This should be easier. He knew for a fact this should be easier. He should be saying no. The thing was. He found that he couldn´t.</p><p>He wasn´t sure. And he didn´t want to hurt Merlin. </p><p>And then his mind simply stopped the process of his mind trying to understand his heart. It blocked every attempt. </p><p>But Merlin kept looking and Arthur began to panic. It was getting worse. His heart rate picked up, as he tried to regather his thoughts, but it had already been so long.<br/>
And he still wasn´t even close to have an answer.<br/>
And Merlin was still waiting, as though he was about to realize something. To guess something that Arthur wasn´t sure of. And maybe about to do something that scared Arthur. Slowly, Merlin came closer to Arthur, locking eyes with him and Arthur felt his panic rise to the max. He could see deep into Merlin´s eyes. Could see the blue, but also the small specks of gold that lingered beyond.</p><p>Arthur was frozen in his spot. Unsure if he wanted to try whatever was going to happen or just leave and disappear into thin air. </p><p>Next thing he knew was that the room was suddenly colder, and the ringing in his ear replaced with ticking.<br/>
Arthur let the clock fall to the floor. Heart rate still far over the top.</p><p>He had messed up.</p><p> </p><p>------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur decided, not to visit the clockroom again, until he felt ready to confront Merlin. Dream- Merlin that is.<br/>
At the same time, he had decided to see those visions as possible realities. Even if they weren´t real, they were now part of his life. And had great influence in it. Obviously.<br/>
So – to Arthur at least – they were real. How his mind came to a calm solution for that, he didn´t really know.<br/>
It was probably just easier finding solutions to that question now, that Arthur had a whole different one to worry about. </p><p>And the worst part about that question was – well. Seeing Merlin everyday.<br/>
The man knew nothing about Arthur´s inner struggles. But Arthur couldn´t know if Merlin loved him already, if it was a potential future or if the whole clock thing was a reality only to be seen by Arthur himself.<br/>
So, Arthur was back to treating Merlin oddly again. </p><p>Oddly, meaning that he began dressing himself on random occasions. When he couldn´t handle looking at Merlin, when he was only half naked. It made him fidgety, sweaty and nervous.</p><p>Also, all those hunts to find random sorcerers that invaded the city took their toll on him. Because Arthur´s view on magic had slowly began to change.<br/>
For once, Arthur didn´t take Merlin with him on such missions.<br/>
Even if they were in Camelot itself. Possibly in the home of one particular maidservant and her father.<br/>
Arthur hated to arrest Tom the blacksmith. But this was his duty. He had to do this.</p><p>He hated that when Morgana and him were discussing with his father, he had to take his father´s side.<br/>
He hated that Uther took his words and twisted them like a knife against Morgana who was only trying to defend the father of her best friend.<br/>
He hated that the lump of Gold he had found was proof enough to condemn any man to death.</p><p>He hated that as soon as he tried to reason against his father, suddenly his word held no meaning anymore. </p><p>And he hated that his father condemned a man of guilt, before the trial was held. That was not just. That was not fair. And he wished Morgana or him had pointed that out.<br/>
But against the wrath and hate of his father, there was no antidote. </p><p>Fact was, that his father was right about Tauren, the man who the blacksmith allegedly conspired with. He was a dangerous man. And he had to be caught and judged.<br/>
Arthur wished so desperately, he would just find one man, one sorcerer, (or sorceress) who could proof to him that magic could be used for good. </p><p>In THIS world. If that ever happened to be Merlin, even better. Someone he knew and trusted, at least.<br/>
Because Arthur knew, changing the law was difficult. But under some circumstances, necessary. And Arthur wished for a better, a fairer kingdom.<br/>
And it had to be him to change it. Or make his father see reason. </p><p> </p><p>---------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur and Merlin were in his room, when a group of men was escorted to the Square. They were to be executed. All of them accused to conspire with Tauren.<br/>
Merlin pointed at that, irritating Arthur, who had been hoping he could just ignore the noise.<br/>
He couldn´t, not really.<br/>
“Yes, Merlin.”, he confirmed, slightly annoyed by his latest mental conflicts. </p><p>“By order of the king?”</p><p>Who else, you idiot?<br/>
“They committed a serious crime.”, he said instead. Trying to put on his princely facade in front of Merlin. Arthur did everything to not look into his eyes for a while. </p><p>“Giving a man a bed for the night?!”</p><p>Arthur decided, maybe he should push now. “Not a man. A sorcerer.”<br/>
He waited for Merlin to say something against that. That a sorcerer as well was a man. That sorcerers could be good. And that giving one a bed would simply be kindness, but Merlin did no such thing.<br/>
“Maybe they didn´t know that.”<br/>
Oddly enough, that stung. How could Merlin betray his own kind like that? How could he talk like that was the only thing that bothered him?</p><p>“It´s not for you to question my father´s actions. Is that understood?”<br/>
Especially not, when you´re going to pretend this doesn´t affect you at all. Arthur added in his head.<br/>
“Yes, Sire.”  Arthur dismissed him. </p><p>And then, one day later, Tom was confirmed to have tried to escape. The guards had killed him.<br/>
The blacksmith was dead. And everyone who knew him devastated.<br/>
Arthur felt horrible. He couldn´t persuade his father, he couldn´t save Tom, he didn´t even get another chance to trial the man´s way out of the cell. Because the trial was never held, damn it!<br/>
Arthur had an entire speech and all!!!! </p><p>Maybe, he could at least do something for Guineviere. She was – parentless now. And if nobody made sure to get their stuff sorted out, she might soon be homeless.<br/>
That he could do.<br/>
That was the only thing he could do now. </p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>He knocked on Merlin´s door. Or rather Gaius´ door. However, he knew that the physician wasn´t here at this time of the day, so he hoped he´d find both Merlin and Gwen here.<br/>
Surely, Gwen was here. Because Morgana had told him that she was. </p><p>“Sire!”, Gwen said, as she saw him and she stood up in a respectful manner. Like servants normally did. Wait, didn´t 2020 Merlin tell him he was going to wed her one day?<br/>
Shit – that´s like – two of his future relationships in one room. Arthur screamed internally.<br/>
Good thing he was quite good at hiding his nerves. </p><p>“Guineviere. I … want you to know that your job is safe. And that your home is yours for life. I guarantee you that. I know that under these circumstances it´s not much but, erm, anything you want, anything you need, all you have to do is ask.”<br/>
God that was formal bullshit, he decided. Leave, Arthur leave. </p><p>Arthur was about to, but turned back once more.<br/>
“I´m sorry.” Finally something sensible, you block of -</p><p>“Thank you, Sire.”, Gwen said and tilted her head in surprise and confusion. </p><p>Arthur nodded uncomfortably and left. </p><p>...</p><p>The next thing Arthur did, was get Morgana out the dungeons as soon as he heard of her´s and Uther´s fight. Nothing but emotional work, today, he thought bitterly.</p><p>But he wished, he had been the one to kill Tauren, a couple of days later. Not Morgana, to save the king. Arthur wished he could have protected his father himself.<br/>
As he heard what almost happened, he almost had a heart attack. He was too young to loose a father. And decidedly too young to be king himself. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------</p><p> </p><p>Despite Arthur´s sudden desire to learn about magic. There was one thing he had barely put any thought in since the unicorn:<br/>
Magical creatures. (Apart from Merlin and what he may or may not feel for him. Seriously, it´s been days and Arthur still didn´t know why he felt so – undecided.)</p><p>Then Sir Bedivere died on the latest hunting trip. Bitten by the questing beast. </p><p>To discuss the issue, Merlin, the knights, and Arthur returned to Camelot to speak to Uther and Gaius. Who, surely, would know more about this creature.</p><p>While Gaius explained what it was and casually mentioned how it was seen the day Arthur´s mom died -<br/>
Like seriously, why would such a beast appear because someone´s mom died?<br/>
People died all the time. Surely not every time someone died a questing beast appeared?!</p><p>Anyway. This beast did sound dangerous. Myth or not, they had to keep the people of Camelot safe.<br/>
And should Arthur worry that Morgana ran outside, barely dressed to shout at him to stay here? Because she was afraid he would die?<br/>
Nah. Morgana was no sorcerer. And she certainly couldn´t see the future. Not before her own death at least and only if one of the clocks responded to her. </p><p>Arthur dismissed it as a dream. But he decided he would heed the warning at least. They needed to be careful. </p><p>That however, didn´t stop him from being scratched by the beast. Even though he managed to kill it.<br/>
Wait – wouldn´t Merlin feel that? Was this even okay?<br/>
Good thing he had passed out soon after that, or else he´d have to have a very serious discussion with himself. </p><p>Long story short: Arthur survived. Thanks to Gaius of course.<br/>
And all he could remember from his dream like state was a soft voice whispering to him. Telling him what a great king he would one day become. Right, he was destined to fall in love with Gwen too. Maybe Gwen already was with him.<br/>
Arthur wasn´t, he decided. At least not yet. But he had almost died just now, so he could afford to linger in the warm feeling of being valued and loved.</p><p> </p><p>------------------------</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden, his good mood turned sour again.<br/>
Because Merlin had come to his chambers to talk to him. </p><p>“You still haven´t got it yet, have you? I decide when we need to talk.” Seriously, Arthur hoped this wasn´t what he thought this could be. Don´t confess, please don´t confess, don´t -</p><p>“Not today.”</p><p>“I sometimes wonder if you know who I am.”<br/>
“Oh, I know who you are.”<br/>
“Good.” Somehow, Arthur found, Merlin probably knew him better than anyone else. He knew him without the title, after all. As a simple man. As simple as a crown prince could be, at least. </p><p>“You´re a prat. And a royal one.”</p><p>Arthur wondered if he should hit Merlin or laugh. Or both. Both sounded nice.<br/>
He decided to laugh. “Are you ever going to change, Merlin.” Pobably. If the clock was any indication. Still – not too much, if Arthur recalled correctly. </p><p>“No, you´d get bored. But promise me this, if you ever get another servant, don´t get a bootlicker.”<br/>
What was that about? Arthur had never even considered getting another servant. Merlin might be an idiot and clumsy on top. But they were still friends, right?<br/>
That was more important to Arthur than any other services Merlin could provide. That was a formal sentence, how did that sound like an implication?</p><p>“If this is you trying to leave your job ...”</p><p>“No. I´m happy to be your servant. Till the day I die.”</p><p>Okay. Arthur stared. Merlin WAS in love with him. There was no other explanation for this. The servant longest in Arthur´s care had stayed for 2 years, until Merlin came along.<br/>
No servant would lay their life down for Arthur. Not so many times and not so willingly. And they would definitely not devote their entire life to him.<br/>
Not when they weren´t well – devoted. Crap, he definitely needed to sort out his feelings and fast. </p><p>“Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin. Other times -”, he shook his head. What the hell was going on inside that thick head of Merlin´s? To just declare something like that. He sounded like he was about to get himself in deadly trouble. </p><p>“Well, I know you. And you´re a great warrior. One day, you´ll be a great king.”<br/>
Was this going to be the dreaded confession now? Hmm. Maybe Merlin WAS in deadly trouble. Confessing to a prince or king could – after all – cause him to be banned at least.<br/>
If Uther was up to it, execution wasn´t completely out of the options either.<br/>
Crap.<br/>
“That´s very kind of you.”, Arthur said calmly, hoping to avert the dreaded topic in his mind, but he was panicking in his head. </p><p>“But you must learn to listen as well as you fight.”</p><p>Arthur blinked. Okay?<br/>
“Any pointers?” He still waited, staring holes into Merlin´s weirdly prepared posture. Prepared for what?</p><p>“No. That´s all. Just … don´t be a prat.”<br/>
Seriously though, was Merlin dying?</p><p> </p><p>------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Merlin didn´t, in fact die. In fact, he lived long enough to inspect the hidden treasure in the vaults of Camelot with Uther, Gaius and Arthur. </p><p>But Arthur had to admit, he was a bit distracted at that point in the story. As Merlin and Cedric began fighting for the role as Arthur´s manservant.<br/>
Arthur never wanted to sack Merlin. But a jealous Merlin was surely entertaining. And annoying. But maybe something good would come of this. </p><p>Surely Merlin would try and prove that he was better suited for the position as his personal manservant, right?<br/>
Instead, he began fighting with Cedric, and insulting Arthur and slacking off even more. So the prince decided to let Merlin learn a lesson. At least for a couple of days. It was amusing really, to see how outraged Merlin was. Even though it was usually Merlin who complained he didn´t get enough rest. It was always him who asked for a day off. But now that Arthur was ready to give him one ….</p><p>Who would have thought Cedric was actually just a bounty hunter? A wicked one at that. And soon enough, cursed by Cornelius Sigan himself.<br/>
Somehow. Merlin had known and warned him. But with his behavior from the day before, Arthur didn´t believe him. It was all made up, right? And all that shouting was not very nice on Arthur´s ears. Of course he´d put Merlin in the cells. </p><p>But then, Merlin was proven right. And monsters, Gargoyles, attacked the castle. And Gaius warned they were immortal and he feared them. Because Arthur didn´t have the sword.<br/>
Instead, he had to get everyone to safety.<br/>
Especially Gwen, when she was so ridiculously brave to get out to get more water. She was braver than she looked, really.</p><p>For the first time, Arthur noticed a change. THE change. The change he had been looking for. But it wasn´t for Merlin, he knew.<br/>
He cared for Gwen. He wanted her safe. He hadn´t even looked twice, before he went to help her.<br/>
Maybe it had been her words, when he was sleeping from the questing beast attack that had lulled him in.<br/>
Maybe it was just the fact that other people´s life were more important to her than her own. Maybe it was that she should swear vengeance on Uther for condemning her father to death, but didn´t.<br/>
She surprised him. That was the change. And he told her as much. </p><p>Soon enough, he went against his father to safe some of the people who hadn´t made it to the citadel.<br/>
In doing so, he was left outside, alone with the creatures that wanted his head. And that could not be killed.<br/>
He was attacked, and he hit his head very hard. In a half wake state, he tried to move, but was paralyzed with dizziness, as he couldn´t move at all. </p><p>“But it must hurt so much to be put upon, so overlooked, when all the while you have such power.”, he heard a foreign voice say, as his ears finally lessened their awful ringing sound.<br/>
And he heard Merlin answer. “That´s the way it has to be.” No it didn´t?<br/>
“Does it? You're young, Merlin. Look inside yourself. You have yet to discover your true power. I can help you. Think, Merlin. To have the world appreciate your greatness. To have Arthur know you for what you are. “<br/>
To know you for what you are. To know you for what you are. To know you for what you are.<br/>
Who are you, Merlin? Arthur asked himself, as he had thought when Merlin had asked him not to get a bootlicker for a servant. Wait a second. That´s exactly what Cedric had been. No wonder Merlin was so mad about the whole affair.<br/>
Affair. Seriously, Arthur. Choose better words to describe your situation, please.  </p><p>(…) “You´d rather be a servant.”   To the day I die, Arthur thought Merlin would answer. But he passed out before he could hear what Merlin really said.<br/>
The next day, he would think it had been a strange dream. That just made him doubt the magic part of the whole encounter, however. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------</p><p>Nobody really knew how it truly had ended. But he had the vague feeling that he should be thanking Merlin. </p><p>And now he didn´t have a servant anymore. Time to get Merlin his job back. </p><p>Arthur had originally hoped that something good would come of Cornelius spells.<br/>
Talking about him to Gaius, which he could now, since he finally had another reason then, “I went to the clockroom that my father had forbidden me to enter and secretly used magical items ever since”, proved to be disappointing. </p><p>But it explained a lot. Cornelius Sigan was obsessed with immortality. That´s why Gaius had warned Uther. .<br/>
It explained why the clockroom truly was made. Sigan wanted to live forever. How to better do that than create a room where you could visit anyone you knew after your demise.<br/>
Which would mean that Sigan had never planned for Arthur to enter the room.<br/>
He had never meant to bring Arthur to the good side of magic. </p><p>Arthur was amazed and calmed down at the prospect. At the assurance, that his visits had not been ruses or tricks to convince him of anything.<br/>
His dreams were his dreams. And his alone. Finally, one question solved. </p><p>For once, Arthur found himself calming enough, to return to his normal behavior.<br/>
He deserved a break, he decided.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Resources:</p><p>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Timeline<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:To_Kill_the_King<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:Le_Morte_d%27Arthur<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Curse_of_Cornelius_Sigan</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Guineviere</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay, so - I know I´m starting to follow the plot lines a lot. But that´s only, because all of this happens from Arthur´s perspective and he´s very much - not intact with his feelings because he´s bottling them up the entire god damn time. <br/>Which is, why this time you´ll get a glimpse in YOUR future as well ;) <br/>At this point I´m not sure if this story will work out the way I want to tho D:</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Falling  love with Gwen was – something. <br/>Arthur hadn´t even thought about it. Not even considered it would happen. Especially not now of all times. But it did. <br/>And just, because he had decided to let himself be treated like any other knight.<br/>It was funny, because Arthur would have expected, that if he fell in love during the tournament, surely, this was the time for Merlin to shine? At least, when you consider how much time they spend together, or how much Arthur depended on him during the event.<br/>Where he would hide as Sir William and pretend to not be royal for once. Well – still a royal. Just not as royal as before. </p><p>Arthur had chosen this occasion to prove his worth as a fighter. That people won´t be blinded by his status. Merlin was the one  who always spoke against him. That´s all Arthur ever wanted. Of course he would fall in love with someone who treated him like such a person.  </p><p>And yet he found, Merlin was no better than anyone else. Merlin was telling him what he wanted to hear. He told him he was a worthy knight, even asking Arthur what he wanted Merlin to say, when Arthur questioned if Merlin believed he could win against Sir Leon. Which he COULD, definitely. Arthur knew that. Except, he didn´t really.<br/>Why or since when this form of obedience had become Merlin´s routine, Arthur didn´t know. But he decided that he didn´t like it much. Actually no. He hated it.</p><p>But he was grateful that Merlin had decided to help him with his disguise. Even if the extend to that was mostly giving him worn clothes (Merlin´s own, he washed them SPECIALLY.), hiding him with Gwen, hiring a peasant who could barely wear chain mail and otherwise, doing his normal duties (actually twice his normal duties, because he had to clean two sets of armor, and that was when you didn´t count the doubled work load Gaius put on him additionally. But who was Arthur to think about such a thing). Also Merlin was way too amused by his situation. </p><p>Arthur found himself annoyed enough to decide that he didn´t need an answer to future Merlin´s questions yet. In fact, if Merlin kept acting like a bootlicker and an asshole at the same time, his decision might actually come easier to him. </p><p>Hiding with Gwen. That – was an idea that he was surprised to hear from Merlin. But it had been a fantastic idea. It still was a genius one.<br/>Arthur hadn´t expected to be told how arrogant he was. He hadn´t expected for Gwen to be so blunt to him. Not after she had been so nervous to even let him in. <br/>But she did. She questioned him. She questioned the reasons for why he was even doing this.</p><p>While Merlin kept insulting him on his arrogance and bickered with him about every little thing, Gwen challenged him. <br/>Made him feel regret for being so rude. She made him see how arrogant he was. She treated him like a person. Not a friend, not someone whose destiny she knew of. But someone that she could speak sense into.<br/>She understood his position, she knew what she said was treasonous, but when Arthur basically asked her to tell him the truth, she didn´t hold back. </p><p>And that´s when Arthur noticed how his feelings for her changed. He wasn´t really falling for her. He was stumbling into love and she kicked him just for good measure. </p><p>She made him see reason and that made him see her differently. It made him want her to see him differently too. Though, admittedly, his solution to cook her dinner was not his best idea. Especially since he panicked with his pride and made Merlin solve his problem. <br/>And then she called him out on it AGAIN. And that´s when Arthur knew it was too late to turn back. Too late to back out. Because even her values, even her believes equaled his own. If not, surpassed his. </p><p>There was a fondness that spread within him, that grew slowly and suddenly at the same time. <br/>And it was such a beautiful and difficult thing, because he knew they could never be. <br/>That didn´t change the fact that she sounded exactly like the kind of queen he would love to have at his side.</p><p>And that also calmed his distracted mind. Because he knew now, that he loved Guineviere. He was in love with her. <br/>Whatever his deal with future Merlin was – it could wait. <br/>Because he KNEW he loved Gwen. And knowing that made him realize what answer he would give, should Merlin ever decide to confess to him now.  <br/>His heart had made it´s decision. </p><p>So, he could kiss Gwen without feeling guilty. All he felt was love and fondness and he hoped that Gwen could understand that. That she felt it too. <br/>And he wished, he wouldn´t have to ever give it up. But he was prince Arthur. For the first time in his life a part of him wished, he wasn´t.</p><p>However, it was a fact. His first priority now weren´t his feelings. That´s not why he came here. No. He had to prove his worth as a knight. As a prince. As a future king. <br/>To himself. He had everything to prove. He didn´t want to rely on the future he had seen, where he would die, killed by a dragon. <br/>No. He had to be stronger than that. He needed to be strong enough to survive. Even stronger, to be the ruler he wanted to become. </p><p>A bummer he couldn´t rub his award in his knight´s faces. Actually, maybe he was a bit glad about that. After all – he strove to be a humble king. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------</p><p> </p><p>Weeks later, Morgana was attacked. Or so Uther believed. Arthur wasn´t so sure about that. <br/>Magic, in the castle. With no one noticing?<br/>He couldn´t exactly rule out the possibility, though. He knew evil sorcerers existed. <br/>Nimueh had been one of them. <br/>However, Arthur desperately wanted to believe that whatever had happened had been some innocent little accident, but the whole window blew up. The curtains of Morgana´s bed were on fire. And maybe the nightmare she had was also caused by magic. <br/>Arthur knew a little about magical dreams after all. <br/>She could have been hurt.</p><p>So he did everything to help her. That didn´t exactly stop him from noticing that Merlin brought her – flowers. <br/>Well, that was unexpected, he decided. (And totally out of context. )He had thought Merlin´s devotions were directed solely at him. If Merlin´s little “until the day I die” speak counted for anything. <br/>It did. In Arthur´s book. It did a great deal actually.<br/>And then there was the fact that Merlin had the audacity to insist that he would never lie to him, while he was outright lying to him about flowers!</p><p>Didn´t Merlin know he was hurting Arthur´s pride with that? Didn´t Merlin CARE at all?<br/>He made a mental note to ask future Merlin about it. <br/>He had gotten too comfortable avoiding the man, he realized. He should visit him again. Give him the answer he deserved.</p><p>However, he still didn´t have time to think much about it. He would tease Merlin about the flowers of course, but nothing more. Even though a part of him enjoyed that Merlin liked Morgana, another part questioned whether or not this was going to change the future. </p><p>Or if this was finally proof that the whole clockroom situation was just a ruse to begin with.<br/>Anyway. His father had ordered him to make a list of where sorcerers and druids were last be seen. So they could find out who attacked Morgana. They also had to arrest them. As many as possible. Somehow, Arthur was surprised there even were so many “suspected sorcerers” left in Camelot, as Uther liked to call them. </p><p>Anyway, he wasn´t sure if he liked this turn of events. <br/>But when Morgana disappeared, he couldn´t afford to think about mercy or helping them. No matter how much it hurt that his father decided he would kill ALL prisoners, unless Morgana was found. He HAD to find her.  <br/>Arthur had no choice but abandon all his doubts and do as he was told.<br/>They had to find Morgana. And kill the ones that kidnapped her. And fast.</p><p>Just where the hell was Merlin during all this? He couldn´t be upset about Morgana the entire time now, could he? Just because he liked her -<br/>Arthur liked Guineviere, and you didn´t see HIM walking and stalking around her and bringing her flowers and drying her tears for her missing friend. (Though he would, if he had the time.)</p><p>Wait – if he truly liked her, why wasn´t he insisting on helping with the search?</p><p>In the end,  it turned out to be the druids who kidnapped Morgana. They were peaceful people?! Why would they do such a thing?<br/>At least, Morgana was in her chambers again, safe and sound.</p><p>And god, hopefully Merlin would stop flirting with Morgana soon, or else Uther would kill him. And – back he was at that topic. Great. In a way, Merlin´s affections for Morgana were similar to his problem affections for Gwen. <br/>They both couldn´t –be with the one they loved. Hmm. At least now Arthur could confide in Merlin again. Maybe. Finally everything made sense again. Finally he wasn´t worried about the future anymore. Or about Merlin.</p><p>Which is why he decided it was fine to visit the future once more. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>2060<br/>a random Tuesday</p><p> </p><p>It was a rainy day that greeted Arthur. The sun was already hanging low in the sky, barely visible through the dark clouds and the colorful rainbow that glimmered faintly in the distance. <br/>Everything was grey. Except, of course, for the LED signs that roamed the tarred street. </p><p>There were no cars puffing their toxic gasses in the air. It smelled like fresh bread. Even though Arthur was fairy sure, the next bakery should be – far, far away. <br/>Families were seen walking the streets. Some of them whispering to each other. They discussed a law that bettered all of their life´s apparently. Or made it worse. That was not specified, as the two men were arguing. While holding hands. But that´s besides the point.<br/>It had something to do with cars and trains and public traffic, but Arthur wasn´t listening. </p><p>He was searching over their heads for a familiar face. <br/>Strange, though. He had landed so far in the future again. How could he answer to – well – whatever had happened last time, when so much time had already passed?<br/>And why weren´t people staring at him? They usually always did. If not with disgust or shock then at least with curiosity.</p><p>Arthur pondered this, until this one child ran right through him. Literally. <br/>Startled, Arthur felt himself be pulled backwards, as the whole world around him wobbled in visible waves. Arthur turned on his spot, heart rate speeding up, as  the child didn´t even apologize. <br/>What the hell was going on?<br/>So far, he could ALWAYS interact with his surroundings! Why now of all things – couldn´t he?<br/>Something was wrong. <br/>Was he, in the end, right? Was the world changing? Was the future changing, because Arthur loved Gwen?</p><p>Merlin, maybe Merlin would know? Where was Merlin anyway?</p><p>“Yes. Yes. I got it, I got it. You win.”, an old man laughed. Somehow his voice caught Arthur´s attention like no other. <br/>He did recognize that voice. He sounded like the old man. The one he had met on his second travel through the time. And yes, he also looked the part. Even though – he did have less beard.<br/>Merlin was old. Oh god, just how much time was left till the end of the world?</p><p>“I TOLD you! I´m the best at chess.”, a small voice cheered. And Arthur heard a boy laugh at Merlin. <br/>“Maybe I just let you win, you would never know.”, Merlin replied slowly, calmly. </p><p>“As if! You couldn´t beat me, if you were a wizard.”<br/>“Oh, but what if I was?”<br/>“I just told you, you couldn´t beat me then, either.”</p><p>Merlin shook his head with a grin and began rearranging the chess board. </p><p>“So, how is school coming along?”, Merlin asked, as the boy had began to mimic his actions and began rearranging his side of the chess board as well. </p><p>Arthur stepped closer. Merlin should notice him, right?<br/>The boy was tiny. Maybe eight years old. With designer shoes and clothes, blond hair and blue eyes and a crooked smile.<br/>Merlin – or – the old guy, Arthur felt it was easier to call him Emrys. It made him sound older. <br/>Emrys was waiting patiently for the boy to make his first move now. </p><p>“It´s fine, I think.”<br/>“But?” Emrys must have a reason for asking. And Arthur could see in the boy´s face that this question did pain him a bit. </p><p>“They still don´t talk to me. Just because I´m the president´s son.”, the boy pouted. <br/>“It´s because they believe you´ll be the next president. And you know your father made some – questionable laws. You can´t blame them. They might not be wrong about it.  <br/>That doesn´t make it right how they treat you. You are not your father.”, the old man said wisely, stroking his weirdly short beard and counterattacked the boy. </p><p>“I know, I know. But he banned flu shots. That´s good right?”, the boy asked, causing Arthur to blink. <br/>Merlin, he knew, was a doctor. Through and through. And he remembered a small rant of Merlin about a genius healer, what time was that in again? Merlin must have told him in 2020, because that was the only time that Merlin had referred to certain events in this calendar system. <br/>In 2020 there had already been a heated debate about Vaccinations and if they were healthy or not. </p><p>Except, it wasn´t actually a debate. It was just a bunch of paranoid parents, insisting their children shouldn´t be vaccinated. Anyway, apparently Merlin had traveled with this guy called …. er – what was his name again?<br/>Edward Jenner. The man apparently made some experiments with illnesses and cows and invented the first vaccine. Somewhere between the 18th and 19th century. Merlin wasn´t very good with keeping dates. The guy counted in centuries.</p><p>Anyway, the whole thing had been a milestone in human history. And many different forms of vaccines had been invented later on. The rough idea, as Arthur understood, was to get the body used to dead cells of the mini warriors that caused the sickness. (Merlin´s description, not Arthur´s.) <br/>So that the body could form antibodies that fought them. (Still sounded like magic to Arthur, but Merlin said it was science. Honestly, when future Merlin started talking about medicine, he never stopped.)<br/>The dead cells were practically harmless to the human body. But some people feared the small chance that instead of being protected from the disease, they would get sick instead. </p><p>Honestly, what kind of logic was that anyway? When Arthur was given a charred shield in a fight, he wouldn´t throw it away just because he thought it might have splinters. He´d keep it to defend himself from the sword that would otherwise run him through.</p><p>Arthur shook his head at the memory. </p><p>“Actually, it´s not.”, Merlin looked at the boy quietly. The blond boy looked up, head tilted in question. <br/>“No?”, he asked. </p><p>“No. Vaccinations have saved many life´s. More than you could ever imagine. That your father banned them has caused a new wave of diseases. <br/>People are paranoid. They barely dare walk out their houses. Doctors are viewed as liars. I know, because I used to be one. So many life´s were lost due to your father´s paranoia.”</p><p>Merlin was talking directly. The boy blinked. Going pale with each word. “But – he forbid cars to drive in and out the cities and villages and -”<br/>Merlin sighed. “Yeah, that one is complicated, I admit it. It´s actually better for the climate that nobody is allowed to travel by anything but busses and trains today. <br/>Still – Everybody is watched by the police. Any suspicious actions overviewed, every movement documented. </p><p>We´re barely allowed to leave the houses to work and buy groceries or get some fresh air. But we´re locked in the cities, we have to announce it when we go somewhere. <br/>And pay triple the amount of money it´s worth.”</p><p>Arthur took a deep breath. <br/>The boy did too. “But – that is to protect the people! That´s what my father said!”</p><p>Merlin took a sip of his tea. There were two cups of it on the small table. <br/>“Does your father know you´re here?”</p><p>The child was silent. Mouth shut closed. <br/>“Do you understand why he doesn´t want you around me?”, Emrys asked, voice low and calculated. <br/>The boy looked up. “Because he thinks you´re a liar?”<br/>Emrys smiled, almost laughing at the kid. “That too. And he thinks I´m bad influence on you. <br/>Rich, coming from a guy who doesn´t even talk to his own son. <br/>But he has always been a grim old man. Even in his last lifetime.”</p><p>The boy tilted his head at Merlin once more. “His last lifetime?”<br/>Emrys laughed. “Say, what do you know about magic, Arthur?”</p><p>Arthur froze. Had Merlin finally noticed him? He certainly wasn´t looking at him. “Erm -”, Arthur began, but the boy was faster. <br/>“My father says it doesn´t exist.”, he said slowly. </p><p>Arthur frowned. The boy´s name was also Arthur?</p><p>Emrys laughed, then he held out his hands in front of him. Like he sometimes did in these lifetimes. Then his eyes glowed golden, the boy mesmerized by the color. <br/>And one moment later, there was a fire in Merlin´s hand. It formed a dragon, flying all around them with it´s bright wings and even Arthur Pendragon himself stared at it, thunderstruck. </p><p>Arthur had seen Merlin/Emrys use magic before. It was one of the things he turned his eyes from. But he usually used it to heal or to move a cup. Not to – make fire. Not to form it into shapes that flew around their heads. It was beautiful. <br/>Arthur tried to step forward again, to make himself noticeable, but somehow he found there was a wall between him and the scene. <br/>He couldn´t reach Merlin. Merlin didn´t even hear him. </p><p>In awe, the boy stood up, trying to touch the blazing dragon. There was a mix of fear and wonder in his eyes. But no disbelieve. Maybe, because he was a child and children still believed in magic. </p><p>Not that Arthur ever doubted the existence of magic. <br/>Emrys let the dragon disappear. “I have a long tale for you. But I´ll tell you about it another time. <br/>Don´t tell your father any of this. He won´t believe it. <br/>Let this be our secret, okay?”</p><p>Our secret. Arthur thought, as the boy nodded fast and with a bright grin. <br/>Our secret. Arthur´s mind repeated once more. Because how could he believe this? Merlin had NEVER confided in him about his magic. Not this soon, not at all. <br/>How did he trust a child more with his secret than Arthur himself?</p><p>“Can you teach me?”, the boy asked, giddy with expectations and happiness. <br/>But Merlin shook his head, sadly. “No, I can´t. You´d have to be born with it.”, the boy´s shoulders slumped in disappointment. <br/>“But don´t worry. You are the once and future president. One day, you will unite the world and be the greatest president this world has ever known.”</p><p>Arthur blinked. </p><p>“How can you say that?”, the boy asked shyly, clearly unsure about this level of sincere believe that Merlin always portrayed. <br/>But Merlin smiled. “Because you did it before. Back, when you were king.”</p><p>And then, it struck Arthur like a lightning bolt. The boy looked at him, eyes locking for only a second, but the boy SAW Arthur. The world around them faded black, only the boy left in this scene. </p><p>They didn´t even exchange a word, but Arthur knew who – what this boy was. THAT´s why he couldn´t interact with the people in this world! Because he already existed here. <br/>Because he was alive in this world. </p><p>Arthur´s mouth opened, but the boy stood up, every step echoing in the black nothingness that was this dream world. <br/>“Who are you?”, the boy asked and Arthur didn´t know what to say. <br/>“You´re the other me! You´re the king Dragoon told me about.” <br/>Arthur opened his mouth, but nodded without saying a word. Until : “how do you know?”</p><p>The young Arthur shrugged. As though he didn´t have an answer to that either. Then, he looked around, no doubt confused by the sudden blackness of this situation. </p><p>“I think – I just know.”, the boy said and Arthur nodded. Now, here, in this darkness, he felt it too. <br/>The boy looked around again, panicking slightly. He was still weirdly calm for a child though. <br/>“My father things he´s sick or – mentally ill.”, the boy finally asked, as though he thought he was allowed to confide in Arthur. <br/>As though Athur had all the answers for him. Arthur didn´t even have an answer for himself. He was left alone with his questions. </p><p>“You saw him use magic.”, Arthur pointed out, wondering why he even did that. <br/>The boy nodded. “Is he right about the other things though?”<br/>Alright, magic was not the boy´s issue. It truly was just the medicine stuff. How can one person be so okay with magic, but so reluctant about medicine?<br/>One was used to heal, the other to - <br/>Arthur blinked. No – that didn´t sound right. Merlin had used magic to heal, too. Then what was – what was the difference?<br/>Medicine was used to help people. It couldn´t also be used to kill -<br/>Gaius had potions in his room that were considered poison. Gaius use it for antidotes on toxines. </p><p>Arthur´s eyes widened once more. This time – magic was medicine.<br/>“He is.”, Arthur said slowly. “He´s a doctor.” A healer, a physician. “He knows what he´s talking about. <br/>Then, the boy frowned. “You think I should trust him? Against what my father says?”</p><p>Arthur gulped. This wasn´t directly about magic, this wasn´t about Arthur´s own struggles. <br/>“Father would never allow it”, he heard his own voice speak in his head. His father would never allow him to have a sorcerer servant. Let alone a sorcerer friend. <br/>He felt like he was advising himself whether or not to rebel against his father. </p><p>“Why don´t you just – listen to him. Mer – Dragoon talks to you. Let him speak. Form your own opinion. Let him show you what he can do. Let him show you who – he ….. is”, Arthur´s voice faded slowly at the end. </p><p>Then the boy smiled and nodded. </p><p>A second later, the boy was gone. And Arthur held the small falkon – the Merlin in his hand again. In his other hand though – there was a different object. One Arthur did faintly recognize. Though he couldn´t fathom where. <br/>It was a small thing. Merely an accessory. A bracelet. It was watch. Arthur blinked. He had seen that one before. Clearly, of course he had. It was golden, with a dragon embedded to it. <br/>“It tells the time.”, he heard a faint voice say. <br/>Merlin. This watch belonged to Merlin. Arthur blinked, as he looked around the clockroom. </p><p>It wouldn´t be able to leave this room, so he put some clocks off a small desk that stood close buy. He didn´t even care that he just spattered them all around the floor. Then he put the watch on the table.  </p><p> </p><p>------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Gwen was kidnapped by Hengist. Well – the captor thought she was Morgana, but she was still kidnapped. Arthur´s confusing thoughts were put on hold once more, as he went out against his father to safe her. He had to. For Morgana and for himself.<br/>It reminded him a lot of the moment, when Merlin drank poison for him and he went out to bring him a flower though. Wow when you phrased it like that – it sounded oddly romantic.</p><p>Seriously, could Merlin, Emrys, Dragoon – how many names did this guy have?- please leave his mind at rest?<br/>It was getting ridiculous with how many questions Arthur now had.<br/>Like – how on earth did Merlin manage to knock out two guards with barrels? From that far away?<br/>Or – magic? Maybe? Possibly?</p><p>It could have been funny, but it really wasn´t. Not with Guineviere´s life at stake. Not with Merlin openly using magic, when it could get him killed. In hindsight, maybe Arthur should have given him a plan to distract the guards after all.<br/>Arthur wouldn´t rest, and he certainly wouldn´t allow Merlin to rest, until Gwen was back in Camelot. </p><p>He hadn´t considered how obvious he was being.  <br/>Arthur thought he was more subtle than that. In hindsight it wasn´t that surprising. Surprising was the lack of jealousy that Merlin displayed. <br/>So – he really liked Morgana. That should be prove enough, right?</p><p>Merlin was a brave man. Not many, Arthur knew of, where this open with their feelings. At least not as open as Merlin was. A scared Merlin was almost always a given on expeditions such as this. And Merlin would never hid the fact that he was scared. <br/>Which is also, why Arthur made the excuse with the giant baby rats. <br/>It was kind of cute how Merlin looked at Arthur like a naive child. So different from the calm old man who had been hung and executed and murdered and – why was his mind bringing that up again?</p><p>Naive Merlin was still his favorite Merlin, Arthur decided. Arthur could still say he wasn´t depending on the servant. That Arthur was protecting him not the other way around. That it was an equal exchange of serving and protecting and not a sorcerer who had to hide him from modern world views that were so different from Arthur´s own that he almost got himself killed each time.</p><p>Arthur preferred it this way. With Merlin being his stupid clumsy little friend. Too scared for his own good. <br/>That didn´t stop Merlin from pointing out Arthur´s little secret.</p><p>„Gaia berries worked. Huh.“, Arthur said carelessly. He knew merlin would be upset about it. But Arthur couldn´t help it. For all they bickered, it usually lifted his mood. He was truly glad he had a friend at his side right now.</p><p>“You didn't know if they worked?”, Merlin looked shocked. Oh wait, had Arthur just betrayed his trust? After all . The Wildeoren did almost try to eat Merlin.</p><p>“Not for sure.”, Arthur answered honestly.</p><p>“Now you tell me?! Oh! Oh, what's that Wilddeoren eating? It's all right. It's just Merlin. You trying to get us both killed?” ….. okay maybe he had overstepped a boundary. Merlin did trust him, after all. And Arthur had known that when he had the idea to trick the Wilddeoren. Otherwise Merlin would have panicked, when the beast smelled on his face. How much trust did this guy have that he just faced a giant rat with Arthur without even trying to move or defend himself?<br/>How blind was Merlin?<br/>That had, indeed, been a close call, Arthur had to admit as much. But Merlin was a sorcerer, right? He could have handled the situation if it got worse, right? Maybe that was why he was so calm?</p><p>“I'm sorry. I shouldn't've risked your life like that.”<br/>“Well, they do say love makes you do strange things.” Arthur froze. Nope – Merlin was dense as hell. He couldn´t have picked up on that, right?</p><p>“What are you talking about?”<br/>“Why can't you just admit your feelings for Gwen?” Arthur scoffed. “Do you want a list?”, his mind supplied, but he didn´t say it out loud.</p><p>“It's so obvious. A blind man could see it. Is it really that hard to admit you like her? Just say it.”</p><p>Yeah right, as if he could do that.<br/>“I can't! How can I admit that I think about her all the time. Or that...I care about her more than anyone. How can I admit that...I don't know what I'll do if any harm comes to her?”<br/>Oh god. Just why had he admitted that to MERLIN of all people? Yeah right, the Morgana thing. Arthur knew that would lead up to something.</p><p>“Why can't you?”  Seriously, Merlin? You´re still ASKING?</p><p>“Because nothing can ever happen between us! To admit my feelings knowing that...hurts too much.”  Somehow, Arthur was reminded of a different scene in his head. While he knew, he was talking about Gwen. And he knew his feelings for her where true. Still, his mind was trying to compare it to a different scene. <br/>One where – Merlin had asked Arthur what he felt about him. Where he had asked for a clear answer. One that Arthur couldn´t give to him.<br/>This wasn´t why he couldn´t give an answer to that Merlin from that time, right? That hadn´t been the reason, right?</p><p>Arthur´s heart constricted at the thought. This wasn´t the right time to bring up that topic.<br/>He couldn´t just go and confront THIS Merlin about a dream – possible future – he had weeks, if not month´s ago but was yet so far in the future for this Merlin.</p><p>“Who's to say nothing can happen?”  <br/>Arthur stopped at that.  <br/>“We´re in an open relationship.” - he heard another Merlin say. “Just for Gwen and Freya, actually.”</p><p>Why was his mind referring to THAT! NOW? No. NO. Merlin didn´t even like him that way yet. Wait no – Arthur didn´t even like Merlin that way yet. </p><p>Yet? Arthur was starting to panic. This wasn´t good. Nor was it the right moment to think about any of this.</p><p>“My father won't let me rescue a servant. Do you honestly believe he'd let me marry one?” <br/> “You proposed to me literally in every lifetime where it wasn´t forbidden.” Arthur´s mind constricted. That wasn´t what he had meant. Why were there so many similarities between Gwen and Merlin? Seriously!</p><p>“You want to marry Gwen?”  Did future Arthur marry both of them? Wait – what was his mind saying? What was -</p><p>“No! No...I...I don't know...It's all talk, and that's all it can ever be.”, just like the dream. It´s all just talk – all just a dream. All in the future. All - <br/>If Merlin asked, Arthur would say no to him. If Merlin ever fell in love with Arthur, Arthur would reject him. He knew in his heart he would. Because he loved Gwen. He couldn´t love them both.</p><p>“When you're King, you can change that.”  Arthur choked internally.</p><p>“I can't expect Guinevere to wait for me.” And that was the truth.</p><p>“If she feels as you do, she'll wait for you.” Arthur could only stare at Merlin. Was Merlin – waiting – for him? Was he referring to himself? His future self wasn´t waiting for – holy shit he was. Was Merlin using Morgana as a distraction? For Arthur? Or himself?! God, this was getting complicated.<br/>“We don't even know if she's still alive.”<br/>“No, she is. We will find her.”  How on earth was Merlin okay with this? How was he so certain? Why did he believe and trust in Arthur so much?<br/>“Come on. We've got a long trek ahead. Oh, and Merlin...if you dare tell anyone about this, I promise I will make your life a living hell.” It was too much. Far too much. Arthur had just made his decision, why did Merlin have to step all over it with his talks about what Arthur wants. <br/>Was it really all just about what Arthur wanted?<br/>“You mean, more than you already do?”  Arthur could have winced. Must be hard, waiting for someone to like you back. How many centuries would Merlin wait? Arthur pondered. <br/>How long until he would realize it could never be? Was Merlin after all – just messing with Arthur in the future? Was he just – saying Arthur would one day love him back – because he hoped it would become true then? Maybe that would work one day?<br/>One day Arthur would walk into the future and fall in love with a Merlin that had manipulated him and that -</p><p>No, Merlin would never do that. Ever.<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“We could talk about your feelings while you walk.” Oh please don´t. Now was not the time. Arthur wasn´t ready. One again, he felt totally overwhelmed by his own stupid thoughts.<br/>“Shut up, Merlin.” Because really, what else could Arthur say now?</p><p>They climbed up the tower to get into Hengist´s castle and knocked out a few guards. <br/>Seriously, who even needs guards, if they don´t even know how to do their job? See an intruder, report or attack immediately. How hard could that be?<br/>And then all those comments from Merlin. If Arthur´s mind wasn´t rambling between comparisons of the two servants and his overflowing worry for Gwen, he would have laughed at them. <br/>In fact, they did ease his mind a bit. </p><p>Still – would Merlin ever – ever change?</p><p>Maybe when he was older he would. Maybe. When Arthur was reborn in a different lifetime – Merlin would be an old man with the name Dragoon and be calm and tell him everything he needed  to know. Long before he was old enough to be – was it president? What on earth was a president, again?</p><p>Oh wait – look. Lancelot was here too. And he was fighting a Wilddeoren. Great – his day was getting better and better. And now the chandelier was falling on their enemies. Was this castle falling into itself?<br/>They had to get out of here, as soon as possible. Through the tunnels! Wait – where was Merlin?! They ALL needed to get out of here.<br/>Argh, who cares. Gwen was his first priority. Merlin would follow him. He always did. <br/>They would make it out of here. All of them. He knew it. They just had to be fast.</p><p>He hadn´t expected Gwen to look at Lancelot like that. To hold his hand like that. <br/>What was that, Merlin? When Gwen felt for him as he did for her she would wait?<br/>She barely lasted a day.<br/>Arthur could have slapped himself. Heartbreak was – not funny. Not funny at all. Didn´t future Merlin tell him, he would end up with Gwen, too?<br/>Hadn´t he said so? Hadn´t Arthur doubted it before? Why was it breaking apart now! He hadn´t even had the chance to confess. <br/>He hadn´t even dared to voice his thought out loud until Merlin had practically forced him to. </p><p>Arthur was a coward. He should have known. And Lance had the audacity to THANK him for saving their life´s. And question why Arthur came to safe Gwen, despite the lack of knights. <br/>How could Arthur ever admit why he truly came?<br/>How could he say anything other than “I only came because Morgana begged me.” It was the biggest lie he had ever told. And it wasn´t honorable. <br/>But it was better than admitting the truth. Especially to the man Gwen really loved. He wouldn´t stand in their way. </p><p>Not, if Gwen had to wait for him anyway. Not when Arthur had to fight against his father first, to even be close to her. That wouldn´t be right.<br/>Just like that – his earlier inner conflict was forgotten once more. He loved Gwen and it could never be. <br/>He didn´t love Merlin. That WOULD never be. He had made that decision before. So why couldn´t he look either of them in the eyes anymore?</p><p>Even with Lancelot left, and Gwen heartbroken. The silence on their way home was suffocating. At least Morgana was happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>resources:</p><p>https://www.immune.org.nz/vaccines/vaccine-development/brief-history-vaccination <br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:Lancelot_and_Guinevere<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Nightmare_Begins<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Once_and_Future_Queen</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. trolls and silent nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I feel like I´m using too much canon. But the reactions are key to this story, so i have to. Sorry :/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If anything was weirder than Arthur´s own struggles with love, <br/>It was probably the fact that his father fell in love as well. For a man who always insisted that Arthur shouldn´t let his own life be directed and controlled by love, the king himself was utterly lost for lady Catrina. </p><p>And what made the whole thing even worse - <br/>Merlin seemed interested in her as well. Arthur felt – well – conflicted. He may not like Merlin like that. But he felt betrayed non the less. <br/>Not to mention that both Merlin and his father who were like – 30 years apart, if not more, had the same love interest. <br/>And what about Morgana? Was Merlin over her now too?<br/>Or was there another reason why Merlin was watching her – through a window. With a mirror. Disgusting.</p><p>Who was Arthur fooling? Of course Merlin was interested in her. <br/>She was – admittedly, beautiful. Just a bit old for either of them. Maybe a bit too young for Uther. But he was the king – Arthur had nothing to say to that. <br/>Though – the proposal of marriage was a bit sudden. </p><p>Arthur got himself dressed in his chambers. Pondering what this could mean. What Merlin´s behavior might mean to him. Or their possible future. Only four people were supposed to be involved with this. <br/>Arthur, Gwen, Merlin and this girl – Freya was her name?<br/>He didn´t even know who that was. </p><p>Now it seemed, there was also Lancelot and Morgana. And Merlin was apparently open to suggestions.... Seriously. Merlin was surprisingly dirty for someone so innocent. How on earth was Arthur ever going to fall for such a man?<br/>He shook his head. Maybe Arthur just needed to see how things unfolded themselves. Clearly, now was not the time to ponder about any of these future possibilities. </p><p>There was no knock at the door, when the devil himself walked into the room. Well – with the devil, obviously Arthur meant Merlin. Right, he had been meaning to ask his servant a few things. <br/>However, Merlin looked hesitant.</p><p>“Yes?”, Arthur asked, knowing whatever was coming now was either an apology, or a terrible suggestion Arthur would NEVER accept.</p><p>“Arthur. I´m going to tell you something. It´s not going to be easy.”</p><p>Right, of course. Was Merlin going to confess now? To Arthur? About whom? Clearly, there were at least four possible outcomes Arthur could think of right now.<br/>“Right....”, Arthur wasn´t sure he wanted to hear either of those. </p><p>“It concerns the lady Catrina.” Fuck. <br/>“You´re not using my chambers to spy on her again.”, smooth Arthur. Smooth.</p><p>“Oh, no. Trust me. I saw everything I needed to see.”<br/>That was hardly reassuring. “I´m sure you did.” Yes Arthur, keep things short. Don´t show him how these things affect you...</p><p>“Arthur. She´s a troll.” Arthur sputtered. Hell, of all the things... God, Merlin. Arthur couldn´t help but laugh. Out of relieve and well – that was actually it.</p><p>“She´s not that bad.”   </p><p>“I´m serious. She is. She´s an actual troll.”  No, okay, this was getting ridiculous. And then, as a hint of understanding came upon him, Arthur smiled. <br/>“Merlin, I know what you´re trying to do. And I appreciate it. You´re a true friend.<br/>But it´s not about whether I like her or not, it´s about what makes my father happy. <br/>And when they announced the wedding today, I realised that Lady Catrina does just that. She makes him happy.”  That wasn´t entirely the truth. But from Merlin´s perspective, it might just be.</p><p>“Well, he won´t be so happy when he discovers his wife´s a fruit munching monster.”</p><p>Now that just did it. “That´s enough, Merlin.” Now he was being unfair.</p><p>“But ...”</p><p>“She´s the future queen of Camelot whether you like it or not. So you better get used to it.”<br/>With that, Arthur walked passed him, out the door. <br/>Okay, now – Merlin was clearly not interested in lady Catrina. At least not anymore. <br/>But calling her a troll? That was a bit much. </p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p>Uther Pendragon and lady Catrina got actually married. Why Merlin ran in so late to the ordeal, Arthur didn´t know. Especially since he looked like had just mucked out the stables. His duties couldn´t be so important that he´d miss the wedding for that now, were they?</p><p>Only one day later, Merlin was accused to have stolen a seal that belonged to lady Catrina. Now, Arthur knew Merlin did some weird things then and again. But stealing something emotionally valuable was not something Merlin would ever do. <br/>This wasn´t how Arthur had expected things to unfold.</p><p>But now he had more pressing things at hand. Arthur had to get Merlin out of Camelot. He send the guards and knights to fedge Merlin from Gaius´ chambers, where Arthur knew he wasn´t. <br/>Because right now, Merlin was cleaning Arthur´s room. <br/>How could a man be stupid enough to – in a situation like this – insist on his troll story. Because that´s what Merlin did, when Arthur confronted him about the whole new issue. <br/>Merlin really didn´t seem like he knew anything about the seal.<br/>“I don´t care. You need to leave, Merlin!”  And it was true. </p><p>Arthur couldn´t bear whatever it was his father would have in store for Merlin, if he didn´t leave right this instant. And yet, Merlin remained in front of him. Hesitant to leave, even in a situation as dire as this. <br/>“Go!”, the guards were near. Merlin had to leave. It almost broke his heart a little, to see Merlin follow his order. Arthur watched him leave, his heart heavy. </p><p>Soon after, Arthur was going to report on Merlin´d disappearance. Hopefully, Merlin had made it out safely. <br/>Lady Catrina was surprisingly observant if his behavior. Calling him out on the fact, that Arthur postponed any actions that would lead to Merlin being caught. Truth be told, Arthur was impressed Merlin hadn´t been caught already. </p><p>But comparing him to his father? Insulting his ability as a leader? There was something wrong with this woman. And the way, his father sided with her, without even considering Arthur´s opinion. It was a familiar treatment. Yet somehow worse than usual. </p><p>Arthur´s guards even found a trail of Merlin soon after. Arthur could only pray Merlin would reach the northern borders soon. <br/>He was never going to see him again, was he? Arthur bit his lip. He didn´t like this at all. It spiralled out of his control way too fast.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>To make matters worse. Uther was clearly being manipulated by the woman. She asked for more money, more taxes. <br/>Arthur knew this would never end well. The people were poor. They already gave as much as they could. <br/>And having them flogged for not giving more? Arthur wasn´t sure he could stand by and watch this. This was simply too much. </p><p>He had just lost his best friend. Now turning on the people? Arthur wasn´t sure he could do that.</p><p>No, he was certain he couldn´t. <br/>When Arthur saw his knights in the street doing just what they were told. He couldn´t bear it. <br/>The relieved side glance of Gwen told him he was doing the right thing, when he changed the order immediately. </p><p>Only that lady Catrina wasn´t happy about that. And if she wasn´t happy. Uther wasn´t either.</p><p>So Arthur had to speak his mind.</p><p>“We´ve grown too soft. Remember, these are your subjects, not your friends.”, Arthur blinked. <br/>“And why can´t they be both?” alright, he was taking things too far, but he couldn´t help it. </p><p>“Because we rule the people, not the other way around.”<br/>Well this was just -<br/>“I think you´re wrong.”</p><p>“I beg your pardon?” His father looked startled, incredulous. After everything Uther had taught Arthur – really? He really believed what he did right now was okay?</p><p>Arthur knew he was right. He would stand by his word, no matter what. <br/>“I said you´re wrong. Without the people there is no Camelot. We´re as much their servants as they are ours.”</p><p>“You allow him to address you in this manner?” Who was lady Catrina to address ARTHUR like that? Seriously. The nerve. Merlin was right. She was a troll at heart. </p><p>“No, I do not. It will not be tolerated. You will take your men down into the town and go to every house collecting the payments I demand.”<br/>Arthur took a split second to decide on what he was going to say. But he couldn´t betray his believes. He couldn´t betray his people. <br/>“I will not.” That was all he had to say to that.<br/>“Get out of my sight.”  Arthur nodded bitterly and left. Dead set on keeping his final word.</p><p>---------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur once again, sat in his chambers, when Gwen came in. Interrupting his rattled mind about his father´s ignorance toward him. At least he saw someone nice today. <br/>Though she at least knocked, other than Merlin. He wasn´t sure this was the right time to face someone he loved. </p><p>But yet again, she proved him wrong. She assured him that Uther held no malice against him. She assured him that he would one day be a great king. Hard to believe, but it was encouraging none the less.<br/>“You´ve a kind heart, Arthur. Don´t ever change. Not for anyone.”  God, Arthur really did love her. If the situation wasn´t so dire and Leon hadn´t interrupted their moment so soon, well. He would have loved to at least kiss her. If only he could. If only Leon didn´t have such a ridiculous sense of interrupting emotional moments. </p><p>“The king has send for you.” God this couldn´t mean anything good.</p><p>And he was right. Because Arthur was revoked from the title as heir to the throne.<br/>Never in his life had Arthur felt so betrayed. So – invalued, invalidated for everything he had done and learned to become a worthy king. His father just betrayed him. And Arthur?<br/>He just lost his best friend, he had just lost his right to see the future. And his sole purpose for existing. <br/>He felt empty. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------</p><p> </p><p>She was an actual troll. Oh my friggin god, Merlin was right!<br/>And he had WARNED Arthur. And Arthur hadn´t listened. It would have been funny, if it wasn´t so – revolting. And if his father didn´t still insist that he loved her. <br/>Okay, admittedly it was a little bit funny.</p><p>So now, Arthur wasn´t completely stupid. This troll was using magic and Merlin had told him everything about it. And he hadn´t believed him. <br/>Oh friggin – Merlin was probably the only person who could revoke the spell. It must be some kind of love spell. Surely. That was – if Merlin actually had magic.</p><p>Arthur sighed. <br/>Even if Merlin was here. It wouldn´t be easy. </p><p>Unsurprisingly enough – Arthur wasn´t right. They didn´t need magic to break the spell. And Merlin did return. But it were Gaius and Merlin together, who offered the solution. <br/>Arthur was astounded. Merlin was clearly smarter than he had thought, when he managed to outrun the guards and stay in Camelot the entire time. </p><p>Like seriously. Had Merlin been sleeping under his bed this whole time? Merlin said he didn´t. Hearing that was one thing – Believing it, however -</p><p>And drinking poison to get to the “brink” of death to make his father cry.... Trusting Merlin to safe him with an antidote – god what Arthur wouldn´t do for Camelot. <br/>Because a troll as queen. And a greedy one at that – was hardly a good option. Arthur would rather die than let that happen. <br/>Arthur should probably remember that, in case he ever were to doubt his own abilities as future king.</p><p>To think it would work ….</p><p>That his father would seriously cry for him. That Arthur would survive. That the troll would die to leave his father devastated.</p><p>Seriously.<br/>Arthur needed a break. From his father, from a Merlin who tried to poison him. Trolls and evil step mothers. Awkward talks with his father about love and such -<br/>Really, who was this man to tell Arthur whether or not he could love a servant or not?</p><p>“Merlin!”, he shouted out, after the whole ordeal was finally over. </p><p> “I want you to know that I never doubted you. Alright, maybe I did, but it's your own fault. You've got a suspicious look about you. Shifty. Like you've got something to hide.” It was a hint. <br/>Maybe Merlin would finally pick it up? After all – he had just helped save Camelot. And he didn´t kill Arthur. Even though he could have. Even without magic. </p><p>“I´m an open book.”, Merlin replied snarly instead. A bit too scandalized for Arthur to believe it. </p><p>“I don´t believe that for a second.”, honestly. Merlin was hiding quite a few things from him. <br/>“However, I do know that without your help, I´d still have a troll for a stepmother. Well, thanks.”</p><p>To be honest, it was Arthur´s own fault for trying to clap his servant on the shoulders in thanks. <br/>He hadn´t expected him to actually come closer. <br/>“Whoa. What are you doing?”</p><p>“I thought you were going for a hug.”</p><p>“No.”, Arthur said deeply, startled and slowly. Because, no. He hadn´t. How did Merlin get to THAT conclusion? Arthur buried down the fuzzy feeling it gave him. Deciding to leave as soon as possible. </p><p>“No.”, Merlin repeated, stepping back a bit. Arthur gave him a disgusted look. Not because he meant it. <br/>Just – right now wasn´t really the time to question his feelings. Not when his mind still tried to process that his father had slept with a troll. <br/>Arthur wasn´t even sure he could ever hug anyone again. Not now at least. Not yet. <br/>That didn´t stop his face from flushing as he imagined Merlin hugging him. What the hell was wrong with him?</p><p>Hugging Merlin. If that was – actually going to be a thing one day- he shook his head. He hadn´t even took the time to consider what a relationship with Merlin would actually look like. </p><p>Maybe he should try to do that for once. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur wondered about one thing his father had said during all that had occurred those past few days. <br/>“In times of war -” <br/>It was always about war.  And his soldiers followed him blindly. Arthur didn´t like it. </p><p>In fact, he mwondered, if maybe there would ever be a day, were humans, soldiers perhaps decided to ignore what their rulers said. <br/>And stop fighting each other. Maybe it was just the rebel in him that wanted to defy unreasonable orders more than ever now. </p><p>Soldiers trying not to fight was bullshit, of course. Never the less. It was a thought in the back of his mind, when he entered the clockroom.<br/>The door closed shut behind him. Again, without a sound. Sometimes Arthur wondered how that worked.</p><p>Tonight however, he felt the ticking of the clocks calmed his nerves. The small falkon – a Merlin, Arthur reminded himself – waited for him. A pulsing sensation ran through Arthur´s skin, like always. <br/>It was a surprisingly welcome sensation, if he was being honest. </p><p>Vacation, he thought. This would be some kind of vacation. Then he touched the clock and felt the familiar pull. Saw the familiar blackness, before the colors rearranged themselves to something grey and dark and white and -</p><p>“RUNTER! (1)”, he heard someone shout and felt a hand pushing him down into a ditch. So much for vacation. Great.</p><p>A second later he heard something fly passed him. Loud, deafening explosions filled the air, causing Arthur to instantly panic. <br/>The people around him wore uniforms. Helmets, and clothes that looked like they were supposed to hide from someone or something. Oh god, he landed in the middle of a fight!</p><p>They looked and sounded like soldiers. But they had no swords. No chain mail. And the projectiles attacking them were no arrows. Someone gave him a giant, heavy metallic stick. But Arthur had no idea what that was. </p><p>“Los, Junge, schieß!” (2)<br/>Someone said, but Arthur understood nothing. He blinked, knowing he was supposed to do something with this stick, so he tried to direct it at something. <br/>That alone seemed to be enough for the soldier, who was directing his attention to other soldiers now. Some who were positioned in similar ditches barely a few yards away. </p><p>Arthur scanned the enemy lines, wondering how nobody had noticed his off looking clothes. Or where Merlin was in this scenario. </p><p> </p><p>---------------------------</p><p>24th of December, 1914<br/>The Christmas truce</p><p>It took hours, before the sounds and shooting and shouting, the death and the fear slowly died down. Arthur wondered how on earth he had managed to survive. For all he knew, he should be dead by now. <br/>And heck, it was freaking cold here. He must have landed somewhere in the middle of winter. <br/>Winter solstice was probably near. <br/>Arthur closed his eyes. He was freezing. So much, in fact. He almost felt warm again. Which he knew was a very bad sign. </p><p>It smelled burned here. Like sweat and salt and death. The soldiers had gone silent. All Arthur heard was the beat of his heart and his own breathing now. <br/>Any maybe the breathing of the soldier next to him. <br/>That the man hadn´t tried to shoot him yet – well, maybe these soldiers didn´t all know each other. </p><p>Arthur bit his lips from all the nerves as he let out a deep sigh. <br/>He wasn´t a stranger to war. But whatever they were fighting with was terrifying. <br/>Those machines, those – metal sticks he saw – they were more dangerous than any sword Arthur had ever fought with. </p><p>Arthur hugged himself close, as some kind of movement finally caught his attention. <br/>It was the man next to him, who leaned his back against the dirt wall of the ditch. He looked at a small picture he had with him. <br/>Arthur looked at it confused. The picture was black and white – but he the last time he had seen such an accurate portrait of a person, that was in 2020. </p><p>And that had been on a “computer” as future Merlin had told him. Was this piece of paper now more advanced or less? Probably less, Arthur decided, by how rippled the picture looked. <br/>Arthur was afraid to say something, out of fear his inability to speak their language would mark him an enemy they had to shoot on sight. </p><p>Then, the man began to sing. Arthur blinked, startled at the man. </p><p>“Stille Nacht ...” (3)</p><p>The man had a surprisingly soothing voice. Even though it was rough from the cold and the dirt and the dust in the air. But was this really the time to start singing?<br/>Apparently it was, because all of a sudden, other men chimed in. Softly singing the lullaby like it was totally normal to interrupt a battle to sing. <br/>And then – something even odder happened. </p><p>From the enemy line, another voice, dark and familiar began to sing as well. </p><p>Arthur´s head snapped up as he looked at the man who was holding up a piece of cloth now. <br/>“Merry Christmas”, it read.</p><p>“Merlin.”, Arthur stuttered, as he recognized the man. Despite the beard and the uncharacteristic outfit of the immortal. </p><p>And then – then suddenly from all sides, men passed the border and greeted each other. <br/>Like old friends. Neither of them spoke the language of the other, but they smiled and exchanged objects. And hugged and gestured as a means of communication. <br/>Hesitantly, Arthur stood up from his position. </p><p>Only to see Merlin laughing and actually talking to someone on Arthur´s side. Right, Merlin had probably lived long enough to speak multiple languages by now.<br/>It took a few seconds, until Merlin noticed Arthur. His previous smile first falling, only to reappear all of a sudden. <br/>“ARTHUR!”, he all but screamed, as he hugged Arthur. Arthur froze. He wanted to shove Merlin away, but he was too startled to push him away. <br/>At least Merlin wasn´t kissing him this time around. </p><p>“Merlin, what on earth is going on here – what -”, he turned his head, watching as soldiers who had shot each other only hours before, began helping each other bury their fallen friends. <br/>There was something beautiful about the whole exchange. Of younger men playing with some metallic cans. Of older men exchanging food and showing each other pictures of their loved ones. </p><p>Merlin shrugged. “I have no idea.”, his smile was contagious. <br/>“How long  have you been here?”, Merlin asked, never faltering in his expression. <br/>“A few hours. What day is it? What is christmas?”</p><p>Merlin laughed happily. “It´s winter solstice. This – this whole thing is a wonder. The whole world is at war – but right now -”<br/>Arthur could see there were tears in Merlin´s eyes, as he finally released him from his firm grip. </p><p>“The whole world is at war?”, Arthur froze. No that couldn´t possibly be. A war was between two our three parties at most. Not the whole world -<br/>“What are they fighting about?”</p><p>Merlin shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. I wasn´t following the news, because they kept talking about depressing things. And suddenly I was called in to be a soldier. <br/>I never thought – any of this was ever possible. I don´t remember a single war were all soldiers put down their weapons to – celebrate together. <br/>This is incredible. Almost as incredible as that one war that you lead against Queen Annis.”</p><p>Arthur blinked. “What war?”<br/>Merlin´s head snapped at him, looking him up and down. “Oh, you´re still too young to know about that.”, he pressed his lips together, but his smile stayed put. <br/>“It was a war without any death. It was impressive. You always were a great man.”, he said, nodding fiercely. </p><p>Arthur blinked a couple of times. “Thank you, I guess.”, he said slowly. </p><p>The Merlin pointed to Arthur. “Aren´t you cold?”, he asked with worry lacing his words. Arthur nodded slowly. Merlin looked around. <br/>“Sorry, I can´t give you a coat. It would be too obvious if I magicked one out of thin air. So – here.”<br/>He put his hand on Arthur´s heart, startling the prince as Merlin´s eyes began to glow faintly. <br/>A second later, warmth spread through Arthur´s body. <br/>First around his heart, then up his lungs and head and then to his fingertips and toes. </p><p>Arthur gasped at the sensation. “Thanks.”, he huffed in the end. It felt like he had just taken a hot bath. <br/>“No problem. Now do tell, what happened since your last visit.”, Merlin sat down on the ground, patting it to invite Arthur to sit down. <br/>Arthur looked at the dirty ground that was one of the few parts that wasn´t wet with blood. </p><p>Speaking of wet, it just began to snow. Arthur looked at the sky mesmerized. </p><p>“Oh, quite a lot.”, Arthur sat down with relief, as he realized he could barely feel the snow. <br/>And then he began telling Merlin about what had happened. Only interrupted by Merlin, when the man decided he should share his version of the story. Or his laughter, as soon as he mentioned the lady Catrina. <br/>Honestly, Merlin was laughing so hard, it was hard not to laugh along. </p><p>“It´s not funny, Merlin.”, Arthur said, but his twitching mouth betrayed him. </p><p>“Oh – it is. It really is. So – since this isn´t too long after the tournament, does this mean you just fell for Gwen?”, Merlin was smiling, wiping away tears of joy. <br/>Arthur froze, not of the cold but out of surprise. “I´m – I´m not -”</p><p>Merlin shook his head, still chuckling. “it´s fine. It´s fine. I know you love her. You married her, because you did. You even gave up parts of your land for her at some point. <br/>I´m not mad.”</p><p>Arthur gulped. “Merlin, I´m sorry, I don´t – I´m sorry Merlin, but I´m not in love with you.” Finally he said it. Finally he could tell him. <br/>On winter solstice. During a war. Maybe he shouldn´t have.<br/>Merlin just grinned. “I know, Arthur. Don´t worry. I´ve had plenty of time to come to terms with these things. We´ll figure it out. But thank you for telling me. Being uncertain of what you currently feel is always a bit – unsettling.<br/>It´s all too early for you to love me anyway.”<br/>He looked towards the sky, reaching out his hand to catch some of the snowflakes that began to cake the resting battle field. </p><p>Arthur stared at his servant in confusion. “Last time – I er – I don´t know how long that was for you, but - <br/>Last time you wanted an answer from me, I didn´t give you an answer. I´m so sorry.”</p><p>Merlin shook his head. “Don´t worry. Your future self told me everything. For now – let´s just enjoy tonight. Before we´re going to kill each other again in the morning.”</p><p>Arthur nodded slowly. Still feeling a bit awkward about the whole situation. But Merlin finally began telling him stories about his life. <br/>How he kept visiting England and the lake of Avalon. Arthur´s resting place, Merlin told him with a bitter grin. It was also were Freya was, apparently.<br/>Arthur had only listened. Because heck – Arthur had seen himself die. But he hadn´t expected to find out where his body would be burned afterwards. </p><p>“Say, Merlin, I have a question.”<br/>“Hmm?”, Merlin asked, absently watching the laughing soldiers. </p><p>“Have you ever met a – reborn version of me?”<br/>Merlin´s head snapped back to him. “What? No. You´re the once and future king because of the clock room. Aren´t you? Because you keep visiting me and -”</p><p>Arthur bit his lip. “I – last time I visited, I was in the future. I don´t know how far in the future. But I saw you as an old man. And you were talking to a child. I think that child was me.”</p><p>Merlin frowned. “That doesn´t make sense. You told me you were thrown out each time line, when you reached a point your younger self had visited before. Plus, you can´t visit timelines before your death!”</p><p>Arthur grabbed his face in confusion. <br/>“Yes, and that´s all true. But I saw this child. And he talked to me. I couldn´t talk to anyone else. <br/>I thought maybe you would know. Also, I know for a fact that I can visit passed his life. Because I´ve been there before. But - “<br/>Arthur stopped. Maybe this wasn´t as important as he thought. </p><p>Merlin sighed, but kept smiling. “It´s fine.”, he said. “I guess, things will solve themselves out, I guess. Though I´d really love to meet you again. I always do.”</p><p>Merlin smiled to himself. As though the knowledge, that he could always wait for Arthur to return was the best thing in the whole world. </p><p>Arthur smiled sadly. Unsure how to take that in. </p><p>“Then, Arthur. Is that the reason why you came this time around? Or is there another reason?”<br/>Arthur blinked in surprise. <br/>Right, Merlin said so before. Arthur always had a reason to visit the clock room. </p><p>“I think I -”, he hummed in wonder. “I think I came because I wanted to see how a word looked, when soldiers refused to listen to their orders. <br/>Because I didn´t listen to my father, while he was under lady Catrina´s spell.”</p><p>Merlin laughed. “Wow, and then you land in the middle of a world wide war. On Christmas, where people ignore their superiors orders to celebrate together in peace.”, he shook his head. <br/>“You, Sire, are a wonder.</p><p>Arthur laughed. “I suppose you´re right about that.”</p><p>They kept talking and bickering and laughing. Up until deep into the night. Until the morning broke and everyone had to retire to their own sides of the war. <br/>Somewhere, right before the sun reached it´s highest point again, someone put up their weapon once more. </p><p>Arthur was one of the first to be shot right into the head. <br/>He died before he could hear Merlin´s scream. But he knew it was there. </p><p>When he woke up in the clock room, he felt like something had filled a whole in his head and heart. He shook his head and went back to his room. To sleep. <br/>All he had brought with him from the other side, was the bullet that pierced his head and now rested in his hand. He put  it next to the watch. Wondering what he was going to do with it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(1) “Get down”<br/>(2) “Go on, boy, shoot!”<br/>(3) “Silent night...”</p><p>resources: </p><p> </p><p>https://www.thegazette.co.uk/awards-and-accreditation/content/287 <br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:Beauty_and_the_Beast:_Part_Two <br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:Beauty_and_the_Beast:_Part_One</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. True love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for the delay XD<br/>But this story is hard to write with all the rewatching and transcript reading and history research.... it puts off the motivation a bit.<br/>So .... yeah, that's basically it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all began with smoke.<br/>Arthur felt tired. Not long ago, he had died on a future battle field. And yet, he felt not inclined to care. It had been a fast death. Maybe if Merlin had been faster, he could have stopped the bullet in time. <br/>But Merlin couldn´t. He hadn´t. Arthur wasn´t even mad. Merlin was not his guardian. He wasn´t supposed to keep Arthur alive. That was not his job. Rather, it was – or should be – the other way around.</p><p>Taking care of him, warming him when he was freezing. THAT was Merlin´s job. And that is what he had done. </p><p>Even if it was with magic. <br/>Magic. And there was his problem right now. Because some woman had just reported a magic user. Who – supposedly had seen smoke shaped into a horse. <br/>It was smoke, old woman. You see in smoke whatever you wanted to see. Arthur rolled his eyes. <br/>And she “feared for her life?” Yeah, sure. She wanted money. That was all. </p><p>But Merlin was a witness. Arthur was 90 % sure that if there was any truth to the accusations, then it was Merlin who had played with the smoke. <br/>Arthur could have smacked his servant on the head. How could this idiot be so careless?</p><p>Then – his father announced they were going to involve the witch finder. Arthur paled. <br/>This wasn´t good. This wasn´t good at all. <br/>God, how many innocent people were in danger right now? Merlin clearly would be. He was, in fact.</p><p>Even Morgana seemed afraid. And Morgana was a hard nut to crack. </p><p>By the way – could magic be smelled? Because this Aridian guy spoke of a smell that corrupted Camelot. Must be a ruse.  <br/>The man even refused to get help from the knights. Arthur felt fearful, as well as insulted. His knights? Useless? How dare he!</p><p>But Arthur had more pressing matters to take care of. He had to protect Merlin at all costs. He really didn´t want to see Merlin hanged again. ,Again.', he shuddered at the thought.<br/>That was a hard task though. Since Arthur wasn´t supposed to interfere in the whole ordeal and Merlin was one of the first people to be questioned by the witchfinder Airidian. <br/>Arthur kept quiet to himself. Hoping things wouldn´t escalate too quickly. Surely he father would listen to him. Should Merlin ever be accused, Arthur had already decided he would speak up. </p><p>After all – the last time Uther didn´t listen to Arthur was because of troll magic. This time he would, surely, right?<br/>This time would be different, right? Yeah, no. This was about magic. So – God why was everything so difficult lately?</p><p>Then suddenly, there were three more witnesses who saw dancing goblins and sorcerers spitting out toads. <br/>Now, Arthur had met a few sorcerers in his life. And none of those were coughing out toads. Like what sense did that make?</p><p>And now, dramatically, Merlin was accused of witchcraft. As if Arthur hadn´t expected that already. After barely a day of the witchfinder being here. Arthur felt powerless against this man. <br/>With how quick he was to charge someone with treason. <br/>And Uther didn´t even seem to question the man. Not much at least.</p><p>“Merlin.”, Arthur dropped out the name as though it was the stupidest suggestion he had ever heard. His only chance to get Merlin out of here was to play the accusations as ridiculous.<br/>“You can´t be serious.” He said it slowly, so that everyone in the room could hear it. Especially his father.<br/>Well – Arthur could imagine Merlin do magic. He had seen it before. In a possible imagined future world. But -<br/>Merlin spitting out toads? Bewitching random girls? Merlin may be careless to leave out evidence, but this was something else. Even Arthur couldn´t imagine.<br/>The smoke thing might actually sound like Merlin. But the other things. It was ridiculous. So despite his “acting” in disbelieve. Arthur was actually incredulous at the accusation. </p><p>And Merlin spoke with absolute clarity and certainty when he said, he had nothing to hide in his chambers. So Arthur was sure, they wouldn´t find anything. <br/>The witch finder looked far too smug about the whole ordeal. Arthur didn´t like the man at all.</p><p>Not to mention the way they practically destroyed everything in Gaius´ chambers. <br/>Why couldn´t Arthur do anything? Why was his father so insistent on letting the man do as he pleases?</p><p>But then – they found the bracelet. Which Gaius claimed was his. There was a smile on Aridian´s face as though all of this was planned. <br/>Arthur felt cold inside. Gaius had treated him and Morgana since they were children. <br/>Even releasing Merlin from the cells wasn´t enough of a relief to ignore that feeling of anger. <br/>Arthur really should feel betrayed by him. But he didn't. He felt insulted.</p><p>He felt betrayed by his father. Not Gaius. Or Merlin.<br/>Because his father let it all happen. </p><p>“You show great faith in him. Considering he was known to practice sorcery.”, Aridian said. <br/>Arthur perked up at that. Wait what? Really?<br/>“Gaius?”, he asked. Just as incredulous as he had voiced Merlin´s name before. This time however, he wasn´t faking it. But surely, his father didn´t know. Surely the witch finder was making this up. <br/>“You must be mistaken.”, Arthur said. His father would never allow a sorcerer to live within the castle. And put him in a position where he could easily poison the king.</p><p>“No Arthur. He speaks the truth.”, his father said. Uther said. He had known all along? Arthur turned to him immediately. </p><p>“I´m well aware of his past. But I have reason to believe he´s turned his back on sorcery.”</p><p>That, Arthur could very well imagine. And yet, it left a sour taste in his mouth. Because why? Why was he trusting Gaius?<br/>Not that Arthur was angry about that part. Just – why was his father killing everyone else without even questioning their reasons?<br/>Why showed he Gaius more trust than anyone else?<br/>Then again, this meant, Arthur was allowed to trust Merlin too, right?</p><p>But – how was Uther so sure Gaius didn´t practice magic anymore? And if it was true and Gaius really turned his back on magic -<br/>then – how many people had died because he had? <br/>By all Arthur had seen future Merlin do. What Merlin could do with his magic. Healing his headaches and his constant transportation sickness, warming his hypothermia – All those things a normal physician could only describe tinctures for that may not even work. </p><p>“We must give him the benefit of the doubt!”, Arthur finally said, but he wasn´t prepared for the “why” question, Aridian asked. </p><p>Uther was speaking to Aridian, trying to find an alternate solution. And for the first time since forever, Arthur saw in him the man he always wanted hi father to be.<br/>A man who taught him to follow his heart. Not to doubt his friends. In the end, the small spark of hope died down too soon, as Gaius was still going to be treated as a criminal. <br/>For it was Uther´s decision to do so. </p><p>All this reminded Arthur too much of Salem. Of people being questioned by the means of torture until they confessed. <br/>Finally Arthur understood what the Merlin from that time had tried to tell him. <br/>His father was no better than that. People got randomly accused. And questioned until they confessed. Whether or not they were guilty was not the question. <br/>He remembered Giles Corey vividly. How he was pressured to death. And he hoped Gaius wouldn´t meet the same fate. </p><p>As though that was all he had to worry about. Because Aridian had barely started his work. <br/>And Merlin was devastated. And Arthur didn´t know what to do anymore. </p><p>How Gaius came to confess – well the answer was quite clear to Arthur. <br/>Aridian had forced him to.<br/>And Arthur´s father had the audacity to feel betrayed by that. And condemn his own friend to die at the stake.</p><p>Then, when Gaius was forced out the room, Arthur could see Merlin raging from where he stood next to Gwen. Screaming at Aridian, accusing him to be a liar. <br/>Arthur knew something like this would happen. But heck, he felt the fear deep down his throat, as he stopped Merlin. Dragging him out the room forcefully. <br/>This was not the time to play hero. To be righteous. Arthur knew what Merlin´s actions would do. He had seen it before. And hell, he didn´t want to see it again. <br/>“I´ll deal with this.”, he simply announced. To save his friend. Only to safe his friend. </p><p>He brought him to the dungeons to let him see Gaius one last time. <br/>He knew, Gaius was like a father to Merlin. That was the least he could do. No. It was the only thing he could do.</p><p>Arthur knew for certain, this wasn´t over. Aridian had his eyes on Morgana as well. She was being questioned too many times for it to be a coincidence.<br/>Arthur wanted to talk to his father about it. But at this rate, his own questions would lead to him suspect Morgana even further. Or Arthur himself. What to do, what to do....?!</p><p>All he really knew was that Merlin hadn´t been tending to him at night anymore and Gwen also disappeared all of a sudden. <br/>And then he had a sense. That somehow, some things were going to solve themselves. </p><p>They did. Gwen came to talk to Arthur about this. While he was already watching Gaius be led to the pyre. <br/>Begging him to listen to Merlin. And looking at the proof they had gathered. Shouting at him, that HE and HE alone could still do something. And he knew she was right. But he couldn´t risk Merlin get on Airidian´s radar. <br/>Then again – he could safe Gaius. Did she have to bring up how her father died though? How Arthur hadn´t managed to safe him...Argh, to hell with it. </p><p>“WAIT!”, he shouted. And then they lead everyone back to the throne room. </p><p>And there was proof. Belladona in eye drops that caused hallucinations. Women who named the one who sold them the eye drops. The man who sold them naming Airidian as the original source. <br/>The they searched his chambers. Only because Arthur stood by Merlin, even though Uther had already silenced him when he spoke up. </p><p>If Merlin came here with evidence, then he certainly had enough to proof himself innocent. Hopefully. <br/>And then they found more evidence in Airidian´s chambers.<br/>A ridiculous amount of evidence that Arthur knew Airidian coudn´t have planted there himself. So Merlin did do this. Clearly, and unmistakably. </p><p>How anyone could be so blind not to see it – er, it worked, so who cared.<br/>Airidian spat out toads like a mad man while he kept accusing Merlin. <br/>Arthur was baffled, but so, so relieved. Good thing Gwen knew how to talk to Arthur.<br/>Good thing Arthur did listen to her. </p><p>Good thing his father was too blind to actually see what was going on here. <br/>Arthur wasn´t as blind. He saw that when Airidian used Morgana as hostage, the sword in his hand began glowing hot so Airidian had to let it fall. <br/>Arthur could have sworn he heard Merlin mutter something. Was this his proof? Was this really happening right NOW? Was Merlin using magic right now, in the middle of the room?</p><p>Airidian fell out the window and died. Arthur closed his eyes. <br/>The nightmare was over. Finally. <br/>But Arthur had to talk to his father about the way he treated Gaius. Uther needed to apologize.</p><p> </p><p>----------------------------</p><p> </p><p>When Morgouse came to Camelot and killed a number of guards and challenged Arthur to a battle, Arthur felt – well. Anxious. <br/>He knew, from his battle in Ealdor, that women could fight just like men. <br/>But he had never faced one who was trained enough to actually challenge a knight. And win for that matter. <br/>And he knew what his father would think, should he loose. <br/>It was more than a matter of pride. It was a matter of showing the world how good of a fighter he was. But his father had nothing better to do than ask Geoffrey for a way to call of the fight. His reasoning? Because she was a woman. </p><p>Arthur cared more about his fathers opinion than anyone else's. If Arthur lost, his father would think him weak for good. It wasn´t really Arthur´s fear of loosing against a woman that held power over him. It was his fathers opinion about the matter that made him act like he did. <br/>Of course, Merlin had no faith in him this time, either. </p><p>Well, now Arthur really didn´t want to fight her. But he had no choice. Either he withdrew from the challenge and be seen as a coward or he faced her. Then he´d either win and be seen as someone who killed ,weak' women or he lost and was a failure as a prince. <br/>God, the only way to get out of this was, if SHE withdrew from the challenge. He knew she wouldn´t. Even when he asked Merlin to bring her the message. Because, again, if Arthur did it, he would be seen as a coward. <br/>It was obvious she would refuse. She wouldn´t have challenged him for no reason. Arthur sighed. Awesome. Really. Awesome.</p><p>At least Merlin reassured him that whatever was going to happen in the fight now, wouldn´t be his fault. But Arthur relied to much on his pride as a knight.<br/>He was too sure that he would win. Morgouse was skilled. Far more skilled than any of his knights. <br/>Even though Arthur landed the first few hits, Morgouse never wavered. <br/>And ultimately, she won. Arthur was lucky she didn´t kill him. But now he had a promise to uphold. <br/>Right now, however, considering how his father´s disappointment showed Arthur exactly what he thought of him, he´d rather not accept her bargain and die at her hand.<br/>Really, it couldn´t have ended any worse.<br/>Well, okay, Merlin laughing about him made things even worse. But it brought back the normalcy that Arthur was craving so bitterly. </p><p>Morgouse left the next day. Telling him vaguely that he would know where to meet her, when the time came. Couldn´t she just make her challenge here?<br/>Couldn´t she just – dunno – kill him now or something? Women. Horrifying creatures they were. Really. <br/>But then – she mentioned something about his mother. And oh- Nobody had ever – ever talked to him about his mother. Or compared his honor to hers. Honestly, with how she treated him, she was right now, the only person to treat him with any respect. <br/>Now he really had a reason to meet with her. </p><p>Uther seemed to be very paranoid about this – challenge. And surprisingly ignorant of the fact that Morgouse spared Arthur´s life. He forbid him to meet her. Because she “might” use magic. God, what did Arthur care about that right now?<br/>Maybe she did, maybe she didn´t. HE had no choice. He gave her his word. He made a promise. Otherwise he´d be dead by now. <br/>Uther had the audacity to GROUND him, even. Like – what was he – twelve?<br/>Arthur got the distinct feeling that Uther knew more about this whole thing – about Morgouse and Ygraine – than he admitted. </p><p>Now, Arthur had no choice. He gathered Merlin, got a rope, fell out the window and let himself be led straight to Morgouse. By a horse. One would think Merlin´s screaming would alert the guards. But nope – those were very much not concerned. <br/>Honestly, Arthur would replay these images in his head for far longer, but it was so surreal, he put them to the back of his mind. </p><p>No, his main concern would probably be the nature of Morgouse´s challenge now. Or the random bandits that attacked them on their way to Morgouse. <br/>What had Arthur been thinking taking Merlin along! Of all people he could have chosen …. He chose the biggest worrywart of them all.<br/>Merlin. </p><p>Speaking of which.<br/>Arthur realized, he had never really asked Merlin to share anything about himself. Well – not quite true. He had in Ealdor. But - <br/>When Arthur confided in him about his mother – that Morgouse knew something about her and that that was the reason he even accepted to follow her – that he wanted to know at least a little about her. Because his father refused to talk about it -</p><p>Merlin shared something about himself, too. Merlin never knew his father either. And Arthur noticed – he hadn´t even asked Merlin about his parents. He knew Hunith, yes. <br/>But he had never asked. Maybe he should have. Maybe this burden wouldn´t be so heavy if he could share it with someone. <br/>It was comforting in a way. Knowing he wasn´t alone. Knowing that Merlin understood. And for once, Merlin stopped complaining. </p><p> </p><p>--------------------</p><p> </p><p>Morgouses challenge was for Arthur to let himself be beheaded. Well. Shit happens, am I right?<br/>Instead of killing him, however, like Merlin and Arthur both feared she would, she showed him respect once more. And fulfilled Arthur´s wish. <br/>Even if Merlin was worried about the whole thing. <br/>“Are you sure you want to do this?”, Merlin asked. God, the guy was like a mother hen. Never stopping to worry about Arthur. </p><p>“If you were granted the same opportunity, would you not want to meet your father?” Surely, Merlin would. Right?</p><p>“Uther won´t forgive you if he finds out you´ve collaborated with a sorcerer.” <br/>Honestly, Arthur wasn´t really worried about that part. It was rather confusing to hear these concerns from Merlin of all people. </p><p>“What if my father´s attitude to magic is wrong?” Okay, now this was it. Arthur couldn´t be more obvious. “You really think that?”<br/>Was that hope Arthur heard in his voice?</p><p>“Perhaps it´s not as simple as he would have us believe. Morgouse is a sorcerer, she has caused us no harm. Surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil.” You, Merlin, for example. Arthur thought. And hoped that Merlin would tell him. This was his chance. His opportunity. Arthur looked him right in the eyes. Trying to convey to him what he wanted to hear. </p><p>“We don´t actually know why she´s doing this.” That – was such a Merlin answer, Arthur groaned inwardly at such cowardice. Merlin was so dense. </p><p>Morgouse interrupted them. And then -<br/>She showed him his mother. <br/>And – the truth about Arthur´s birth. About magic and Uther´s true motivations about the purge. </p><p>Arthur would kill him. Arthur´s whole life had been a lie! All these years he had blamed himself for her death. For the way his father looked at him! As though he blamed him for it as well. As though he couldn´t bare look at him for what he was. <br/>Now? Now Arthur knew the truth. Uther couldn´t look at him because it was he! Who was to blame! Uther had killed her. <br/>Uther and his desperate wish to have an heir. Only to treat him like dirt. To force him to prove himself time and time again. And nothing was ever good enough.<br/>He had doubted his father´s opinion about magic before! But this! THIS was worse than anything Arthur had ever imagined. </p><p>Arthur was born of magic. And those words repeated themselves in Arthur´s head again and again. That´s why Nimueh attacked. That´s why -<br/>It explained everything. It explained just – everything. </p><p>And he killed – murdered – slaughtered so many people for a crime he himself committed. <br/>The betrayal hurt like no other. There was nothing worse than this.<br/>Okay, maybe there was something worse. </p><p>When they returned to Camelot, his father denied it.</p><p>The denial only fueled his rage. His anger at this hypocrite he used to call his father. <br/>Arthur had enough. He had to do this. <br/>He challenged his father to a duel. <br/>Uther refused, obviously. But that wouldn´t stop Arthur. He would kill him. And he knew he wouldn´t even regret it. </p><p>For the first time in his life, Arthur saw his father defeated, even while they fought. It was as if Uther had waited for this. Waited to be killed by Arthur. <br/>He was defending himself yes, but he wasn´t exactly attacking. Arthur was a better fighter than his father. Even though Uther liked to pretend otherwise. </p><p>It was Merlin who stopped him. Of all the people in the world. Especially now that Arthur was certain of the true nature of the clock room...<br/>The true nature of magic. Now that he was finally, fully on Merlin´s side. </p><p>Merlin stopped him. Under these circumstances. Merlin would be free if Uther was dead. All of the magical realm would be free if Uther was dead. <br/>Why was Merlin – protecting the man who had ordered their slaughter. Merlin was there! He had heard Ygraine. Even if what he claimed was true – didn´t Merlin WANT Uther dead?<br/>Arthur knew, he himself did. </p><p>But Merlin defended him. Under heavy breaths. As if this was harder for him than anything else in the world. And it must be. Or was he imagining this? Merlin had lost his own father once. Merlin lived under fear from Uther himself. <br/>Merlin wouldn´t lie in a situation as this, now. Would he? To protect the man who´d want him dead? Never.<br/>He wouldn´t. Right?<br/>If Merlin said Morgouse was lying then - </p><p>Then Uther hadn´t killed his mother. Arthur huffed, conflicted. He wanted to cry. This didn´t make sense. Destroying Camelot? Tricking Arthur? <br/>That couldn´t be. But Merlin said – he said it was. It couldn´t be. It didn´t-<br/>Arthur lowered his sword. </p><p>This choice was Merlin´s more than it was his own. And than his father swore to him that he didn´t do this. That he loved his mother.  Arthur couldn´t help but cry about this. Because he believed him.  <br/>There was so much going on in his head right now. So much. If this was the truth than – than his father must be right about everything. Everything else was a lie. The – the vision of his mother. The visions in the clock room. Everything. Merlin wouldn´t lie about magic. <br/>Not when it could have saved so many of his kind. Hell, even if Morgouse WAS lying. To save his kind, Merlin would have wanted him to believe it, right? Arthur wouldn´t even be mad about that. </p><p>Then Merlin was no sorcerer. Merlin had no magic. Merlin wasn´t magic. There was no future that Arthur had seen. It would be best, if he never visited the clock room again. It only confused him. Tricked him. He had believed Merlin was magic. He had confused a dream with reality.<br/>So he told Merlin what he truly thought now. Now in his room. Where his panic and fear and regret was slowly settling back to the constant it always had been. </p><p>“I am indebted to you, Merlin. I had become … confused.” In more ways than one, Arthur had to admit. “It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous. And that is thanks to you.”</p><p>Merlin´s answer took a long time. But it came non the less. <br/>“Glad I could help.”</p><p>Finally, Arthur thought as he closed his eyes. Finally he had a true answer. Finally he could rest. Not really. Because the knowledge was bitter. And it hurt. He had learned so much in the other worlds. Now – what was Arthur to still believe in?</p><p>If he had actually looked at Merlin, he would have seen the pain all this caused him too.</p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>It was weeks later, when the bounty hunter´s beast appeared in Camelot and threw over everything Arthur had just come to terms with. <br/>Well – not everything. Just the thing about Merlin. </p><p>Uther always paid a good price for people with magic that the bounty hunter brought. To think one of them would escape - <br/>the most dangerous one of them all – had Arthur stricken with paranoia. </p><p>To top it all off, Merlin was acting strangely. <br/>At first, not more than usual. Even if stealing his breakfast was a bit insulting. Especially since he called him fat. Arthur shouldn´t have called Merlin fat, when he stole that rope all those weeks ago. <br/>Clearly, Merlin had taken the hint too seriously and was now pettily planning his revenge. He kept stealing his food all day. Or was Arthur really getting fat now?</p><p>Other than that, Merlin was totally out of it, too.<br/>How on earth did Merlin get the bath water to be boiling anyway? Seriously. Almost made the magic story appealing again.</p><p>Merlin was being suspected of helping the escaped girl too. And he kept on lying about trivial things, like he was certain nobody would notice. Arthur knew Merlin was the suspicious type. But after everything they´ve been through together, Arthur knew Merlin wouldn´t harbor a druid girl. <br/>Merlin knew what magic was. Better than most people. <br/>He had made clear to Arthur what it´s true nature was. Merlin would be stupid to side with a witch now.</p><p>Then Merlin began stealing dresses and Arthur thought, Merlin couldn´t make himself any more suspicious. Weird kink, but okay. Merlin was a grown man. He could do how he pleased. Arthur could let him get away with stealing Morgana´s dresses. (He counted it as revenge on Morgana for pranks she played on him when they were younger.) Also Arthur had seen this guy – Brian was his name? In 2020 – wait no, that wasn´t a real thing anyway. </p><p>And Arthur had more pressing matters at hand now than Merlin being uncharacteristically cheerful. Because a magical creature was also in Camelot?<br/>Or rather, the missing druid girl was the magical creature, as he would find out soon enough.</p><p>Then Merlin disappeared, when Arthur was about to fight the dangerous beast. A giant black cat with wings. Though one would call that common sense, it surprised Arthur. Simply because Merlin usually insisted on coming with him. </p><p>But in the end, in hindsight, Arthur thought he should have seen the signs. <br/>Arthur saw the girl turn into the beast. She was admittedly quite beautiful. Her transformation however, looked painful. Scary. Her whole body was breaking apart to become the monster that Arthur had been reluctant to meet. <br/>He had to kill her, it was his only choice to ensure his people – Cameot - safety. Even though it didn´t look like she choose to transform.  And then, instead of attacking, the beast backed away from them. Letting herself be hit by Arthur´s sword. It was a mortal wound.<br/>She seemed to recognize someone in the distance, right before a Gargoyle head fell into the crowd of knights.<br/>From where Arthur had dodged and hid, he saw Merlin run from the court yard. Huh. That was strange.  </p><p>She never appeared again. Halig never got his money. No matter how much he pleaded for it. <br/>But he had brought a dangerous beast to Camelot! What did he expect. <br/>Arthur just sat there and watched, wondering if this beast would ever return. Or if it was dead for good now. And he tried not to think about how upset Merlin looked ever since the whole thing happened. Who was this girl that he even cared so much?</p><p>“This wasn´t my fault! How was I to know she would escape!”<br/>“You should have had her guarded! Instead, you let her out by herself. Anyone could have helped her”<br/>“She was just a girl! I didn´t know what this curse was about!”</p><p>“Say, what was her name?”, Arthur finally interrupted them. He couldn´t help it. He had seen her. In her human form she had looked so – normal. Innocent. </p><p>“What does it matter?”, Uther asked, but Arthur merely shrugged. <br/>“I think she was called Freya.”, Halig answered anyway. Arthur´s head snapped up. Mouth slightly agape. <br/>“What did you say?”, he asked, because this must be a joke. This couldn´t -</p><p>“Freya.”, Halig answered irritated, only to turn back to Uther, trying to bargain again. <br/>Arthur, however, stood up immediately, ignoring his father´s glances to find Merlin. His heart rate was picking up. This couldn't be true. No. No no no. </p><p>He found him in the armory, polishing boots.<br/>Just to check, if he was okay. </p><p>Freya. He knew. That was the name of the girl Merlin loved. <br/>And he found him, in the armory. Sad. Not the cheerful young man he had been those past days, weeks. No. Merlin looked devastated. <br/>Arthur didn't know how to do this. How to comfort Merlin. He only ever knew one way. <br/>Insult him. So that is what he did. </p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn't remember much of the Vivian incident. <br/>All he remembered was his father speaking of prosperity and peace. Because the leaders of all five kingdoms came together in Camelot. <br/>Why Camelot? Because Camelot was surrounded by the other kingdoms, and therefore in the middle of the map. </p><p>Vivian herself was – rude. Arthur didn't like her at all. But it wasn't his job to like everyone. It was his job to treat her in a manner that fit for her status. So he had ignore her petty behavior and leave her in Gwen's care. Poor Gwen. <br/>A thought gnawed on Arthur's mind. That Gwen deserved to be treated like this far more than Vivian did. </p><p>How Merlin got the idea that Arthur wanted to impress Vivian of all people - <br/>Wait, was Merlin jealous? Or was he truly thinking of Gwen here, like he pretended he did?<br/>“You're blushing!”, Merlin laughed, while he kept hinting on Arthur's feelings for Gwen. <br/>“No, I'm not!”, Arthur insisted, but hid behind the screen. Because he knew Merlin was right. Not that Arthur would ever admit to him – again – that he still loved her.<br/>Oh, these next few days would be – terrifying at best.</p><p>Apparently he was wrong. He only ever got so far as to see the jester who was surprisingly skilled in breathing fire and making butterflies appear. <br/>Everything after that – nothing. Arthur didn't remember a thing.  </p><p>The only thing he did remember, was waking up in a tent, Gwen kissing him senseless. <br/>It distracted him from the pain of his broken rip, that apparently he had gotten from a fight against Vivian's father Olaf. <br/>…. because Arthur had – been in love with her? Vivian?<br/>How foolish – stupid - ridiculous-</p><p>Arthur felt himself fall for Gwen once more. Happy to have her in her arms. But also utterly confused, because he had a fight to win. <br/>Merlin seemed glad that he had gotten back his senses. </p><p>So Arthur won the fight, without killing his opponent. Because this whole ordeal had been about peace. He could even see his father in the audience, looking proud for once. </p><p>But the way he had treated Gwen was – rude. Insolent. Insulting. He had treated her feelings recklessly. <br/>It was no wonder that for once, it was her who now rejected him. <br/>Arthur figured, he deserved this. <br/>Only that Vivian too was still acting strange.... Like she was under some kind of love spell or something. <br/>Holy crap, that was exactly what had happened, wasn't it?</p><p>And what was all that talk about true love, that Merlin was rumbling on about?<br/>Arthur knew of course, a true love's kiss was said to break any spell - but those were fairy tales right?<br/>Oh hell …... Gwen had broken his curse. Gwen was his true love. Merlin said so. <br/>Merlin. <br/>For a second. Only for a second, Arthur wondered what would have happened, if Merlin had kissed him instead.</p><p>“If you ever tell anyone about what happened in that tent.”, Arthur finally said to him. <br/>“I will kill you!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>resources:</p><p>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Sins_of_the_Father<br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Lady_of_the_Lake <br/>https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:Sweet_Dreams</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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